I want to start this by saying I have already ended things with him, but I am suffering and I am just really struggling to make sense of things and I wondered if anyone has dealt with a similar thing with a partner before and can offer some insight or advice? (sorry this is so long - I tried to cut it down but I didn't want to leave out anything important, also I've name changed and tweaked some unimportant details just in case it's outing)
I met this guy through online dating, we met mid December and hit it off massively. We more or less spent the whole first weekend together, as he was about to go on holiday for three weeks to his home country (he's Spanish).
Off he went on holiday, and he couldn't have acted more interested. During this three weeks, for example: he video chatted me almost daily (sometimes for an hour or more) - he text messaged me constantly, off and on for the entire day more or less. There was lots of sexual attraction but lots of mental/emotional attraction too. He was extremely affectionate (lots of kiss emojis and hearts and sweet words and pet names).
He came back and we saw each other and it was still great. Then a week after he got back (this is now almost exactly a month that we'd known each other) we were lying in bed talking and somehow the conversation turned to "us" (at this point we had agreed to keep things casual and that we weren't exclusive although neither of us was seeing anyone else). Then he told me he wasn't falling in love with me and he didn't think he ever would/could.
I thought this was a strange thing to say, given that although we'd been talking for a month, I'd only seen him in person like 5 or 6 times! The conversation was calm but just strange, and he left my house late that night and I was under the assumption that because he didn't see any proper future for us, he didn't want to keep seeing me.
The next day, we messaged a lot back and forth and he came over to see me. We talked exhaustively and finally he said he really did want to keep seeing me, he was overthinking things and just not living in the moment, but that he very much wanted things to be casual and he didn't want to be exclusive.
I was genuinely fine with all of this, especially as I know that since he split with his wife a few years ago, I'm the only one he's properly dated.
So things ticked along fine for a few more weeks, he kept asking to see me and making plans with me, was still in regular contact every day and video calling me most nights he wasn't at my house. Still very affectionate and would come rushing over if anything was wrong (like if I got ill, or once when my pet got hurt).
Then we had a strange Saturday, where I met him in town to do some shopping and I could tell something was up. Finally he told me he was back on the dating app and had matched with someone, but that he hadn't been interested in her - but that he felt like he was cheating on me by talking to someone else. And that he realised he was just keeping his profile open as a crutch of sorts, and that he was going to delete the app.
I was taken aback by the cheating comment, as far as I knew he was already using the app to look for other people, so we started talking about his feelings. And then, somehow, all of a sudden he was telling me that I'm "Just his very good friend" that he likes to sleep with, and that again he'll never ever fall in love with me (and he knows this because he would be feeling it already if he was) and we went round in circles for hours. Until I asked him point blank what he wanted, and he said he just wanted to keep seeing me.
(I know, I know.)
So I told him I'd like to keep seeing him but that these thrice-weekly freakouts had to stop. That either he wants to see me and see how it eventually goes, or he doesn't, but either way he needs to decide.
Things seemed okay, the next day we had an amazing day together and he told me he was sorry for the drama, that he wanted to just see how things went, and he didn't know why he kept fucking up something amazing with me. He also admitted that he feels "more for me than just a friend" and he is super happy around me, and I make him feel things he's never felt before.
This last weekend we went on a little trip together, we were each seeing separate friends and I drove us there and back. He planned a lunch just so I could meet his friends (he'd introduced me to the rest of his friends in our town, and he'd taken me to where he works, already) and when we went out together it dawned on me that we acted more like a couple than the actual couple we were at lunch with. It just hit me all of a sudden how off it was for him to keep telling me we're casual and he wants to see other people and yet at the same time, not see anyone but me and act like my boyfriend all the time.
so I talked to my friends about it, who all said he's got serious issues and that I need to cut it off or I'll just be dealing with this forever. So on the drive home this past Sunday, I asked him if he'd spoken to his friends about us and the situation. He did and said they told him they thought it was going to end in disaster, based on how he'd been acting about it all, and that he'd been thinking the same thing. I told him I thought we should probably stop seeing each other and he looked upset but he didn't put up a fight and agreed immediately that it was for the best.
Since then I have been miserable, I miss him so much, I had to message him yesterday about some of his stuff he'd left at my place, and what to do with it, and he was so sweet and extremely talkative and seemed so happy to hear from me. We had talked on Sunday about just being friends but I know I can't handle it, I'm too attracted to him and like him too much.
But now... I just wonder if I've made some big dramatic decision prematurely, or if my head is so far in the sand that I can't see the truth of the situation at all?
Has anyone ever experienced this with anyone - did I do the right thing ending it?