Ways to meet men that are not OLD

[Anxious1013]

Hi

Met someone through OLD (the first person I had ever been on an online date with) and we went on 7 dates. He’s lovely but he texted me yesterday that he would rather be friends . I was aware that “chemistry” might be lacking, but I really enjoyed going on dates with him. I also don’t want to go back to my on my own (post horrible divorce) life. I say on my own, I have three stroppy teenagers, but they sometimes make me feel lonelier .

However the whole experience also made me very anxious - my date is/was not the type to do it at all, but my fear of being ghosted was awful and the week to week wait to see if there would be another date or not made me incredibly anxious. We’re talking disabling feelings of nausea in my stomach that I couldn’t shift. That’s one good thing about the dates stopping, I will be able to function in my daily life better!

So I don’t think OLD is for me. I am looking for suggestions - if you met your other half IRL, how did you meet? Or what do you think are good ways of meeting people?

I would much rather meet someone, become friends and then get together - I think OLD puts pressure on people to make all kinds of decisions too fast (IMO).

To be honest I've always met men in real life and become friends and it's still worked out how you describe. Sorry that's not what you wanted to hear. Maybe take some time to be really happy with who you are first then look at dating.

I've met partners through work, and I rented my place out to one, and also through friends.

Join a running club or cycling club

Clubs that are male heavy. As mentioned above, cycling, running etc.

I met my partner on caravan park in the kids club. Our children was playing together so we sat together and the rest is history.

We now live together and have successfully blended our family.

I’ve found no difference between old and meeting men in real life in terms of how I feel ( will there be a second date etc). Don’t be put off old

What happens if you don't like running or cycling ?

Maybe take some time to be really happy with who you are first then look at dating. yes I agree that I should do this, thing is I am 51 so how much time do I have .

@Fixedterm I was afraid of that - that the anxiety might be as bad IRL. I guess if I did try OLD again, I would do it in a much more lighthearted and disengaged manner.

I had a fling with an electrician who did some work at my house. We had (what I thought) was an intense and fun few months, then he ghosted me last week after telling me I was the most amazing and hottest person he'd ever met . I do not recommend hooking up with trades working in your house

You could have 50 years left!

Ghosting and being zombied are common occurrences on all platforms. It's the nature of the beast @Anxious1013. I always take OLD rather light-heartedly as there's an abundance of sketchy characters online. What better place for them to be? I wouldn't give up with OLD as there are genuine guys on there .... you just have to discern the right characters. Have you thought about joining some sort of activity class? What interests do you have? Perhaps go along to something and see how you bump into? I.e. I love interior and decor, so I attend these events alone to meet with others. I met a lovely gentlemen at the last Farrow & Ball colour release in Shoreditch last year.

Met dh in a bar. Total stranger. Kissed him within less than an hour and never had a night apart since!!

@edwinbear He did you dirty! Did you at least get a discount? Oh well, at least the sex was GOOD. Something about tradie pheromones does rattle my cage .... I do like the "roughness" sometimes. Oh, I must behave!

@Whynosnowyet I love it!

Through friends

We are married with a dc now. I had dc when we met.
Many!

Find your local 'Ceroc' or 'modern jive night'. Easy dance classes (you'll be dancing after a week or two), all ages. You don't need a partner, and during the class everyone rotates, so you'll meet lots of new people.

ps. Most people go on their own.

@Peignoir you love ot be ause it worked out. I'm pretty sure you'd have a different opinion had it not

Oh dear..sent too soon.

*it
*because.

I met my husband at a dance class.

@Anxious1013 Your anxiety will be a problem regardless of how you meet. I suggest finding a way to deal with it

Take each plan lightheartedly and don't put all your hope on meeting or not. Easier said than done, I know, but it's about coping with it rather than meeting men differently because it (anxiety) will always rear its head.

Oh, it's happened to me before @Nothing2doooooo. I'm not the sort to get attached to someone if it's just good, casual sex. I'm fortunate enough to be O.K with NSA. I never commit to one at any given time unless we've spoken about exclusivity

Peignoir he says he didn't charge me a call out because he fancied me so much - he was definitely hot! But now I'm left needing to find a new sparks which is dreadfully inconvenient

That's funny, I quite fancy my plumber.. OP I've not had great OLD experiences and it makes me anxious too - I always expect the worst although I'm quite cynical about men so maybe that's half my problem. I hate it when they want to get you off the app and talk WhatsApp almost immediately. I'm 49 with a DS5 so wonder how I'm ever going to meet a decent man. Maybe one will fall from the sky?

Oooh, no call-out charge @edwinbear. Lol! I'd be happy with that. Oh, you may need to knock out a light bulb and get another tradie around for their assistant .....