Is this consent?

[Tinybelles]

If you tell someone repeatedly that you are not sure you want to sleep with them could that be considered you consenting to have sex with them?

I have confronted someone over something that happened a few weeks ago and he is really messing with my head and now I'm doubting myself.

He keeps telling me how horrible it feels for him to hear this and that I'm making out like he raped me when he never held me down or forced me. He said nothing happened without my consent but I feel differently. I know I should have been clearer and said a firm no and I have admitted that to him. But I think it was his responsibility to check I wanted to sleep with him as he initiated. I had already told him to stop as he had taken things too far. I was happy to kiss him but was not expecting him to suddenly shove his hand in my knickers and start doing things to me. I pushed him away and told him to stop but he soon started kissing me again and grabbed my hand and shoved it in his pants and told me to touch him. I pulled away once he let go. He then started undressing me and I told him I couldn't sleep with him that night. He got a condom anyway. Stupidly I said nothing in the 15/20 seconds it took him to get it on. But as soon as he came towards me lying me back on the sofa I started saying over and over 'I'm not sure' but he did it anyway. I asked him to stop fairly quickly, which he did. I was visibly upset. I left the room to do something and when I came back he hugged me and started kissing me again. This next bit is entirely on me. I ended up sitting straddling his lap. He flipped me over so I was lying on the sofa and he was I top of me. He went and got another condom and I just lay there silent. I thought that he had already done it once so what was the point I saying anything, so it happened again for longer this time. It was not nice. I couldn't breathe. I said nothing for as long as I could before asking him to stop again.

Please can someone help me understand what happened the first time? I know the second time I said nothing so that's on me but I'm very confused about everything that happened before.

Thank you and I'm sorry this is so long

exactly what Lonny says. Your reaction was because you knew no matter wat it was going to happen and this was the easiest way to do so. Forgive yourself and allow yourself to accept that he is never going to see that way

and get him out of your life

Of course you didn't give him a "hard no," he's twice your size and has a history of coercing you into sex (raping you). You acted as you did out of self-preservation and he is a disgusting scumbag.

Can you call the rape crisis line so you have someone to talk to about it? Have you got any friends or family you could talk to?

Yes, get a non-molestation order. Never speak to him again and don't pay any attention if he ever does seem to apologize. I can guarantee the apology will be crap to manipulate you.

You didn't say no because you were very clearly giving signals that you did not want sex (and saying no to morw than kissing plus repeatedly saying you weren't sure) and when he ignored these, you knew he would do it anyway so not saying no made it easier at the time to not think that he was raping you, especially because of your previous experience.

Basically it was easier for you to just accept he was doing it anyway (freezing) rather than have to try and fight him off etc, which probably would have made him more forceful.

CousinKrispy I hadn't thought about how everything that happened in the past would have effected how I was thinking at the time but it makes perfect sense

Qwerty543 I think that's exactly it. Thank you. It was easier to just accept that it was happening and not a acknowledge that it was rape