Do you like/get on with partners family?

[liveinhope100]

Does anyone dislike like their partners family?

If so, how do you tolerate them?!

Obviously struggling at the moment and just wanted to see if anyone else has this issue

I don't dislike them, but we are married. I married into his family as he married into mine. All the families get on well, and any differences are just that, differences.

I dislike DP's mum and it's clear and known to everyone. I'm civil when I see her at Christmas, birthdays etc but won't go out of my way to talk to her. You just have to be civil really, unless you see them very often then I'd maybe ask for a chat and try to fix your differences to make it more tolerable 🤷🏻‍♀️

I dont like his mums side of the family much. I dont hate them but I find them really really dull yet critical. I hate staying there. Its got worse over the years

I dont mind his dads side. They seem more open minded.

@eandz13 you're right, thanks. Atleast you are both civil, my DP's mum won't even be in the same room as me! I'm not bothered by that anymore but DP's sibling is the one that gets to me. Anyway you are right, just need to be as civil as possible - luckily I don't see them much.

I didn't find my ex partners family likeable but I only met them much heavily into my relationship. In hindsight, they destroyed him and our relationship. Next time I date, I will definitely be looking at how well the families blend.

I love mine. Marrying into my late husband's family was a huge bonus to my life.

I'm sorry that you have problems with yours. But I just wanted to post because otherwise this will just be yet another inlaw hating thread.

I get on with my SiL in small doses.

I tolerate BiL as he is DH's best friend.

I like his dad but we are not close at all, but he was always pleasant, kind and generous to me.

All was going well until I got pregnant.. Engaged to be married she told me his ex had wanted his babies!!
Never acknowledged ds tbh. After she rang the hire shop to change the order for dh's outfit we uninvited her from the wedding. She told her friends a version of the truth - her version not The Actual Truth.
We moved and haven't seen her in over 5 years.

I do, even though on paper I shouldn’t and I don’t think they were expecting me to. And if I described them in terms of the traits why I shouldn’t, most people would think they’d dislike them, too. But they are who they are - products of their own environments, experiences and upbringings. They love each other, would do anything for anyone in need, are blunt and straight-talking Snd haven’t an ounce of duplicity in them. And they love me for making DP happy. I don’t see them very often as they live in the US but if I had to have in-laws I’m very glad they’re mine.

In terms of getting on with those you don’t - are we talking outright unkind and awful to you and making it clear they dislike you; or just people whose values you don’t agree with / or who you don’t have much in common with?

If the former - you have a partner problem. He needs to defend you in front of them and make it clear he won’t put up with them treating you that way, and that he will distance from them if they persist. If the latter, then I think you just adopt the view that you don’t need to live in an echo chamber and make the best of it. Try to join in with things, don’t be critical of them. After all, they managed to raise somebody you live and who must be an alright person.

I can’t stand my boyfriends mum she is horrid and I’m having to learn how to be less vocal about this to my partner as it’s difficult for him so I’ve learnt to see her only when necessary and keep my gob shut! My partner is REALLY close to his siblings (7 of them) and I find it too much at times. But I don’t mind them they’re all nice. The only advice I can give is don’t put your partner in a difficult position by vocalising too much to him. Just accept these people and have a good bloody vent to your friends!

Well, for me it was something that had to be worked at. Now I really do love them as second parents.

There’s only Mil
She lives in a different country so only see her once a year
I love her, she’s family. She lost her only son, devastating.
She’s not a particularly nice person though, she’s very judgemental and opinionated and says unkind things sometimes. Fallen out with everyone in her life. I have to grit my teeth a lot.
But she loves ds and he loves her

Actually that being said I agree with the pp. my partner never defends me when his mum is making shady digs and that has caused some real issues. If she is like that about you I would tell your partner you understand he loves his mum but you would like him to have your back at times because that can lead to deeper issues.

I love my mil but struggle with my sil for various reasons; I never say I won’t see her but I don’t arrange things with unless it’s a party and as DH isn’t very organised we don’t see much of her. At one point there seemed to be the expectation that I’d meet up with her with our DC and I was clear with DH that I didn’t see why I should unless he was there as no one expects him to meet up with my sister

I find my family very hard work and I'm not impressed with how they treat DP and his kids. My mum just seems to think they're irrelevant. It annoys DP a great deal. So I keep her at arm's length (there are, as you'd imagine, several reasons for this).

