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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I don’t think I’m good enough for my boyfriend

55 replies

Beccacats1991 · 12/02/2020 19:21

He is really lovely most of the time but I just don’t feel good enough. He constantly makes jokes about my ‘big arse’ and comments on everything I do. I cooked for him this evening and he didn’t even like it and put the whole meal in the bin. He doesn’t like veg or onions or anything and is extremely picky so he isn’t going to like anything I cook for myself as I’m trying to loose weight cos I don’t feel good enough and I need to raise my confidence levels away but all this just kinda pushed my arse into gear. He also doesn’t like any of the gifts I buy him because he doesn’t like to be bought sprays or deodorants as he says that means he smells and he says he has expensive taste but I can’t afford to be buying anything over the top so for Valentine’s Day I’ve had to get my credit card out which I really do not want to do but I have no choice. I just don’t feel like I’m enough for him and I ask him questions like does he prefer curly hair or straight hair and he said curly hair but I don’t have curly hair :,( even though he’s 26 stone I still feel like I’m not good enough for him :,( I don’t know what to do anymore because I feel like I’m failing him :,(

OP posts:
WidowSimone · 12/02/2020 19:49

Run for the hills OP and don't look back!
Good luck.

WestCountryLady · 12/02/2020 19:49

He also doesn’t like any of the gifts I buy him because he doesn’t like to be bought sprays or deodorants as he says that means he smells

He sounds a bit simple, can you really be bothered?

TreatMyself · 12/02/2020 19:51

So what are you planning to get him on your credit card? (Please don’t.)

richele4 · 12/02/2020 19:52

dump him like, now.

Ouchaheadinmybehind · 12/02/2020 20:10

he says it’s a joke

Jokes are supposed to be funny. He is crushing your confidence. A decent boyfriend wouldn’t leave you with low self esteem. A decent boyfriend would love you as you are. Do not spend on your credit card, he is an abusive twat.
LTB.

Usemyname123 · 12/02/2020 20:16

Agree with all the PPs. I know this guy has shredded your confidence but he really should not have.
How can he say you have a fat arse WHEN HE WEIGHS 26 STONE.

More than likely he knows you're too good for him and he treats you like this to make you think that you aren't good enough.

But you can do so much better !! I really hope you find the strength and confidence to leave this waste of space, there will be much nicer men 💐

Usemyname123 · 12/02/2020 20:18

Also, please, please don't spend a single penny on your card for this tosser. Run and never look back, it's really hard but it will make your life so much better.

TorkTorkBam · 12/02/2020 20:22

I think it is emotional abuse too but I’m not sure he realises he is hurting me

Why does it matter what he realises? That just tells you whether he is stupid or mean. The outcome is the same: he does not make you happy so dump him.

WestCountryLady · 12/02/2020 20:31

You started your thread with "He is really lovely most of the time"
what do you believe is lovely most of the time about him?

TorkTorkBam · 12/02/2020 20:34

I know some people who are lovely all the time if you exclude any times when they are horrid...

tenlittlecygnets · 12/02/2020 20:37

You've done the Freedom Programme? You might want to read it again.

Your poor self esteem is directly linked to your twat of a bf.

Bin him off and raise your bloody boundaries!!

Fairycake2 · 12/02/2020 20:45

What an absolute twatt. Please dump him. You are way too good for him 💐

YasssKween · 12/02/2020 20:55

This is the homework guy?!

With all due respect OP, what the fuck are you thinking?

He's a cunt. He's a nasty bully.

He is not lovely most of the time.

In saw someone say on here once if you were offered a glass of your favourite drink but it had 5% shit in it, would you drink it? Of course you wouldn't. Even if he was "lovely" 95% of the time which he definitely isn't and you need to do some work on what you consider lovely and a nasty, bullying cunt 5% of the time that should still be unacceptable to you.

You say you've been in an abusive relationship before. I fear that because you've been with a 10/10 wanker, a 9/10 wanker seems ok to you. You deserve more.

Have you had any counselling since your abusive relationship? I think it would do you the world of good and you need to work on your boundaries and expectations before you get into another relationship.

God he makes my skin crawl and I don't even know him!

What's your living situation with him?

inthekitchensink · 12/02/2020 21:08

Please look after yourself and get some counselling to learn why you value yourself so very little. Develop strong boundaries, learn to stand up for yourself, take no shit, and only let people take up your precious time if they are worth it. The sad fact you can’t see he is far from worth it is indicative of a long road you need to take before dating again. These fuckers sense vulnerability and insecurity and use it to tear you down & control you. This is a very, very sad post to see and I wish much better for than this sad sack of shit

Original poster
Beccacats1991 · 12/02/2020 21:32

I don’t live with the guy we have only been dating 3 months. The abusive relationship I was in was 3 years ago and I’m still waiting on the list for talking therapy for it. I was single all the time after that up until now. I still get flash backs and stuff but I’m doing ok.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 12/02/2020 21:37

You've been seeing a 26 st man for 3 months and he jokes about your big arse and puts a meal you cooked for him in the bin.

Why on earth are you seeing him, he sounds repulsive.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 12/02/2020 21:38

So he’s incredibly unpleasant to you, an awful father and really rather fat.

Sounds like an absolute dream guy.

fuckoffImcounting · 12/02/2020 21:39

This arsehole is an abuser. Every time he does it he is robbing you of more of your self esteem. You need to dump him now before he hurts you even more. He is a horrible wanker - if I was your mum I would come round and take the gifts he does not value and shove them up his abusive arse.

notthisshitagain · 12/02/2020 21:41

Dating three months and he's ripping up his kids homework in front of you?

Jeez, where to begin with this vile piece of shit.

notthisshitagain · 12/02/2020 21:48

What age are you and what age is your own daughter?

YasssKween · 12/02/2020 21:52

Three months?! I think you posted in December about him and he was already an arsehole then.

Do you see that you need to leave and that it's an incredibly unhealthy relationship?

It doesn't feel like you believe that?

TorkTorkBam · 12/02/2020 21:55

Dump the loser.

Peignoir · 12/02/2020 22:22

Sorry, what? He's 26 stones and calls you fat? He's out of his mind. Ditch the slob. Clearly he's got issues and he probably doesn't want you to lose weight either. Ditch him ASAP. He's not good enough for you. Picky eater? There's two options on the menu: take it or leave it. The audacity is beyond ridiculous.

PicsInRed · 12/02/2020 23:21

but I’m not sure he realises he is hurting me....

Course he does. Why do you think he does it? Because it works.

Dumpety dump dump dump. 🗑

MashedSpud · 13/02/2020 00:44

Jesus, you need to raise your bar.