Want partner to move in, but he refused to do a joint claim for UC

[Mummaof2roses]

So I've been a single mum for 4 years..

My partner now wants to move in (living with parents so not paying rent or bills atm)

I am currently on UC and only recieve basic for my age and my 2 kids so I said to him he can move in but I have to update my claim to joint, which is no issue for me, he earns too much money so I wont be entitled to anything from UC anyway so I read after 6 months if your wage means your not entitled your claim will be closed. All fine.

BUT he refuses to put his details forward for a joint claim he said whether we get money or not he doesn't want his details to be on the system. He said hes never claimed and never will. So he wants me to just cancel UC but I dont know how or if you can even do that?

Will they let me cancel if I say my partner wants to move in but doesnt want to be on UC?

HELP!

He lives with his mum and pays no rent and wants to move in with you and your parents and pay them no rent. He’s not exactly covering himself in glory here!

How old is he and how much does he earn?

I’d have a talk about future finances now, before he moves in. You’re planning on saving to move into a place together. How will that work? How will the bills be split including food bills? I’d want concrete terms and % not just ‘ he wants to provide for me and the kids so will help me wherever I need.’ You don’t want to be in a position where you’re having to ask for money to cover the weekly food shop or justify why your DC needs new school shoes. I’d also ask about expectations around cooking, cleaning and looking after your DC.

You might not get much under Universal Credit and you think you’ll lose it anyway if you live together but his reaction to it seems rather odd. I’d want to understand why he’s so opposed to his details being on the system and make sure that there isn’t anything dodgy going on there. Could he owe child maintenance?

I would slow this all waaay down.

I’m not sure how UC works, but When I was out of work under the old system, my NI contributions were paid.

If you give up UC and have no/little income , I presume will you be losing out on your state pension in years to come,

I completely get where he is coming from. I would never want my details to be in 'the system' and to be possibly classified as someone who has claimed benefits or been associated with that in any way.

If he is happy and able to financially support you then I see no reason why he should be forced to make a joint claim.

You've been with him a year but he works away during the week - presumably this means you only see him at weekends.

Let's assume you've seen him every weekend for a full year. He lives with his parents at the weekend - again, presumably this means he doesn't stay with you for all Friday and Saturday nights.

Allowing for travel to and from his work location on Fridays and Sundays, then at best you see him for 1.5 days over the weekend. Multiply that by 52 and you've spent 37.5 days together since you met not including periods of his annual leave.

Working on the basis that you didn't introduce him to your kids for the first couple of months, this means that you've not spent an awful lot of time together as a couple, let alone a blended family.

Take a good hard look at these numbers; you're proposing to move in a man that - at best - you've spent about 10 weeks with in terms of face to face time together. You are planning to make yourself and your kids financially dependent on him, and do not seem bothered by the fact that he has a bonkers interpretation of his data being 'in the system'. I can only hope you've pointed out to him that tax and NI contributions mean that HMRC already have his details.

You say that your family are supportive and willing to help whenever is needed. That's great, but it reads as if you are relying on them to be your financial safety net if your relationship with this man goes south.

Harsh as it may be, it sounds as if you need to grow up and stop relying on your family to bail you out, think about your kids and the impact to them if this all goes wrong.

If you truly want to be together it would be far more sensible for him to rent a room in a flatshare for the next 12 months, and get used to spending time together as a blended family before moving in together.

I do understand why he doesn't want his details on a system he has never used. I wouldn't want that either. So that bit I don't think is too odd.

But I find him wanting to move in with your parents a bit unusual. Sure couples move in with parents to save, normally for a deposit. But that is generally after they have already lived together and want to take the next step. As I understand it, you two have never lived together. Can you not just rent somewhere together first. He says he is totally happy to pay for you and the kids, yet seems to be quite the master freeloader. I'm just finding it all a bit strange.

Thank you everyone for your comments. I really do appreciate it, I can completely understand where you are all coming from as I haven't given too much background ect but I want to move in and be a family with this person, we have sat and meticulously planned out every bill and outgoing, and how much we can save and a estimated month we will be able to move out, although yes he has been living in Leicester I have know him since I was a teenager (as have my parents) so there is no secret past or anything like that so whether I change to a joint claim or cancel UC the outcome of the money will be the same. (And I would never not change/cancel and move him in its fraud and I want to better my life not end up in trouble)

The advice needed was more on how to cancel UC so we can start a life together.

As far as the reasons he doesnt want his details on the system seeming dodgy I assure you it's nothing to do with trying to hide anything. He is a straight shooter and like a PP said she/he wouldn't want their details on the system, friends I've spoke to that have never claimed benefits have said the same, why have your details on there if you dont need it. People have different views/feelings about benefits. Me personally I'm grateful it was a life line when I needed it, and like I said since moving home it's reduced substantially. For him he has never needed it and is under the impression it you dont need it you cancel it. It's as simple as that.