DP's family are ok. His dad and stepmum are much easier than his mum. I don't really have much to do with his mum (or her family) for logistical reasons, and I don't think she likes me much. But it's hard to tell quite how personal that is as she's a bit misanthropic generally. Generally I deal with it by letting DP deal with his mum and not imposing myself on her. I know she thinks I talk too much, so on the odd occasion I do see her, I try to be polite but quietly fade into the background.

My PiL are very kind and very generous, and they like to meet up regularly. However, they tend to get stressed about every little thing, and will badger us about things that we 'must' do or things we haven't done (these things are often very minor and have nothing to do with them, but they like to get worked up about everything) .
This has got to the point where I end up feeling stressed when I'm around them - so sadly, I end up avoiding them when possible.

On the other hand, my DH shouted at my parents two days before we got married five years ago.

(Quite rightly so, I might add)

... there's been little communication since...

I used to really like them, got on well for about 5 years but something changed when we got married, I’ve wrote about my MIL before how she took my nieces bridesmaids dress back and chose different one, said she would pay for stationary she picked expensive stuff I couldn’t afford then expected my Mum and Dad to pay. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know what I’ve done but it’s got worse since children have arrived, I don’t visit often and when I do I’m polite but not over friendly.

I only have a SIL, the rest are all deceased sadly but god she is the biggest living PITA imaginable. I'm always pleasant, but can only tolerate her in really small doses.

She's smoked weed most of her life and it's frazzled her brain. She's paranoid, chaotic and when FIL passed away, she made everything so utterly difficult. She had his ashes in her kitchen for nearly a year as she wanted time to arrange the committal. FIL was such a "proper" old fashioned gentleman that he'd have been devastated by it. In the end, I got so upset that I rang the vicar and arranged it...... she of course lost the plot and said we were hurrying her. What you need to think about when it comes to digging a small hole in a fucking graveyard is beyond me. Whole thing took around 3 minutes when it eventually happened.

I barely like my own. I am low contact with my parents and all bar one sibling, dps mum died before we met and he doesn't like his step mum. I really like his siblings and their partners and he gets on with my nice sibling and their partner. We both like each others grown up dcs even though we don't see two of them much.

I dislike my PIL but like all siblings and other inlaws. I just tolerate them for my DH.

Thanks for all of your comments. Interesting to a range of situations and sorry to those that also find it hard.

@restingbitchface30 (love the username btw) and i hear what you are saying. I haven't been vocal to DP as i don't want to create problems or put him in a difficult situation. I just have to learn to tolerate them and keep my mouth shut!

@ComtesseDeSpair so the MIL and BIL didn't accept me from the very first moment due to my skin colour. DP stood by me and our relationship and still has a good relationship with her so surprisingly it hasn't affected us much over the years. I don't think they bad mouth me to him but who knows - definitely did at the beginning. The other siblings have accepted me but unfortunately I find one of them hard to deal with (arrogant, insensitive and a 'know it all'). I don't need anymore family members against me so I have to force myself to bite my tongue and keep quiet in certain situations going forward!

My mother in law is lovely. But we just don't gel together. She's a people pleaser and never says what she really means. I got on much better with her own mother, a straight talker like myself. My mother in law never really get on with her mum. I know she's abit jealous that I always prefered her.

My own family are toxic I this as made me defensive. My main problem with my mother in law is she is nice to everyone. She's warm and welcoming. I know she doesn't like her other daugher in law but if you see them together you would think they were best friends. The other daughter in law is oblivious. It makes me mistrust the way she is with me.

My husband wants me to help her out more now she's getting old. He works alot. But instead of telling me what needs doing. Being a people pleaser she wont say because she doesn't want to bother me. For example last year she did ask me if I would help her sort her garage. Not right away because she waa still sorting out bedrooms. She actually said we will do it in the winter. I said sure let me know when you are ready to start tackling it. A few weeks later my husband then got very annoyed because her friend was now helping her with the garage. Because I hadn't got round to doing it. I was supposed to understand that it needed doing now. This sort of thing happens alot. She says one thing but means another. I don't feel I can just pop round and get on with jobs that she's telling me she doesn't want to be tackled just yet. But she's actually politely saying she wants that job done now. Ffs be direct and say what you mean. I just don't understand her at all but in fairness she doesn't understand me either.

I get on okay with MIL. Really have not much to do with the rest of them but neither does DP.