Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Getting Married in 10 days. Cold feet?

27 replies

Bookaholic73 · 07/02/2020 19:46

What exactly are cold feet?
10 days till I get married and all of a sudden I’m worrying about all sorts of things, wondering if I am making a mistake etc.

Has anyone else had this, just before getting married??

OP posts:
loutypips · 07/02/2020 19:52

Yes. And I wish I had listened to my heart and not gone through it.
But, most people get cold feet just before and are fine! A friend of my ex locked himself in the bathroom on the day of the wedding and nearly didn't make it as he had second thoughts. He's been married for almost 15 years now.

Original poster
Bookaholic73 · 07/02/2020 19:54

@loutypips wow, thAts cutting it fine. Glad he made it!

Why do you wish you’d listened to your heart?

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 07/02/2020 19:55

Are the doubts about the person you are marrying? Whether you should be committing to one another?
Or are the doubts about the wedding?

Original poster
Bookaholic73 · 07/02/2020 20:00

All of if! Not the wedding itself, but him, his family, what the future holds etc

OP posts:
loutypips · 07/02/2020 20:00

Well he had been cheating on me and I was stupid enough to go ahead with it! And a bit scared that everyone would judge me. Didn't want my parents to loose all the money either.

But why are you having doubts? Is it 'I'm going to be stuck with them for the rest of my life...' or something else?

Original poster
Bookaholic73 · 07/02/2020 20:04

@loutypips ouch!!
I don’t really know..I don’t mind the being with him forever, it’s mainly dealing with his psycho ex that’s got me worried!

OP posts:
loutypips · 07/02/2020 20:09

Oh! Yeah exes can be a problem, especially if there are children involved. But does he side with you or her?

Ashsummer · 07/02/2020 20:16

Why did you agree to marry him if the ex situation hadn't been sorted?

I think the whole marriage thing can be daunting and easy to lose sight of what you're doing.

The question is are you expecting anything to change between you and your partner after you get married? If you're expecting anything to change for the better or there will be an improvement on your current relationship then don't do it.
If you don't want anything to change and it remains as it has been then perfect .I think it's just feeling overwhelmed after its a big commitment

user14572856389 · 07/02/2020 20:18

"Psycho ex"?

RositaEspinosa · 07/02/2020 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 07/02/2020 20:21

What's the story with the 'psycho ex'? I usually find anyone with one of those is trouble themselves.

Original poster
Bookaholic73 · 07/02/2020 20:21

Oh he always sides with me.
He isn’t the problem.

OP posts:
Ashsummer · 07/02/2020 20:25

No, no no massive red flag. Not necessary to have a psycho ex. He hasn't cleaned up his shit what are you doing???

Original poster
Bookaholic73 · 07/02/2020 20:27

Meh, it’s just my name for her.

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/02/2020 20:31

I don’t think I’d go through with the wedding if I was having doubts about him, his family and the future... and I wouldn’t under any circumstances if he had a psycho ex.

I think it’d be better to postpone and make sure that you’re sure than to go through with it, regret it and have to get divorced.

RositaEspinosa · 07/02/2020 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RositaEspinosa · 07/02/2020 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ashsummer · 07/02/2020 21:31

Sorry but you're sounding very immature.
So yoU don't want to marry this guy because of several factors and you both call his ex psycho?
So much drama.
He should be having any psycho ex's it's ridiculous

Merlinite · 07/02/2020 21:32

I had cold feet and told myself it was just cold feet. I was too much of a coward to call it off and have been paying for it heavily ever since. I ruined my own life then tried to make the best of it, essentially. (Sorry but you did ask!)

Why do you want to marry him?

poopbear · 07/02/2020 22:08

You really shouldn’t be getting married if the ex is a problem. That should be dealt with before you get married! Why are you rushing into this? Red flag? Is he doing this just to get back at his ex?

SalmonOfKnowledge · 07/02/2020 22:10

If somebody could wave a magic wand for you and tell you, a year has passed. Everybody knows that you didn't get married in the end. Everybody got over it, everybody has accepted it. That was last year's chip wrapping................ What is your gut reaction to that? Relief Or Sadness?

Ingridla · 08/02/2020 21:18

Yes yes yes. My biggest regret is marrying the wrong person. I divorced him as soon as legally possible. If you know in your heart it's not right please listen to yourself. Don't think you're letting anyone down, they will all understand. Trust me, it's not worth the pain of having to divorce. I hope you're ok and wish you all the best.

Fochit · 08/02/2020 21:22

If a week after you were married he had a serious accident or a massive stroke and needed care forever.
Would you still marry him?

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 08/02/2020 21:32

What exactly are you worried about? Do you have to deal with his Ex a lot?

iamtinkabella · 08/02/2020 21:40

honestly give the OP a break, shes worried, she is anxious about the future its normal. 'Psycho ex' doesnt make the OP immature for god sake! she has most probably had tons of shit of the psycho ex because shes about to marry her DP and the psycho is jealous.