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Original poster

I don't know weather my partner still wants a baby

31 replies

potter1234 · 01/02/2020 12:57

Hi everyone . Me and my boyfriend have been together for ten years . I wanted a baby a lot sooner than now but he didn't feel ready so we waited . I was convinced some times that he would never want a baby but was surprised when he randomly said he's ready . We have been trying for about 6 months . He was pretty eager the 1st few months always taking about what it will be like ect . But the last two months we rarely have sex . And he hasn't mentioned about trying any more either . Thing is we are in our 30s so I don't want to wait much longer either . He just doesn't seem excited anymore . I would try every night and He told me that me wanting it all the time is a big turn off to him . So I don't try at all anymore . Him saying that has made me feel a bit paranoid about trying it on and also I kind of got a phobia of it now . When we go to bed I just feel so akward and wait for him to make a move which never happens . I did mention this to him
Last week and he said we don't do it no
More because I never try it on ! I can't win. Also when ever I mention to him if he still wants a baby and it's ok if he has changed his mind he loses his temper . I'm so tempted to tell him that it's pointless and I'm going to go back on the pill . What has made me think twice is also the two times he has had a drink he has mentioned if it doesn't happen in the next few months he doesn't want one . Any words of advice on what you think is going on here. Thankyou

OP posts:
ToastandCheese · 01/02/2020 16:01

I think he’s changed his mind. That or trying has taken the fun away from having sex.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 01/02/2020 16:09

Don’t have a baby with a man who won’t talk honestly to you.

DivGirl · 01/02/2020 16:15

If having kids is important to you then find a different man. Your priorities are very different.

After 10 years and TTC why aren't you married?

Fivetillmidnight · 01/02/2020 16:20

Completely disagree with all the posts so far.. male pschy tells them they are virile and fertile . You have tried for six months and not got pregnant.. I bet he is scared witless he is firing blanks and finds the easiest way out is not to try !

My husband was the exact same.. until 3 years later it finally happened.. Very fragile male ego restored. Take your foot off the conception gas ... and TRY to focus on each other rather than making a baby... if you can get into the mindset of 'if it happens it happens ... you May find him less worried about 'failing'

Fivetillmidnight · 01/02/2020 16:22

It then happened 'easily' 9 months later... and then 7 years later !! Imagine our surprise..

DCOkeford · 01/02/2020 16:54

Don't TTC until you're married.

A) It will protect you in the event of a split
and...
B) It will weed out the flakes - if he won't readily and enthusiastically marry you, forget any idea of having a DC with him.

DonKeyshot · 01/02/2020 19:21

Unless you are independently wealthy and can easily afford to raise a child on your own, take heed of DCOkeford's advice and don't put the cart before the horse, OP.

Fivetillmidnight · 01/02/2020 21:09

Yes. This ^ above all this. It will tell you how committed he truly is .

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 01/02/2020 22:50

I think what's going on here is that hes an arse. He doesn't want sex if you want to do it too much. He doesn't want sex if you don't try to do it enough. He wants a baby but only if it happens quickly, but he didnt want a baby while you waited patiently for him to make up his mind for years. It sounds all about him and what he wants, not what's best for you or both of you as a couple.

Andahelterskelterroundmylittle · 02/02/2020 08:07

After 10 years and TTC why aren't you married?
WTF? 😡😡😡

BigFatLiar · 02/02/2020 08:22

Don't ttc just get on with life and hold of the pressure. It may be worth speaking to your gp about fertility but 6 months doesn't sound very long.
It does sound as if the need for a baby I'd making you swing between sex pest and cold. Try just enjoy being together and a happy sex life, sex shouldn't be a chore to complete.
Get married if you're having a family.

RhymingRabbit3 · 02/02/2020 08:44

It sounds like you have got a bit too intense. You dont need to try every night and being a bit OTT can be a turn off - 6 months is quite a normal length of time for trying to conceive.
However I think you need to have an open and honest conversation with him about whether this is what he actually wants. Do it at a neutral time, like in the late morning, so it doesnt seem so intense as talking about it at night and you will both be wide awake and sober.

