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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am a pathological liar and I need help. I've already fucked up so much

54 replies

failedatlife · 07/02/2020 01:46

I lie about big things, small pointless things.
I can't stop

One lie has been found out and now I have no friends, DH is in the spare room probably wondering what the fuck he married.

I had a dissociative episode today and ended up In a hotel looking at all my tablets but I didn't take any, I've been hearing voices and I had a visual hallucination this morning. I ended up in A&E but they won't section me.

I can't stop crying, because I've fucked up so much and so badly. I don't know why I do it. I do have ptsd from a rape that happened when I was a teenager.

I don't think I can come back from this. I am the woman who lied so much that she fucked up her life.

I'll have no friends, no husband, and nowhere to live by the end of the week. And I don't blame them

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 07/02/2020 10:50

What is it you've lied about op that has caused your husband to react like this?

GrimpenMire · 07/02/2020 10:51

Good luck with it all OP. You have amazing self awareness and that is 99% of what you need to pull yourself out of where you are.

Flowers
Original poster
failedatlife · 07/02/2020 10:52

I've actually literally just received an email from the police officer dealing with my case and I'm so anxious about opening it fully. I can see it says 'ive gone down south and interviewed xx I no...'and I dont think I can fully open it as I'm too scared to read any more

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 07/02/2020 10:55

What case op?

It's really hard to pick this apart. Have you accused someone falsely of something?

Original poster
failedatlife · 07/02/2020 11:00

@Bluntness100 just constant lies. I lie because I'm afraid of arguing so I'll say something to placate him immediately and then I don't think of what I'm going to do when that inevitably doesn't happen.

So I didn't put my time sheets in to work on time because I didn't want to go into work as I thought people were following me, so I didn't get paid. Then when he asked me why I hadn't been paid I said it was to do with work and not me. And that I'll get paid next week but really it was the end of the month not the following week so we'd just have the same conversation over and over again with me lying about getting paid and him getting more and more frustrated

OP posts:
Original poster
failedatlife · 07/02/2020 11:01

@Bluntness100 no I was raped when I was 15 and I reported it to the police. And now I've got a response to it, they've found him and interviewed him. That isn't a lie that actually happened, and it just kicked everything off

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 07/02/2020 11:08

I'm sorry about your rape. Have you received previous help?

As for Thr worksheets, that doesn't sound too bad, can you explain to him why you did it?

Clearly bigger issues at play that hopefully the mental health team can help you resolve. Please try to not be so hard on yourself

hotlava · 07/02/2020 11:17

Sorry that happened. It sounds horrible. I experienced similar.

I have a rape counsellor who helps me with police letters. She opens my post for me, comes to appointment with me and deals with the police on my behalf. I think the charity is called solstice. They are very helpful.

I think you should contact your gp and crisis team. Mine gave me diazepam to help with the trauma. Please don't hurt yourself. You are precious and don't deserve to suffer. It's really hard going through the police system.

pukkapine · 07/02/2020 11:17

Please don't push to get sectioned. It won't help you, but will likely exacerbate your distress. What you need is compassion and understanding about why you lie. It is most probably linked to the trauma. It's a maladaptive way of getting what you need. Is it ideal? Is it working well for you in the long term? No, but it's the way you've learned to get the soothing you need to survive.

So, please try to be kind to yourself.

Can I recommend a website - this lady is hugely helpful and inspirational in her blogs and podcasts:
www.carolynspring.com/

In one of her recent podcasts she talks about how she would manipulate people and lie, and she explains why and how she recovered from it. It's so helpful to understanding what's going on.

