Would you give him a second chance ?

[lilyrayne]

Hi long story cut short but
Together 3 years didn't live together, both have children from previous relationships.
Things hadn't been great for months, arguing constantly him not giving me any attention ever always on his phone every night for hours on betting apps. I told him maybe we could try couple counselling he agreed I made An appointment he didn't bother then.
He has been in my child's life for 3 years from a baby to now and didn't ever really bother getting to know him or want to spend anytime with us when he wasn't at her dads. (I never expected him to be his father but at least try to bond)
I've had anxiety for years which has been hard for him as he couldn't really be there for me or even bother to understand.
He has had a lot of stress from work, ex's etc. We broke up 2 months ago as
he started to pull away saying he was depressed I supported him, I asked if he still loved me says not sure. He then disappeared on me for over a month.
So after this I said it's defo over gave all his stuff and we are broken up. Then he straight away was I'm sorry I love you let's try again give me a second chance il change etc my family liked him but didn't really know that he was like behind closed doors they said to make sure I make a decision I don't regret. I didn't really until they said this :/

Ps I do love him, I just don't see why he had to change now I don't want him back n he could've in 3 years we were togther. In other ways he's a good guy but I feel I don't like him as a person anymore really he broke my heart. I'm torn with this decision and was going to let time go by for a few weeks/ months to see how I felt x

I wouldnt waste any more time on him.

The thing is, giving someone a 'second chance' works if they've done something bad in a one-off way. But if things have been bad for months it's not really giving him a second chance, it's asking him to completely change. Which is unlikely IME.

No, think of your son, no second chance.

No I wouldn't, doesn't sound like a great relationship to start with. I think you'll just get stuck back in that rut really quickly.

Move on, find someone that actually wants to be part of your lives.

No, stop wasting your time. Find someone decent instead.

No. For me, the fact that he wasn't engaging with my child would be reason enough to end the relationship.

He will not change.

No, what is the point? He didn't make any effort with you or your child. He isn't suddenly going to change!

Sounds like a good opportunity for you to move on and find someone better.

No I wouldn't. He's more interested in getting apps than spending time with you, he clearly couldn't care less for your ds.

Don't look at it as 3 wasted years, look at it that you have a chance at a new start and to find someone worthy of you.

No.

Presume your family don’t know about a lot of things he’s done, the gambling problem etc.

Nope nope nope.

arguing constantly
him not giving me any attention
always on his phone every night for hours, on betting apps.
didn't ever really bother getting to know my child or want spend any time with us.
couldn't be there for me or even bother to understand my anxiety.
broke up 2 months ago as he started to pull away saying he was depressed; I asked if he still loved me said not sure.
He then disappeared on me for over a month.

Nope.

No

No. 3 years and he didn’t even properly get to know your son?
No chance. Move on. Get someone that treats you and your child better.

In the nicest possible way...raise your standards.

Your child will know this adult doesn't care about them and is treating them with indifference. And you are allowing that to happen.

Learn a lesson from this and give your child a big hug and move on.

Block your ex so you don't get tempted to be drawn back in.

Good luck

Absolutely not. Not ever. He had 1095 days to treat you, and your son, with decency and respect. That's 1095 chances. What makes you think he would change now? He wasn't even sure that he loved you the other week, that's his level of commitment to this situation.

You deserve better, move on

You deserve much better from a partner.

He's not good enough for you or your son.

Definitely move on . He won’t change.

The pain he caused me is so bad and the heartbreak he said he has changed and will have that bond now with my child will do anything etc but I'm in limbo I just don't know I don't want to live with regrets

Thanks for all replies too🌸

He’s hoovering you back in. Don’t fall for it as tempting as it sounds. He can’t possibly change all that over night!

Why would you believe anything he says?
He didn't care or bother to try for 3 years.

He hasn't changed. He's been gone for a month. I suspect he's just hard up for some sex.

This guy has nothing to offer.
Use this time to treat yourself and your son kindly and enjoy your life without this loser.
Delete and block him.