My parents want to contact my sister's psychiatrist (coercive control) - I don't think they're allowed to - thoughts?

[HepburnKNotA]

V briefly, DSis married to man who shows all the hallmarks of coercively controlling her.

He has now arranged (found, booked etc) a psychiatrist for her as he says she is mentally unwell. (they are v wealthy/high status so he has just booked the 'best' and most expensive meantal health professional they can think of; it's entirely possible that a psychiatrist is inappropriate and a therapist/counsellor would be better but hey-ho)

There have been a couple of initial sessions but DSis seems more controlled than ever - she's just taken a big 'decision' to do something that her H wanted her to do that my parents are worried will isolate her more.

I think it's too early for psychaitrist to have begun to get to the bottom of a lot of the issues (eg the coercive control) - DSis is ostensibly seeing shrink because she's unhappy 'at work'.

My parents (understanably extremely worried but with a tendency towards over-involvement, albeit with best (sometimes misplaced) intentions...) are saying they want to contact psychiatrist to give him some info that they are certain DSis won't be revealing (about the way she is bullied/controlled)

I have told them I think psychiatrist will just disregard any email from them (am I right?) as unethical, even though they are not interested in correspondance ie they would never presume to ask psychiatrist for info (and I would hope to God reputable dr wouldn't give it to them).

Or might a shrink read something like this and then either disregard it or put it to use in sessions?

I've told my mum I think she needs to tell Dsis they WANT to write to psychiatrist (she will, I am certain, say no) as if they went behind her back she would feel, if she found out, incredibly betrayed.

I can see how desperate my parents are, there are children involved and the situation is toxic beyond belief, DSis's husband is now telling everyone DSis isn't well etc and I think anyone on the outside can see, without having to take sides, that the essential problem is her husband's treatment of her (and kids too).

But contacting psychiatrist behind her back is a bad plan, right? Has anyone ever done this? Would psychiatrist a) take note of the info b) ignore the info? If DSis was in agreement, would it make a difference? (she won't be, I can almost put my mortgage on it).

Please help if you can! Desperate situation all round, tbh :(

Thanks again. RoyalMail, I promise it’s just a haphazard turn of phrase to say I won’t ‘let’ my parents do it... trust me, if you knew my mother you’d recognise she’s not a person you ‘let’ do things one way or the other!!

I feel helpless, though, which is possibly why it sounds like I would like a bit of control. Not that I want to control my sister or my parents. But that I would like to feel the situation is UNDER some control. It isn’t and it feels like nobody can make that happen, which is very unsettling. It feels like all the control is in the hands of my BIL and frankly I don’t think it’s a good place to be. It feels like he is calling all the shots; he gets to say that my sister is ‘ill; he gets to tell her what to eat; he gets to tell her she should leave her job; he gets to tell her she’s stressed with work and not by being bullied/manipulated at home.

This has been such a helpful thread, thank you again to everyone who has posted.

DM misleads her doctors about her health and mental status. We've spoken to both GP and specialists and alerted them to certain things. They couldn't say anything about her case, but they did listen and, we found out from subsequent events, they did act on information received.

Fair enough OP. I have a mum like that too. It’s hard to really get someone’s meaning from posts on here. People are so quick to pounce on some perceived issue but like you said it’s often just a turn of phrase or trying to explain something without writing an entire book.

I agree with what others have posted - the psychiatrist may read communications to her/him, but will certainly not break client confidentiality and divulge anything of their meetings to anyone else (unless there are extremely serious issues, and then disclosure would be to police / responsible authorities)

Can you independently check this psychiatrist, OP? Just to check they are bona fide if you have reservations about that? I would hope that, if they are worth their salt, they would tease out relevant issues.

Her husband isn't attending with her is he? If not she will hopefully be encouraged to speak more freely. It's certainly not for anyone online to say but there could be lots of things going on - if husband was extremely controlling would he be prepared for her to go on her own to see a psychiatrist? Would he not be concerned that damaging revelations would be made? (unless he is very cocksure of himself) Thinking about his telling her what to eat, have there been eating disorders or anything which he thinks he is 'trying to help' manage, but doing it badly?

Obviously I have no idea at all, just throwing out other ideas. I hope your sister gets the support she needs and is in a much better place soon.