Get help with the PTSD symptoms such as dissociation. You then won't need the lying any more.

hotlava · 07/02/2020 11:30

Solace woman's aid is the charity

poopbear · 07/02/2020 11:55

OP. Is there somebody that you trust that can open that email for you? I’ll be honest, your husband leaving you over timesheets isn’t acceptable behaviour from him. My husband tells me nothing about his work and he knows maybe 5% of what I do. Surely it’s up to you when you put your timesheets in? Why is he monitoring that? You aren’t his employee. I’ll be honest, this sounds like lying due to high anxiety. My child does that which is why I recognise it. If people put him under pressure with questioning then he’ll say whatever he had to say in order to get them to back off. You probably need to be on anxiety meds and in a more supportive/kind/non questioning relationship. I’m not sure your current husband is supportive or understanding really. Why does he need to know about your timesheets?

poopbear · 07/02/2020 11:56

I do think you’re being too hard on yourself OP. You should surround yourself with kind and compassionate people.

Interestedwoman · 07/02/2020 12:32

You can turn your life around. Make it clear to everyone (again) that this is a mental health problem, and tell them you'll get more help for it.

I'm glad you've got the help of the crisis team, your mum etc.

When the crisis team come round, you can have another go at trying to get them to admit you, if that's what you want.

I lie because I'm afraid of arguing so I'll say something to placate him immediately

@failedatlife (You don't deserve that username btw) Does he have a bad temper, that you feel you need to placate him? xxx

mamato3lads · 07/02/2020 12:45

@FallenAngel01 how childish and unhelpful

OP, you're not a bad person....I dont know what lie you told that's been found out but there is a reason you lie and it's very likely linked to trauma, or an inability to cope....neither of which are faults....just elements of you that you need to work on and get support with.

What's happening today ? Do you have anyone at all in real life you can lean on?

My heart goes out to you. Keep.posting there are so many fantastic and understanding women here that will help you through...... Flowers

Notjustabrunette · 07/02/2020 12:53

You are not a terrible person. You are a person with mental health issues.
My husband has had issues with his mental health recently (although as is often the case the root cause happened many years ago), and is now undergoing treatment for this.
He has done some awful things as a result of his mental health, which could have ruined our marriage. However, like he has helped me with treatment for cancer, I am supporting him with his illness.
Hopefully once your husband fully understands what you are going through (and you will need to be 100% honest) he will be able to understand reasons why you have been acting the way you have been.

Vilanelle · 07/02/2020 13:00

OP it sounds like you are having a difficult time right now. I hope you get the mental health help you so need right now.

75Renarde · 07/02/2020 14:49

I cant say I'm suprised that you've struggled to get help. A friend who is a MH nurse said you have to FIGHT for help. Broken record.

I know that's appalling but it's where we are I'm the UK.

I'm glad the team are coming out to see you. Please be very honest with them as you have been with us.

Take care and Flowers

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 07/02/2020 15:10

You are not a bad person and you have not failed at life. You have experienced trauma and have mental health issues - that is not failure or a source of shame. Please, I hope you can give yourself a bit of a break.

Re your husband - work and time sheets... Not that bigger deal in the grand scheme of things if he knows what you are going through?

You have asked for help. That is an incredibly brave first step.

dayowl · 07/02/2020 15:13

You are not a bad person in the slightest my loveFlowers you clearly want to get help and that’s great. After everything you’ve gone through it’s no wonder you’re struggling, does your husband know the extent of how bad you feel?

75Renarde · 07/02/2020 15:16

Ignore the fallen angel character. If its who I think it is, they are a monumental Belle End.

(Just nicked that from another MN'er!)

notthisshitagain · 07/02/2020 17:57

I think the time sheets are an example, not specifically the reason the husband is upset and the friends have disappeared at this time? Is that right, OP?

Original poster
failedatlife · 07/02/2020 18:20

@notthisshitagain yes it's mainly about my mental health being so poor that I've just been lying my way through life to get people off my case so I can not deal with the here and now

OP posts:
notthisshitagain · 07/02/2020 18:26

Are you able to tell us what has happened on this occasion that has caused these reactions from your husband and friends?

FATEdestiny · 07/02/2020 18:33

These sound like the words of an alcoholic

itsgettingweird · 07/02/2020 21:59

Ok. So the lies or untrue statements are more about avoiding the situation?

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