Original poster
potter1234 · 02/02/2020 10:06

Hi everyone Thankyou all for replying . I can't really explain it but I don't come across to him as a sex pest to just try and conceive . I do have a higher sex drive than him but I think we should be doing it more than twice a month . I don't try anything on anymore because I know that he's not in the mood as a soon as we get in to bed because he doesn't take his pjs off anymore . I kind of feel unwanted and pretty lonely right now . We both work really long hours so hardly see each other much . Then no intimacy just adds to it . I do try to ask him if he still wants one but he just gets rather angry and says of course . As much as I want one if he said he changed his mind that would be it for me . I mean as in I would say ok and get on with my life . As for being with him for 10 years and not being married. We are engaged. New engaged for the last 5 years but when ever I mention how much I want to get married again he gets angry about it saying there's more important things to save for . We are buying our own house this year . So we are saving but I got a feeling even if we wernt he still wouldn't want too . And not just because he's with me but he would be like it with who ever he is with x

OP posts:
MummyNWife · 02/02/2020 10:09

The warning signs are there im afraid, he's clearly not interested in a wedding or a baby otherwise he wouldn't get angry. Get out while you can.

Costacoffeeplease · 02/02/2020 10:18

He sounds like a bundle of joy, I wouldn’t buy a house with him, it doesn’t sound like you’re compatible and on the same page

I’d cut my losses and get out

AlwaysCheddar · 02/02/2020 10:20

The relationship is pretty much over. End it and walk away. He doesn’t want a baby or marriage with you.

MakeMineALargeProsecco · 02/02/2020 10:32

Sadly, I think it is over & he is being too cowardly to finish it, so is behaving in a shitty way so you do and he won't feel so bad.

Don't waste any more time on him; 10 years is a long time.

ToastandCheese · 02/02/2020 10:40

He doesn’t want to be with you.

He doesn’t want sex, or a baby or marriage. I think he just won’t end it or doesn’t know how to.

FlowerArranger · 02/02/2020 12:38

Me and my boyfriend have been together for ten years. ... We are engaged. New engaged for the last 5 years but when ever I mention how much I want to get married again he gets angry about it saying there's more important things to save for

He does not want to marry you. That's the bottom line. So everything else - baby and house - is irrelevant. If you go ahead with either or both, you will regret it. Particularly if you end up scaling back your career or become a SAHM.

And read again what you wrote about his commitment - or lack of it! - to having a baby:

- I wanted a baby a lot sooner than now but he didn't feel ready so we waited .
- I was convinced some times that he would never want a baby but was surprised when he randomly said he's ready .
- the last two months we rarely have sex . And he hasn't mentioned about trying any more either. He just doesn't seem excited anymore.
- Also when ever I mention to him if he still wants a baby and it's ok if he has changed his mind he loses his temper .
- I do try to ask him if he still wants one but he just gets rather angry and says of course.

Need I go on? Please sort out your contraception now. And don't by a house.

Thing is we are in our 30s so I don't want to wait much longer either.
You'll have to find someone else!

I kind of feel unwanted and pretty lonely right now
Of course you do.
But you know what to do, don't you...

Shoxfordian · 02/02/2020 13:18

It sounds like he's changed his mind
Have a serious conversation with him but it seems like you've drifted apart

apacketofcrisps · 02/02/2020 14:27

He doesn’t want any of this with you and he’s syringing you along.

user14928465 · 02/02/2020 14:54

I don't think it counts as being engaged when one party has no intention of ever marrying and the other has accepted that.

It's probably not a brilliant idea to buy a house with someone when your relationship is already dead.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 02/02/2020 15:12

Op this will sound hurtful and I'm sorry in advance but your relationship has no future.

I agree with a PP that he's trying to make you the bad guy.

Missarad · 02/02/2020 16:57

Tell.him.not to worry about having a baby.now. put him.at ease. Buy an ovulation kit x

Missarad · 02/02/2020 16:58

Hes prob worrying and stressing x

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