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Original poster

Somethign Casual

67 replies

NewtoThis2020 · 06/02/2020 21:31

So texting / sexing a guy on a dating app.
He's happy to meet, having a drink in a public place and that's all that's been agreed to.
He's keen to get me to his flat but a) I'm not sure how to progress, we both know what we want but what happens first time?
B) worried about my privacy / paranoid about camera / filming
C) I don't like the fact that I'm not in control if I go to his place

I can't meet him at mine, definitely no no.
So what do others do?

OP posts:
Ughmaybenot · 13/02/2020 14:07

And all the thoughts are not to do it as it’s not safe. I question your strength of conviction in your own boundaries tbh, you went very quickly from ‘no I won’t go to his’ to ‘I’m going to his’. As a PP says are you that desperate for a shag?

DianaT1969 · 13/02/2020 14:10

So are you going for a coffee or sex? Your last post suggests you think it's for coffee.
How is it faster and more convenient to go to a stranger's house than to go to any of the numerous coffee shops on every high street??
I don't think this is real. Nobody is this desperate for sex.
On the off chance it is real, I strongly suggest you order a vibrator online with next day delivery.
And if your friend doesn't get a text message, who the hell is she going to call for help? "Hmmm 999 my friend went to a stranger's flat for a one hour sex session and I haven't heard from her for 40 minutes...."

Interestedwoman · 13/02/2020 14:20

It's day time and I've said I have an hr for a coffee and that's it.

@NewtoThis2020 Then why not meet him in a public place? It's the same difference in terms of time spent etc. if that's really what you're planning. Wink

Don't get me wrong, I've done hook ups with blokes coming straight to my place.

But you seemed so concerned about safety etc at first, and it is more sensible than meeting them anywhere in private.

I felt more comfortable cutting to the chase as I have social anxiety and would find a coffee date harder work than just getting down to it- is that how you feel too?

If you're so horny it's overriding your common sense. you need to get yourself a Magic Wand toy Smile www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a13953108/best-wand-vibrator/

YasssKween · 13/02/2020 14:24

It's a flat, I could always ask him to leave the front door unlocked?

For goodness sake OP.

I'm taking it to the extreme but that's the same logic as saying I could always ask him not to attack me.

The point is, any mitigation of risk that involves him doing something you ask is an assumption he is a good man who is understanding and wants you to feel comfortable.

If he a good man that then asking him to mitigate risk doesn't work does it? That's the whole point, you don't know.

If he's unwilling to meet you for a coffee or even evening drinks outside his home then do you really want to put trust in him to be a decent guy?

A sensible man who has any respect for a woman would be happy to meet first, even if you then get on like a house on fire and decide FWB works for you both.

You sound painfully naive but I think peoples advice is falling on deaf ears.

YasssKween · 13/02/2020 14:27

Meant to say

If he isn't a good man then asking him to mitigate risk doesn't work does it? That's the whole point, you don't know.

Original poster
NewtoThis2020 · 13/02/2020 14:34

So if I suggest coffee outside and we get on, going to his flat after should be ok?we both have Friday free that's the time pressure I guess, making the most of the time we have, getting to know better.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewtoThis2020 · 13/02/2020 14:36

And I've now gone from being excited for a date after a few years to anxious wreck!

OP posts:
yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 13/02/2020 14:38

Just take sex completely off the table first meet. Meet in a cafe. Have boundaries and if he tries to cross them by persuading you to go to his walk away. I'm quite worried about you now. You know nothing about him except he invites strangers round for sex.

Cheeseontoast4 · 13/02/2020 14:39

OP do not go to his for coffee - meet in a public place - or half of the posters here are going to be wondering whether you’re dead in a ditch somewhere .

RuffleCrow · 13/02/2020 14:42

Don't do it! Read back your op - do you really want to put yourself in such a vulnerable position?

Original poster
NewtoThis2020 · 13/02/2020 14:42

I'll suggest that and get back to you. I won't do it if I don't feel right. Appreciate all your replies.

OP posts:
Double3xposure · 13/02/2020 14:43

What’s wrong with you ???? Get a vibrator.

Or accept that you are putting yourself at risk . Even if you are attacked / drugged / gang raped, the law will do nothing to help you. It’s shit but that’s the kind of country we live in.

Don’t be an idiot.

YasssKween · 13/02/2020 14:48

Why on earth can't you say clearly that you like to meet people the first time on the proviso that sex is off the table so you have a bit of headspace to think about whether you want FWB.

If he's put off by that then why the fuck will you want to shag him?

And follow through on that, go home afterwards and have a think. Give yourself a few days to decide if you want to proceed.

I had a FWB but he became like a best mate - we didn't "just" have sex we did fun stuff together and hung out doing regular stuff like watching films, putting the world to rights as well as shagging. It sounds like he thinks FWB means purely being in one of your homes, shagging and nothing else. Fine if both of you want that but judging by how naive you sound I really don't think it is.

How old are you OP? I don't mean that in a patronising way but you sound so, so naive.

Bubblemonkey · 13/02/2020 14:53

The fiancé was meant to be no strings/FWB... 6yrs on, we have a house together, engaged & going to a wedding fayre at the weekend. I have stayed at “home” literally a handful of times since then 🙊

Original poster
NewtoThis2020 · 13/02/2020 15:02

46!

OP posts:
YasssKween · 13/02/2020 15:16

Oh god OP. Well if this thread hasn't made you decide to definitely have a safe meeting first with sex off the table then I really think you are being foolish.

And if nothing "bad" happens then I fear you'll also use this as a justification to yourself that it's safe and might do it with future people too.

The sad truth is you are making yourself vulnerable and it isn't worth the risk. I'm shocked I thought from your naivety you were maybe early 20s.

Sadly from your posts I don't think you are taking this all on board enough to stop you doing such a risky thing though.

Original poster
NewtoThis2020 · 14/02/2020 15:03

I went to his place! Parked right in front of his flat, he left the door unlocked and open living so all was relaxed.

Felt completely at ease, we've been chatting for 4 weeks now so the banter / familiarity was still there.
Had a cuppa, chatted and got to know him better and the time flew and I had to get back.

Will I let my daughter do it? no! But I feel better to have met him.

OP posts:
TigerDater · 14/02/2020 17:03

Phew OP Grin

YasssKween · 14/02/2020 18:05

You know that a safe outcome doesn't mean what you did was any less foolish?

I'm obviously relieved nothing bad happened but you were lucky, not smart.

If you wouldn't let your daughter do something because of the danger why is it something you would do despite the danger?

Be careful and keep your eyes open. Dating isn't how it used to be and the entitlement from some men if you so much as mention you might have casual sex is jaw dropping.

I really hope you continue to be safe.

OhLook · 14/02/2020 18:09

It's hardly a date.

Double3xposure · 14/02/2020 18:22

Wow he sounds like a prince ! Couldn’t afford three quid for a coffee to meet you in Costa.

Original poster
NewtoThis2020 · 15/02/2020 00:47

Well I won't be doing it again with a new person but I would got to this person's house again.
I trusted my instinct and it worked out this time but yes I have definitely take your points on board.
I thank you again for all the replies.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewtoThis2020 · 15/02/2020 00:49

In fact I would be resign this thread again next time I arrange a date x

OP posts:
OhLook · 15/02/2020 09:31

Why are you calling it a date when you're just planning to go round for a shag?

Original poster
NewtoThis2020 · 15/02/2020 12:02

@OhLook no shagging took place :)

OP posts:
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