Would you give him a second chance ?

[lilyrayne]

Hi long story cut short but
Together 3 years didn't live together, both have children from previous relationships.
Things hadn't been great for months, arguing constantly him not giving me any attention ever always on his phone every night for hours on betting apps. I told him maybe we could try couple counselling he agreed I made An appointment he didn't bother then.
He has been in my child's life for 3 years from a baby to now and didn't ever really bother getting to know him or want to spend anytime with us when he wasn't at her dads. (I never expected him to be his father but at least try to bond)
I've had anxiety for years which has been hard for him as he couldn't really be there for me or even bother to understand.
He has had a lot of stress from work, ex's etc. We broke up 2 months ago as
he started to pull away saying he was depressed I supported him, I asked if he still loved me says not sure. He then disappeared on me for over a month.
So after this I said it's defo over gave all his stuff and we are broken up. Then he straight away was I'm sorry I love you let's try again give me a second chance il change etc my family liked him but didn't really know that he was like behind closed doors they said to make sure I make a decision I don't regret. I didn't really until they said this :/

Nope. Get rid. Sounds like a loser. Want better for yourself.

I would take this opportunity and move on, it hasn't been good for a while. Ask yourself, if you were looking for a new person in your life, what qualities would they have? What do you want from a relationship? Then consider if that person is him
Good luck OP

no, no second chances. He won't change - but you'll just lose more of yourself waiting for him to change. I've learned this the hard way!

I know someone who has given a man about 15 second chances despite the worse, most degrading cruel abuse - she has wasted so many years (and gone completely insane in the process) waiting for the man she wants him to be to arrive. They just don't, and once you take them back, they lose respect for you (and you for yourself too) and you've given them licence to treat you badly over and over again.

Look at how he's treated you. That's not love. Look at what he does, not what he says. He's just hoovering you in.

Good luck OP. You'll get through this, but he'll always be that man. You are worth more than that.

Rather than agonising over a decision which ought to be straightforward, invest in shoring up your self-esteem and spend some time exploring what you actually want to do with this, your one and only precious life. You may want a man in your life, but you don't actually need a man, so don't be tempted unless he actually brings something to your table. Above all, learn to love yourself.

Hell no! He’s smart enough to know what to say but doesn’t give a shit enough to change.

Urgh, he is seeking to use your Dc as leverage. Why on earth would you encourage your DC to bond further with someone so unreliable?

You might think he's good enough for you but he's not good enough for your child so stay strong for them.

The pain he caused me is so bad and the heartbreak he said he has changed

People rarely change, especially not because if someone else.

For example: someone might stop drinking, but they would do it because they no longer wanted to drink, or they'd grown out of wanting to go to the pub every night and would change gradually, if they stopped drinking in order to stay in a relationship then it would never be a long term change.

Find some who wants to be with you and your child, not someone who has to change to be what you want.

Thanks again for all the replies. I've been feeling very down and just crap about it all. I really really want to believe he can change but I don't think he can in the long run.