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Original poster

Met an amazing man but is this strange?

55 replies

Thenotvh · 08/02/2020 09:51

He’s only lived with someone for 5 months and he’s 37.

His longest relationship has been 18 months and his partner asked him to move out 5 months after moving in.

I think he’s great but I have been known to miss red flags in the past. Even if it’s not a red flag, I want to here my wits about me. What do you think?

OP posts:
category12 · 08/02/2020 09:55

What's amazing about him? I always find it weird when people describe new boyfriends in superlatives. They're just humans, don't put them on a pedestal and they haven't so far to fall, poor bastards.

luanmapo · 08/02/2020 09:56

The fact you have come on here to ask means it has bothered you.
You say you have missed red flags in the past, maybe trust your gut instinct on this one.
Perhaps previous partners have had enough after such a short time, which says one thing. Or maybe he gets bored too easily and jumps ship and onto the next. Yet another red flag.
Honestly, just trust your instincts and don’t waste time with someone who you are questioning things with already.
Good luck.

Original poster
Thenotvh · 08/02/2020 09:58

Ok yes I realise he has faults, I just meant I like him! He has some amazing qualities that I like...

I think it’s unusual and maybe there’s something I’m missing so far. I’ve only been seeing him since October.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 08/02/2020 09:59

What specifically is amazing?

Whats his job? House situation? WhAt aRe his friends like? Whats his daily routine? Whats his hobby.

Original poster
Thenotvh · 08/02/2020 10:02

He’s funny, kind, well mannered. He’s thoughtful. He gets on well with his family. We have similar values.

But at 37 it does make me wonder how badly sometimes went wrong to have such a short time living with someone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thenotvh · 08/02/2020 10:02

Something not sometimes

OP posts:
alwaysmovingforwards · 08/02/2020 10:02

... or maybe he's just not met the right person yet. Plenty of people in their 30s who haven't prioritised a relationship due to ficus on other things. Just see how it goes IMO. Every human being has potential 'red flags' if you choose to look at them that way. Yup other way is that we're all unique and we'll work for some people and not others.

Not had many LTR - red flag
Had a few LTR - red flag
Was married now divorced - red flag
Has always been single - red flag

Read MN enough and everything's a red flag!

Friendsofmine · 08/02/2020 10:03

I think I would wonder about his past, whether he's being honest etc. I am quite suspicious though. Is he autistic as my friends husband was 40s when they married and he hadn't had a LT relationship before?

CalleighDoodle · 08/02/2020 10:04

Fhnny kind well-mannered and thoughtful being described as amazing makes me think youve very low expectations.

What aRe his friends like?

category12 · 08/02/2020 10:04

Are they really amazing qualities though, or just normal qualities people ought to have?

Original poster
Thenotvh · 08/02/2020 10:05

Not autistic but I’ve noticed he can be a bit obsessive about things being tidy. I’m a very tidy person so it doesn’t bother me much but he seems to focus on it a lot. I think that could get wearing if you lived with him perhaps

OP posts:
Original poster
Thenotvh · 08/02/2020 10:06

Yep maybe I do have low expectations! All I do know is I’ve dated lots and I get lots of people wanting to take things further with me, but he’s the only one in ages and ages that I’ve liked

OP posts:
ferrier · 08/02/2020 10:07

Maybe he just didn't really find the right person. Or maybe it is him. Perhaps he had a wild and feckless youth and wasn't ready for a steady relationship before.
If you've not spotted anything yourself yet and if no-one else has mentioned his dark past then it would be a bit mean to ditch him just for that. I'd hang around a bit longer but don't put this heavy expectation on any relationship that it's 'the one'. Just enjoy it for what it is.
If you like his company, he treats you well and has no awful habits then what's not to enjoy?

Original poster
Thenotvh · 08/02/2020 10:10

True! I’m 35 though so have started to think I don’t have much time. If there’s a red flag I would prefer to move on straight away

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 08/02/2020 10:10

Does he have friends?

Original poster
Thenotvh · 08/02/2020 10:12

Yes he does he has one from university and a couple from work

OP posts:
Robin2323 · 08/02/2020 10:14

I'm very tidy so as long as he ticked all the other boxes I could live with that.
No body's perfect. I'm not.

But I know what I want.

Pipandmum · 08/02/2020 10:16

I had only lived with one boyfriend for about nine months in my early 20s when I met my future husband at 39. I'd has several relationships but none lasting more than a year. I hadn't met anyone I wanted to live with and valued my independence. Good thing my husband didn't hold that against me...

category12 · 08/02/2020 10:20

How long have you known him?

Lampan · 08/02/2020 10:22

Some people just aren’t ‘relationship’ people. Nothing wrong with not having lived with anyone for long before. I’m a similar age and have several good friends in the same boat. No ‘red flags’ with them, they have all just prioritised career and social life. I guess the main thing to watch for is that if he’s almost always lived alone and usually been single, he may struggle to get used to having someone else in his life. But otherwise it’s not a ‘red flag’ at all.
It doesn’t sound like he has many friends though? I’d say that’s more unusual than his relationship history at that age.

katewhinesalot · 08/02/2020 10:24

What does he say is the reason for the relationship ending only 5 months after it was deemed strong enough to warrant moving in? And how old was he at the time?

Surely that is the crucial thing?

I don't think it's bad in itself that are 36 there haven't been that many relationships.

poopbear · 08/02/2020 10:25

Maybe he picks his nose and eats it while watching eastenders and the GF got sick of watching it. Happened to me. He also used to sit in the evenings with his hand down his pants, trousers unzipped, playing with himself, legs akimbo on the couch. Gross. You don’t know somebody’s personal habits until you’ve lived with them. Maybe his are gross.

Windmillwhirl · 08/02/2020 10:26

Not had many LTR - red flag
Had a few LTR - red flag
Was married now divorced - red flag
Has always been single - red flag

This.

Give it a chance, take your time. No one can predict the future.

Callimanco · 08/02/2020 10:28

The only thing that worries me about obsessive tidiness is that children make mess. If you are thinking about a LTR with kids....Would he be prepared to slacken off when you are postnatal with a toddler? Otherwise that could get very stressful very fast.