Hi all, so the subject gives it away and I’ll try not to ramble on too much but i am really struggling to process and cope with this, I have no one to talk to and just need advice. So I’ve been with my partner (let’s say ‘bob’) for 4 years. I have a son 8 from previous relationship, a 2 year old son (mine & bobs) and also currently pregnant (mine and bobs). I was completely head over heals with Bob, I knew him from when we was young and he’d always been the perfect man from the beginning of our relationship, he turned out to be an amazing role model from my son who’s bio dad is a complete dead beat, my son adores bob. We had 1000% trust, I gave him everything I had in me, and I felt he did too! We never row, only sometimes have minor disagreements but never had a screaming match. So I came across a message from a guy on bobs phone which was talking about a reverse booking that bob made on adult work and basically this guy watches (don’t know if he joins) his wife have sex/ give oral sex to people, the messages were so detailed and This couple came from a good 2 hour drive from where we live and bob at the end said he will meet them in a few weeks. After I read that I felt destroyed, but felt this wasn’t Bob, I broke down. I told him what I saw and he denied it all and said it was probably someone at work messing about, yet he didn’t confront anyone for doing this I BELIEVED THE BULLSHIT HE TOLD ME. So 5 months later in September just gone I was on our iPad which is linked to his iCloud account he has on his phone, i logged into a clothes site and it gave me a list of all his saved usernames and passwords and for what websites they’re for... I saw adult work 😰 I logged in and there were pages and pages on him making request bookings (I have learned that this is him basically making an advert for his requirements and others messaging him if they can meet his needs) there were so many, also messages of him asking a local escort saying ‘are you around now to come to my house for a blowie’ OUR FUCKING FAMILY HOME 😩 whilst I was out with family which he said he didn’t feel up to attending (didn’t bother me that he wanted to chill after a day at work, I get that). I can’t remember what she replied and then he said ‘you met me before and sucked me off in the back of my *) he stated the make out car which we recently brought, he never owned one before. Anyway I confronted him, he denied it all and said he never met these women, Cried his eyes out to me begging for a second chance, and how much we mean to him bla bla bla. he is only 26 and the women he stated gave him a blowie before is 52?! I wouldn’t dream of ever disrespecting him in the slightest, I just feel so let down, humiliated and used. We had a sex life, all throughout pregnancy I made the effort to be intimate almost every night. I just don’t understand, anyways his excuse was that he feels lonely at times and he just used to message people for a reply, I know it’s bullshit! He lied to me once about where he was before we lived together (I sound crazy but he set himself up on my phone so I knew where he was but I think he done it wrong and tried to do it so he could see where I was) anyways that was a while ago and at the time he told me he was at home but he wasn’t, so I told him my sister see him and then he said he was picking his mate up. why would you lie about that? I don’t know but After finding this all out with the messaging escorts we were distracted with moving again as our landlord put the property up for sale so I kind of felt I got over it, and now I’m pregnant again I’m so emotional and I can’t stop thinking about it, I think it’s now sunk it how bad this is, I cry to him every night and I’ve noticed I’m trying too hard to be more naughty with our sex life, it’s so embarrassing but he stated to escorts ‘can I see you at 2pm for external prostate’ I had no idea what this even was before and now I’m doing it because I just want to fulfill his needs and him not go elsewhere, I can’t bare the thought he’s touched and been intimate with other women, I said to him last week ‘you won’t admit what you’ve done because your ashamed’ and now he doesn’t deny it, I gave him everything I had in me, we have a family, a home, I work from home and provide too, I cook, I always make sure the house is tidy when he comes home, I just am so heartbroken, I can’t tell any of my friends because instantly they will hate him, I feel that if this happened sooner I would of left but I now have 2 kids to think about and and another one on the way. He reminds me he’ll never do it again but I don’t think I can believe him, surely after I confronted him about the message from the guy then he would of stopped knowing how much it hurt me to read! My whole world seems to have crushed, I thought we had such a strong relationship, my friends still now tell me how much they envy me for me and see how ‘happy’ I am, I feel like a fraud because they don’t know the half of it, I just need help, I don’t know what I should do ....
Many thanks X