Again thank you for all your comments, I'm still unsure on how to cancel UC/know the best way of going about it, I think it's best if I speak to citizens advice about it as ultimately I am trying to do the right thing and move on with my life.

Personally I wouldn’t plan to do what you are doing, but it’s your life. Do your kids like him? Are they happy at the thought of moving on with him? What is his stance on parenting and discipline? Is it the same as yours? Is he fully aware of the costs and time commitment when you have kids? Have you been in holiday with him and the kids and was that successful?

Universal Credit have a telephone number you can ring with enquiries and that’s probably your best option.

Also he has been living and paying rent in Leicester for 2 years, he could move home with his parents but they would expect rent and bill contributions which would mean saving to move out together would be delayed. My parents are happy for us to live here and save as much as we can so we can move out.

I'd say his attitude is a concern. Firstly towards you. You reasonably expect that he'll co-operate with financial matters and he's refusing. If he's not respecting your wishes on this matter, when else might he try and ride roughshod over what you want?

Secondly a degree of paranoia towards the government. "He doesn't want his details to be on the system". So either he's deliberately doing tax evasion or some other fraud and doesn't want to get caught, or he's doing nothing wrong but is just really paranoid thinking "they" are out to get him. Either way it's not good.

And remember the arrangement that he wants is liable to leave you with no independent income. If you wanted to start working yourself, Universal Credit could provide funding for childcare costs - but not if your partner refuses to cooperate and instead demands you don't work!

“he said that hes wants to provide for me and the kids so will help me wherever I need.” No no no no no no!

Words are cheap! Actions are what matter!

Are you getting married? Can you afford to support you and dc alone if he becomes incapacitated, dies or leaves you?

“Tbh move him in dont do owt with uc as its basically a lodger??” DO NOT do this! It’s illegal, benefit fraud.

It’s also way too soon on an emotional level to be moving him in with your dc!

You barely know him if you’ve only been together just over a year and only been seeing each other weekends?!

Has he EVER lived away from home? Does he even know how much it costs to run a household with dc?

Rent
Council tax
Gas/electric
Tv licence
Broadband & phone
Food, cleaning products and toiletries
Medical supplies
Household furniture and furnishsinf and maintenance costs

Then all the dc’s costs too? It really doesn’t sound like either of you has the foggiest!

“but I want to move in and be a family with this person” you sound like a teenager (are you?) what about you and more importantly your dc’s needs? Not just financially/practically but mentally, emotionally.

Doing things his way leaves you and your dc incredibly vulnerable in almost every way with you expecting your parents to pick up the pieces if it all goes pear shaped - which it very likely will! Can they afford to do that? Is that what happened when your relationship with their father/s ended?

Quite honestly it sounds like you and he still both have a hell of a lot of growing up to do.

@safariboot 'a degree of paranoia towards the government'.

No, I doubt that. More likely as someone who has never claimed benefits he does not want to be put onto a joint claim, therefore potentially making it look like he has claimed benefits on 'the system'. Regardless of if he receives money, his details would be on a benefits claim.
I completely understand why he wouldn't want this, as I feel the same.

OP - from what you have said it seems that he is head over heels for you and I wish you and your family the best of luck

You can just call and state you want your claim closed on the day he moves in. Worth doing it on the first day of an assessment period if you can as they will close it from the first day of which ever assessment period your in. Tbf I don't blame him as he will need to go through having his id etc checked just for the claim to close if your not entitled. It doesn't remain open for 6 months

I wouldn't live with a man who was happy to freeload of my parents.

*off

My DH was made redundant a number of years ago and was entitled to claim JSA, however, because we're married I would have had to put all my financial details on his application. I refused. Not because I'm dodgy but because I didn't see why I should. Our money was completely separate. I was working and not needing to claim and thought the form was very intrusive.

That aside, you do seem to be rushing into this OP. You keep saying 'we' could save up, but you won't have any money coming in and will be solely reliant on him. If that's a risk you're prepared to take, fair enough, but you have DC to consider

I would exercise caution.
If at some point in the future you split up with DC's by him and have to claim maintenance, is he going to avoid "being in the system" to avoid paying?

Are either of you planning to contribute any keep your your parents? If he’s only there at weekends and you’re living with parents do you really need to say anything?

I wouldn't live with a man who was happy to freeload of my parents.

Like the OP is?

@TheDeep yep, I think that's crap too but at least they're her own parents

Seriously Batshittery? Wow.

If he works and pays PAYE his details are in the government system already. Or is he working cash in hand under the radar?
They already know his details and earnings. Being listed on joint claim winter change that

If he works and pays PAYE his details are in the government system already. Or is he working cash in hand under the radar?
They already know his details and earnings. Being listed on joint claim winter change that

Why are people saying he lives with his parents? He has his own place and lives with his parents only when he is in the area for work. Why is it dodgy he might live with his parents anyway? OP does and nothing is said about that