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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He wants to get back together but I don’t think I can

66 replies

SCFLEAD · 13/02/2020 14:45

I’ll try to keep this brief.

Ex and I split up when DS was 5 weeks old. Now 6 months down the line he has contacted me asking if we can try again. He has told me that he was seeing someone else for a while so I asked him when this was and he said he began seeing her not long after we had split. He also told me that he’s had a couple of one night stands.

I know this stuff happened when we were apart but I feel really hurt by it. I didn’t doubt he had been with other people (he was very much a ‘lad’ when he was younger) but I think I’m more hurt by the fact he started seeing someone else so soon after we had broken up, especially when DS was so young. I’d understand drunken one night stands but to actually start full on seeing someone, under those circumstances, I can’t get my head around.

I really don’t think I can get back with him for that reason as I think it would just eat me up and probably feel worse than I do just now if I was actually in a relationship.

He thinks I’m being an idiot and I should just forget whatever happened when we weren’t together but I think it’s time to forget about him, move on and keep communication between us purely for DS and nothing else.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 16/02/2020 16:22

Well did OP

romany4 · 16/02/2020 16:39

He also called me a hypocrite - said I’m out all the time when he has DS so I just have slept with people as well.

But he wants you to take him back with that attitude?

That would be a No Thanks from me

romany4 · 16/02/2020 16:42

Sorry, just seen your update OP.

He's a wanker.

Original poster

SCFLEAD · 16/02/2020 16:46

I’m not going to take him back. I’ve told him that, although I am hurt by the fact he moved on so quickly and while DS was so little, I don’t think we can make each other happy and if we did give it another go, it would almost certainly end the way it did before. I said I’d still be friends with him but if he didn’t want that, can he at least be civil to me and make an effort to have a relationship with DS.

He’s told me not to contact him again and that he doesn’t want to speak to me about it, or in general. I don’t know what that means for DS but I’m just going to leave it there.

OP posts:

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/02/2020 16:51

Yeah I’d leave it there too. Is he paying maintenance?.

Original poster

SCFLEAD · 16/02/2020 17:04

Yea he pays maintenance through the CSA. I had to go through them as he wouldn’t pay a penny at forst

OP posts:

UYScuti · 16/02/2020 17:35

you wont let him have his own way and he cant tolerate that so he throws the toys outta the pram and refuses to co-operate at all, well at least you know not to waste any more time hoping he'll be a responsible adult!

Happygirl79 · 16/02/2020 17:41

Doesn't sound as if you love him anyway somehow and you are happy as you are
Move on without him

fedup21 · 16/02/2020 18:05

Some people post on here about their boyfriend being horrible and should they leave them. You’re posting about yours who’s horrible and should you get back together with him!

Don’t do it!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/02/2020 23:21

He has to be forced to pay for his child, forced to parent his child and forced to do housework. Oddly shagging appears to be the one thing he chooses to do. Fortunately you can decide you won't be his mug.

SandyY2K · 16/02/2020 23:31

So he didn't pay CS until he absolutely had to and now you've refused to get back together, he's too busy at work to see his DS!

I'm sorry you have a child with such a useless man.

ABC123whatever · 18/02/2020 08:11

16/02/2020 23:21 MrsTerryPratchett

Never a truer word spoken!!

AngelsSins · 18/02/2020 10:55

Your OP seems to be about making excuses as to why you don’t want to get back with him, you don’t need to do this! Just because a man declares he wants a relationship with you, it doesn’t mean you then owe him a relationship unless you can come up with a good enough reason not to!

Tell him to fuck off, you’ve moved on. Some men are just never single, they run from one relationship to the next, and he sounds like one of them.

AngelsSins · 18/02/2020 11:00

Ahh you’ve told him - well done!

How predictable that he’d throw a tantrum about you having your own opinion, what a selfish little toddler.

EuroMillionsWinner · 18/02/2020 11:13

He's a sexist, abusive, shagabout, entitled, lazy, useless cunt. He'll clear off for good. He was just booty calling you.

MitziK · 18/02/2020 14:51

Oh dear, the little man got turned down. And dumped by the one he thought he'd struck gold with - probably because she shagged around on her, too or that she found out there was some overlap between you and her

No wonder his ickle nose is out of joint.

No matter, you can get babysitters for evenings out. At least babysitters don't give a shit whether you're drinking lemonade or vodka - and they don't accuse you of sleeping around like it's anything to do with them.

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