My husband is leaving tonight

[HeIsLeaving]

My husband and I argue a lot. Today we had an explosive row in-front of our DC. We both agree it's not working, he needs to move out and I assume that means we are separating.

I feel so drained and exhausted. Please hand hold.

You both sound physically and mentally exhausted. You need some respite. You are both completely stressed out.

Everyone gets under pressure and stressed. Yeah lack of sleep etc.

But you are equally stressed and lack of sleep and you don't shout at him or call him a retard etc.

None of those things are OK

Sounds like he is a dickhead tbh

Hope you get some headspace and calm when he is gone and you don't have to deal with being shouted at/called names / made to feel like shit

You are doing a great job and never need to feel like shit

not a lot of teamwork here by the sound of it - perhaps he would like to stay home and see why the house isn't tidy?

no level of exhaustion excuses screaming at you. Time out for him to take a long hard look in the mirror. He either changes or goes, both will be better for you although I realise it doesn't look that way now.

It sounds like you are both exhausted and fed up, have both been ill and have hit breaking point. He needs counselling for his anger issues and you need counselling together to see if either of you want to save the marriage or if you want to call it a day.

It sounds like you need to communicate more, but he can't treat you like you just because he is in a bad mood. I had no say in the end of my marriage which was very hard, so you owe it to each other to talk about it and decide together for the sake of the DC, what is best for the future.

I think you would both benefit from counselling op. You are both obviously stressed and struggling, but there doesn’t seem to be particularly anything that you should be struggling to cope with so much. You say your partner works full time but still does a lot of cooking and cleaning. You’re only part time and your children are all at school apart from the toddler who is looked after by family full time when you’re at work, and they also do the school runs. You seem to be getting overly stressed with just performing day to day tasks. Do you think it’s your attitude towards each other that’s the problem? No way should your partner be calling your names and snapping at you when the house is inevitably sometimes messy. But from the sounds of things do you think he’s overdoing it if he’s working full time and still doing the bulk at home?

I think you are both in a tough situation and need some support. I think this can be fixed if you are both willing. I don't think being on here with some MNetters trying to character assassinate your DH will be helping.

Ok my first thought on reading your latest post is drop the after school activities. They are under 7. Why are you running yourself more ragged. You said everyday there is something? WTF? No. My 11 year old doesn’t even have something every day. You’re overloading and that needs to stop. Just stop. Stop doing anything apart from the absolute essentials. Doesn’t have to be forever but right now until your life is calmer. Plus after school stuff costs money. Use that money to hire a cleaner 2 hours per week and a babysitter one eve per week. £8 per hour OP for somebody from the preschool, every other Saturday eve so you and your DH get out for childfree movie or dinner

@loopery great post thank you x