Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I want to go home

59 replies

Lostinthewild · 05/02/2020 20:31

We were together 10 years... we have children together. Had t been the perfect relationship. A few bumps in the road. I’d always been 100% loyal and devoted to him and the kids. He wasn’t always.
Last year, after the worst time of my life(death of my wonderful dad, our son being very poorly in life support) I had a breakdown. I stopped recognising myself. I was depressed, riddled with grief and anxiety. I was miserable and desperately didn’t want to be. My OH wasn’t very supportive. Would just leave me in my own for hours in the bedroom while I sat and cried. I needed him. I needed him to just be there. I never felt as lonely as I was when I was sat in the same room as him.
I kissed someone. I hardly remember it. I barely remember anything of those few months beforehand. As soon as it happened I told him. He was devastated. I honestly thought he wouldn’t give a toss, given how distant he’d been from me.
I moved out. I had to. I wish I hadnt though. We’re all miserable. Me, him and our children. When they’re with me all they say is they want to go to daddy’s(that’s where we all lived).
I’ve said to him I want him back, but he’s ‘not there yet’. It’s been 9 months.
How can I fix this?? I so desperately want my family back together.
I’m on antidepressants now and feeling much better about myself.
He doesn’t realise that he was a big factor in my breakdown and that I really wasn’t thinking straight when I did what i did. It was awful of me and I wish I could take it back.
He was no saint a few times in our relationship. No cheating, but the intent was there on the odd occasion

OP posts:
Cyberve · 07/02/2020 06:04

Wow. You sounded upset by it all until this:

he’s still pretty cut up over what happened and has said many times that he doesn’t think he’ll ever get over it. Bit dramatic, but hey!

But dramatic? You kissed another man. You didn't go to your partner when you were struggling, you went to another man. Plus how does he know it was only a kiss? You betrayed him once, you could have easily slept with him. You're a liar to him now. If a woman came on here and said her partner did what you did, everyone would say leave him.

Jesus christ you really couldn't care less could you? It was just a kiss. Hmm Well he doesn't want you now, get over it and find someone who doesn't know how easily you'll wander off.

MarieG10 · 07/02/2020 06:12

Let him go. He has already let you go but you don't realise it and he is trying to let you down gently. Nine months and he is realising he prefers life as it is now.

Shev1996 · 07/02/2020 06:18

Op glad you are receiving support for your issues. However you can’t expect someone else to take your issues as their own. Regardless what else has happened you were unfaithful. I wouldn’t be able to forgive that regardless of your history, and if you were male you wouldn’t be receiving any sympathy here. Frankly you messed up. Now let him go and find someone who won’t hurt him like this, he’s better off without you

madroid · 07/02/2020 06:31

I think a lot of posters are minimising the impact of his acute emotional neglect of OP. His disengagement just at the time OP was at her lowest was cruel and inhumane.

What sort of person leaves someone in the first pain of new bereavement to cry alone?

Even complete strangers often empathize and are very kind in those circumstances.

He's not a good dad at all. His indifference and cruelty are a terrible example to His children. If he were a normally compassionate person he would have offered some kindness and support to you.

Such emotional starvation will inevitably leave you vulnerable to the first person who shows you some interest and kindness. And it was just a kiss FFS!

That's just an excuse for what he has already done some time ago by the sound of it - that is checked out of the relationship. Which he didn't and still doesn't want to admit he's done because that makes him a bad guy and bad dad.

You have had a very hard time OP and are still grieving. You have also been badly let down by the one person you thought you could rely on. That must have been shocking and will have redoubled the trauma of your grief.

You crave returning back to a time you felt safe and at home, but I think that time was a mirage because when that safety and security was put to the test it failed.

Now you need time to recover and gain your strength back. Your DC will be a great source of comfort and strength. Focus on those that are there for you.

Build your own sense of safety and home for yourself and your children. It's within your control and capacity to do this for yourself. You don't need to rely on him again and expose yourself to his inadequate emotional response.

Kirkman · 07/02/2020 06:37

I think a lot of posters are minimising the impact of his acute emotional neglect of OP. His disengagement just at the time OP was at her lowest was cruel and inhumane.

No not minimising it. Just acknowledging that from his perspective it may be very different.

OP has minimised her own behaviour several times. And shown she doesnt really think that he should be bothered by it. It not beyong the realms of possibility that, actually, he did try and it wasnt helping and he got to the point he didnt know what else to do.

Theres kids involved here. Maybe he felt he couldn't help her and concentrated on the kids. Maybe his disengaged because nothing was helping. Maybe he did try, but it just wasn't enough for the OP. He isnt a trained professional.

When people have cheated it's very common to shift blame and minimise their own part in it and blame their partner.

Cyberve · 07/02/2020 07:20

How many times on here have we heard from a woman that her partner kissed someone else, and everyone on here jumps straight to 'he definitely shagged her as well'?

How many times have we seen women come on, saying their husband is depressed and due to this, cheated on her and is blaming the depression?

There's nothing new about what op has said except the gender. But it's OK for a woman to do it apparently. Hmm

Cyberve · 07/02/2020 07:23

Plus I can't really believe that he didn't care as much as op says he didn't. If he didn't care about her, he wouldn't be devastated that she cheated. Angry yeah and upset, but not still grieving over it 9 months later.

My partner got cheated on by his ex, and their relationship was coming to an end. He was upset about it, and broke up with her, but he got over it quickly because he would have broken up with her anyway. She just stuck the final nail in the coffin herself. As the op did.

Lostinthewild · 07/02/2020 21:25

He massively contributed to my depression. He let me down in a big way when I needed him the most. I’d just lost my dad, he went on a boys holiday, came home and I discovered he’d set up a separate twitter account to message a woman he met there ‘for a second date’. He insists there was nothing untoward, but I’m not convinced.
I was only in escape mode for the last 3 weeks before we split. Before that, I was the model fiancé, looking after everyone and everything.
I broke. I snapped under the pressure of everything and the lack of support and compassion from him.
Once I told him about the kids, he changed. Instantly. He suddenly became more attentive, spending more time with the children, he’d never been to a parents evening or school event before this

OP posts:
Lostinthewild · 07/02/2020 21:29

He took me for granted. Once he realised everything I did for him and our children, he changed. It was instant

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page