I dont know what he's doing with me

[Mum002]

So ive been with my partner for 2 years. At the beginning we had the usual talks about what we want from life. He knew then i wanted more kids and marriage and to, at some point save for a mortgage.

I already have a ds to a previous relationship. But i want a couple more. My now partner and i got pregnant a few months into our relationship (unplanned but wanted) baby is now born. But our relationship doesn't seem to be making any progress. I have mentioned that i would like another baby nexr year. I dont want there to be a massive gap between this baby and the next. He has now told me he wants to wait a while for another baby, but i dont want to wait.

He has no intention of marrying me and a mortgage is totally off the cards too. He hasnt said it but his excuse is always about money. But these are things people save for. I feel like theres more to it than he is letting on.

I feel like i am putting my life on hold for a man that will never go half way with me to make life complete. I have tried talking to him but he doesn't talk about anything. I feel so lost and frustrated.

Sorry for the long post.

If he won't commit after 2 years then he's not that into you. I'm sorry and I don't mean to be harsh but 2 years is quite a while in my view. He's stringing you along. Take control of your life and leave.

@BlueJava im starting to believe so.

Up to 2 years is usually the honeymoon phase but having a baby and being step parents will have taken the shine of those early days as you must have both missed out on the dating phase. Do you still like and love each other?

You have 3 children between you and that will be a consideration for him. Most people would feel their family is complete.

If you started again with another man, would you do it differently and wait for marriage, mortgage before children? It might help you work out what is most important to you.

Btw, ignore what others are doing, it is your life and if you are with a man with a child already then your path will be different to theirs.

I don’t believe he isn’t in to. Many men just dont see the point in ‘making it official’ when they already have everything.

I’d definitely put if another child because your actually in a really vulnerable position financially.

You**

Its only a conversation every couple should have

Did you have it before you had your first child together though? Did he tell you he wanted more kids and string you along before changing his mind, or did you just assume he'd do things your way?

Sorry, but your post is all me me me. I wanted more kids, I want them to be close in age, I don't want to wait. What about him?

Seriously, would you want him to have another kid with you just to make you happy? There's a chance he'd end up resenting you, you both need to be on the same page. A new baby is challenging for the strongest of couples. A new baby that only one parent wants in an uncertain relationship could be the death knell.

At the beginning we had the conversation. He said he wanted all those things aswel. It was actually him initiated the conversation then. If he had said then he didnt want those things i wouldnt of continued the relationship. But he did say thats what he wanted so i did continue in it. And i only brought up the topic of marriage etc to see if/when we would start to work on it and which one we would work on first. It is only now recently he has refused to talk about these things. And no im not saying it all has to be done right away.

"I have asked him to leave before and he said he doesnt want to go so he never does leave."

Doesn't sound like a great relationship to be considering bringing even more kids into.

Your updates sound childish and argumentative.

The fact is you rushed into getting pregnant with someone you didn’t know.

He’s probably tried to do the right thing and stand by you, but do you really think if you hadn’t got pregnant he’d still be with you ? I’d doubt it.

This is why sensible people double up on contraception, make sure they avoid “accidents” and get to know someone properly before committing to having a child with someone - and it’s even worse with pre-existing children involved. So much upheaval for them. They are the ones I feel sorry for (along with the new children born into their parents car crash lives).

He’s not bothered about going at your pace - either because he’s not bothered about you or because he’s happy as he is. You kind of need to find out which so you can decide if you’re happy to go at his pace or, if he’s not bothered about you, so you can decide to leave.

It’s also rubbish about asking him to leave. If you were serious about breaking up, the pair of you would have to make alternative plans and you wouldn’t still be together. Or are you there again at your will ?

He hasn't flat out said he doesn't want marriage or a mortgage though ....? What's wrong with staying as you are? I don't see why you're so eager to pop out multiple kids? Does he treat you well, look after the kids and provide you with emotional support?

I see where he's coming from to be honest. How are you going to afford it all? Three young kids, an additional one on the way ... wedding and a mortgage? You need to prioritise what's most important as you're going to struggle juggling all of this at once. He shouldn't penalised for wanting to take it slowly.

Marriage and mortgages are not the be all and end all...sounds like he is being sensible tbh.

Boot him out of your home until he can either make a commitment or fuck off. He is probably very comfortable getting everything he wants without commitment. You have as much leverage as he does, you just have to use it and take the risk that he may not want you.

OP didnt say she wanted wanted all this today, tomorrow or next week. OP has said in previous replies she wants to have those chats and OP has every right to know what is going on in dp head.