Practical advice

[wegottagetoutofthisplace1]

I don't want this to drag on so I will try to keep concise. Also don't have a time machine so any 'well why didn't you...' or 'maybe you should've' doesn't help anyone so please only advice for going forward if anyone has any. Thankyou
I'm typing this so it reads hypothetically to make sense of it but it's about me.
Couple with three kids between 1-5.
Over the last year the dad has become verbally abusive to the mum. Has spread to being in front of the kids.
At Christmas the couple went for help at gp to try and get help. She gave a change of medication (dad previously on antidepressants for 10 years)
And arranged for mental health team to get in touch.
The mum has spoken to womens aid but the advice was for more extreme circumstances
There was improvement for a while
Dad starting to slip back into snappy spiteful comments, children are aware. They've begun commenting about mummy being sad and daddy being mean
Forward to today.
He turned really nasty on her. Told her and the kids he was leaving and as he left he turned round and spat at her.
The kids did not see that part. He came back.
Anyway. She knows she has to leave. For the kids. If it was just her she would be more than happy to let rip with a few home truths but she's never ever without at least one of the children and won't let them see or hear that. He knows this and used it.
Unfortunately her circumstances are:
Rented house in both names
Works only part time opposing shift to partner
No savings
Bad credit
Can't drive
Nowhere to go
Family local but completely unable to help.
She has nothing to leave with and nowhere to go if she did
Heartbroken that it's turned out like this
The children absolutely adore him and most of the time he does them but since 2 became 3 his patience has all but gone.
What the hell does she do

You're doing really well OP. Those are huge steps. Get as much support as you can and well done for reaching out.

All I know is last night I picked up my lovely little boy from school. We skipped hike and he thought everything was ok. We both did.
Then he comes into his home, his place to feel safe and his father that he loves is angry and shouting at his mum. And he heard some horrible things said.
And the truly shit part is my son didn't even react. When it was just us I said I was sorry that there had been grumpiness. He just changed the subject.
My son is old enough to hear properly what's happening and he shouldn't have this confusion in his life.
When I think of that, that's what's making me angry enough to fix it.

*home

Well done on taking those steps to talk to people in real life. Keep making them.

I was worried the weekend was going to be bad. Then the stupid weak part of me thought it might just all be ok... I'm an idiot.
I've been out with my son, had a lovely time. He asked for sex later. I said no, I said we haven't had even a conversation about what happened the other day.
Well that was it. Long and short of it is I asked several times for him to please stop saying things in front of the kids, at least wait until they've gone to bed. He was singing made up songs quietly to taunt me about sex and about how he's definitely leaving tomorrow
Told me I don't exist....the list goes on.
The kids were playing while this was going on but they were definitely aware. I asked him to please just go. He refused.

Then when he was out of the room my 3 year old asked me to play I said just give me a minute (I was sat feeling sick) and then my three year old put her hand on my arm and said 'did daddy do summat?'in a soothing voice.
Made me feel like I ripped in half.
Where's my damn backbone how DARE he put us through this
The kids love him so much and we were all so happy
I've been sick
I'm crying
He's upstairs putting them to bed
I am with my baby downstairs feeding her
I just wish all this hadn't happened
Obviously
Just why 💔

Oh Sweetheart, you know there is no logical explanation of his behaviour and you haven't done anything wrong.

Can you focus on the practical steps you will need to take in order to get your life back on track - as outlined by @12345kbm in a previous post. It will give you something to focus on, and you will feel less helpless, more empowered.

But above all, don't let him get to you.

I know your parents can't help practically in their circumstances but do they have a spare room you could crash in for a month or 3 while you save up for your own rental?

No they have a family member living there and it's not kid friendly. It's not horrible but it's far from safe.
I'm calmer. I've sent a message up to him to express that I care but it's purely to keep the peace for my kids.
I don't even know if it will calm him at the moment.
I'm so gutted
Yeah I have to get my head together now and start things in motion on Monday somehow.
I genuinely am worried about the drastic change in him but we can't sit here taking it while it gets figured out. It's a total personality change, a complete turnaround. I'm seeing someone so loving turn into a cruel bully.

He was being fake normal today
He's just found a t shirt if mine jumbled up in stepsons washing
Says it's weird
He's heavily implying something

He just said he can't be normal
I said are you worried
He kicked the coffee table into the sofa where I was and shouted fuck you
Kids were there they are still wanting to go on a trip we have booked this afternoon
I'm crying I want to get out the house but he won't go and I won't leave kids

His behaviour is escalating.

You are not safe.

Call the police and ask to speak to their DV team.

I know this is hard but you really need to protect your kids from this. You can do this. ❤️

Will a gp report it if I go to her. I'm desperate to minimise trauma for the kids, his brother recently had police called and they took him in front of their kids and social services went to the school.
I'm scared of mine going through that if I can prevent it.
Want to take action tomorrow when he's at work

Stay calm. Deep breaths. You're going to be ok. You can start to make headway tomorrow. Just keep everything as normal as possible for now.

You're doing really well, OP.

You have to consider the trauma the dc are experiencing now being witness to this stuff, and the fact that he is escalating and apparently less and less bothered what they see - this is real and damaging now.

He's at the gp himself. He's telling them what's happening.
I've spoken to womens aid a little but my stupid connection kept going so I'm going to do it again tomorrow
I spoke with my family a little in person but had my daughter with me and she doesn't need to head bad things so not much said.
He doesn't know I'm pursuing ways out and if he wants to try and get help himself while I'm doing that he can crack on. May be too late to fix being a partner but maybe he will be a better dad again for it