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Original poster

Am i wrong for forgiving him?

31 replies

overtherainbow111 · 06/02/2020 15:11

Just before Christmas I found another women's number saved in my partner of 3 years phone. He had saved the number under an alias so I wouldn't notice but after seeing a number of calls on his phone to this number i checked the image on WhatsApp and it was a woman (he had been deleting the messages)

We had been trying for a baby and i had an early miscarriage early December and became fairy depressed and sort of withdrew from the relationship emotionally and didn't want to be intimate. He had met this women on a lads night out a few days before I had discovered this so they hadn't had a chance to meet yet and although he swears he wasn't going to I will never know how far it would have gone.

We broke up I kicked him out and had the worst Christmas ever having just lost a baby and then dealing with a breakup. He begged and pleaded and I decided to give things another try but i have been cheated on before and i know from personal experience once a cheat always a cheat. I feel like i'm making a huge mistake as i can no longer trust him :( We were in the process of buying a house together and he wants to try again for a baby but now i'm not sure what to do and if me taking him back will be the biggest mistake of my life?

Any advice?

OP posts:
mamato3lads · 06/02/2020 17:04

Bloody hell. I'd put the brakes on right now.

You caught him this time. There were probably other times....he has been deliberately sneaky and definitely wanted something to do with this woman otherwise why swap numbers ?? And save under an alias. That's a whole pile of deceit right there. He more than likely would have gone further if not caught. But who cares? What he has done shows intent to cheat and that would he enough for me!! Unbelievable.

Don't believe his bullshit. You've seen it with your own two eyes.

My advice would be to leave, as soon as you can. There are some lovely men out there....go and find yourself one. This man will bring you nothing but pain...dont waste years coming to that realisation. X

Dozer · 06/02/2020 17:06

Don’t ttc or buy a house. He didn’t just cheat - bad enough - he did it in the circumstances he did.

He is not to be relied upon.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/02/2020 17:06

You already know what you need to do.

magoria · 06/02/2020 17:12

Stop the house purchase and be watertight on your contraception until you are sure! It would be insane to get yourself tied to him right now.

TwilightPeace · 06/02/2020 17:15

He’s telling you he wants to try again for a baby because he knows it’s what you want to hear. Don’t let him trap you.
You can’t trust this man.

PickAChew · 06/02/2020 17:15

Do not do anything that ties yourself to this man. If you have any hope that your relationship is salvageable, then you need to work on that before sleepwalking into having a child or buying a house with him.

Personally, I wouldn't take him back.

rhowton · 06/02/2020 17:18

If you are not married, don't own a house together and don't have kids, RUN!

Sarcelle · 06/02/2020 17:20

He tried to cheat on you when you were at your most vulnerable, and in a very premeditated way. He is a cold hearted and selfish man and you really should have a rethink in whether this is the man you want to father a child with. Or a man you want any sort of relationship with. You had every right to be depressed after your tragic upset. That is no excuse for him to try and hook up with another woman. He has shown you what he is capable of. Use that information wisely.

Whynosnowyet · 06/02/2020 17:25

Raise your bar and get rid op.

HollowTalk · 06/02/2020 17:30

At your lowest point, all he could think of was chasing another woman. You've seen what he's like now, OP. Of course he's crying now that he's been found out - that's what always happens. Don't fall for it. You deserve someone much nicer than him.

MsDogLady · 06/02/2020 19:29

You were understandably depressed after miscarrying. Instead of being loving and supportive, he chose to pursue another woman and make a fool of you.

He is a cheat and a deceiver. You absolutely cannot trust him..

Nothavingfunrightnow · 07/02/2020 07:41

No, don't. Don't. Don't. Don't.
Do not take him back. Flowers

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 07/02/2020 07:50

Oh darling don’t go there

He was planning to cheat at just about the time you were most vulnerable and in need of his love and trust.

You have a whole life ahead of you- don’t make it one of anxiety and fear.

ShatnersWig · 07/02/2020 07:52

i have been cheated on before and i know from personal experience once a cheat always a cheat.

Then you know the score.

if me taking him back will be the biggest mistake of my life?

Um, yeah.

The fact you're having to ask total strangers about this clearly indicates you're not sure about getting back together so don't bloody do it.

category12 · 07/02/2020 07:53

You have the ideal opportunity to call a halt now. He only wants to ttc to try to lock you down. Stop the house buy, end the relationship. Life is too short to spend it with someone you can't trust.

Buggedandconfused · 07/02/2020 07:56

As hard as it is to accept, this man will never have your back. He’s weak and acted appallingly when you needed him the most. It won’t get better.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 07/02/2020 07:57

At the time he knew you were pregnant, and chose to pursue another woman anyway? Even if you could normally forgive him, I think that's a step too far. You were carrying his baby and he still intended to cheat on you.

Don't buy a house. Don't have a baby with him.

inmyshedsmoking2000 · 07/02/2020 08:10

Don't buy a house. Halt that right now.
Tell him it's over.
Live your life and someone who respects you will be along before you know it.

Dozer · 07/02/2020 11:56

Who would be paying for the house and (since you’re not married) what would the legal agreement be?

If you had a DC together were you planning to continue to work full time (since you’re not married)?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/02/2020 12:28

You've already done the hardest bit.

DO NOT waste your time 'forgiving him'. You'll never trust him again anyway. And with good reason.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/02/2020 13:50

but now i'm not sure what to do and if me taking him back will be the biggest mistake of my life?
You DO know OP.
Just read back your post.
What would you advise a friend?
You'd tell them to run.
You have no ties to this man.
He's proved he is very very willing to cheat.
He's proved he is prepared to do it when you are going through a traumatic time.
He is NOT worthy of you OP.
No ties, no kids, this is a complete no-brainer!!
And YOU know it!

Lisette1940 · 07/02/2020 14:03

Go my love. You deserve so much better.

Original poster
overtherainbow111 · 07/02/2020 15:36

Thank you for all the replies :) It means a lot.

I know i shouldn't have gone back i can feel that in my heart i feel so stupid. I feel like I've let him get away with this easy and now he's moved back in and i don't trust him at all.

I thought he was different, initially he wasn't even my type but i gave him a chance as i thought he was a good person compared to the idiots i have dated before but turns out he's just the same.

I have to end this i know that just not sure how now I've let him come back i regret it so much.

OP posts:
75Renarde · 07/02/2020 15:40

Yes you do OP and you've been granted a GOLDEN opportunity. Take it. As hard as it may be right now.
A house and child will tie you to him in ways you cant even possibly imagine right now.

Wishing you the very best of luck OP.

I'm sorry to read of your miscarriage Flowers

poopbear · 07/02/2020 15:54

You do know how to end it. You message him and say “it’s not working. I tried but all trust has gone. I can’t get it back. This relationship is over. Please find somewhere else to live” job done. He gave up any rights to more discussion than that when he stuck his bits inside another woman