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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can my husband find out about my hidden savings?

73 replies

Healthkick9 · 01/02/2020 12:27

I have substantial savings in bank accounts and funds that my husband is not aware of. The reasons for the secrecy are aside from the fact that he handles money poorly and would go wild if he knew about these amounts, he is also abusive. (Not quite physical, but emotionally, verbally, throwing things etc). I don't intend to leave, but I know it is not in my best interests to have him know about this money.

He is self employed and has his own business. I know that he has to fill out all kinds of things for the HMRC, and I am concerned that there may be some kind of request from them in relation to any interest earned on my savings? I am not listed on his business at all, but I don't know if they do ask for things like this? We have one joint bank account with minimal money in.

I know trust is everything in a marriage, and I would never have envisioned lying to my husband. But unfortunately he lies to me and hides things from me all the time, and so now I have to think with my head rather than my heart.

OP posts:

thecatneuterer · 01/02/2020 16:42

take to good, reputable jewellers. Spend it on rings etc. That ranks as some of the worst advice I've ever seen on MN (and there's quite some competition).

Jewellery seems to loose at least 60 per cent of it's value as soon as it leaves the shop. Have you ever tried selling second hand jewellery? I knew someone who had a £10,000 huge diamond engagement ring. When she tried to sell it she was offered £2000, and that was many years later so inflation makes the deal worse still.

HyacynthBucket · 01/02/2020 16:48

Or as another poster suggested, why not leave but not divorce. Get on with your life, with your money. If your husband eventually files for divorce, which if you do not agree will take a few years, by then you will have either spent the money or put it away somewhere where it cannot be traced. (And why would he be looking for it if he does not know that you have the money?) Maybe a bank account in another currency abroad, or somewhere as untraceable as possible.

Fedupandpoor · 01/02/2020 16:50

@BillieEilish Why can't you leave the country with your DD? I'm asking because my ex DP is from a med country. My DD was born there, my ds was born In England. We live in England now but will eventually move back to his country(he hates it here) would I be able to bring my children back to UK if it all goes tits up?

thecatneuterer · 01/02/2020 16:59

sorry for the typo 'loae', not 'loose'. How mortifying

rededucator · 01/02/2020 17:00

If you've a big nest egg why are you living with an abusive man? Leave?

HollowTalk · 01/02/2020 17:03

He won't have to declare your income on his tax return. I've just done mine and there's no space on the form for that.

How did you manage to save so much money and to keep it secret?

ShoesandmoreShoes · 01/02/2020 17:23

I agree with pp. If he's abusive and you have 'substantial savings' then why on earth would you stay with him? If your money is in bank accounts then it can be traced and found. Use the money to leave and create a happy life for yourself.

AcrossthePond55 · 01/02/2020 17:57

@Fedupandpoor

I'm not Billie but I'll answer. If the country you live in and take the child to are signatories to the Hague Convention, you cannot remove your child from their country of habitual residence without the permission of the other parent. It's considered parental abduction and the child will be returned to their country of habitual residence. Note that it's not solely where the child is actually born, it's where they live (and how long they've lived there).

Since Billie and her DD live in Spain, Spain is DD's 'country of habitual residence'. Theoretically if Billie were to take her child to live in the UK, since both countries are Hague signatories the authorities would force her to return the child.

If I were you I'd check the Hague status of DH's 'med country'. And investigate what is considered 'habitual residence'. If you think your marriage is at all likely to go tits up, I'd think very carefully about moving.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hague_Convention_on_the_Civil_Aspects_of_International_Child_Abduction

BillieEilish · 01/02/2020 18:07

AcrossthePond has it in one FedpandPoor

I would always advise anyone to think plans of living abroad SO carefully now.

I have lost pension, very good job, all hopes of working in a similar position, if at all and I am stuck. (Unless I Leave without my daughter, which I would never do)

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 01/02/2020 18:13

If you divorce then legally you must declare them and he will be entitled to a share

Guess the question is - if you were to divorce would you be looking for half or more of the assets you presumably jointly own (such as a house) or his business? If so what's good for the goose is good for the gander.. if you're not prepared to share then why should he.....if you were a man there would be uproar that you were hiding money that his wife was legally entitled to

Alwayscheerful · 01/02/2020 18:20

If you need to file self assessment tax returns you will need to declare any interest received and he might see the amounts when you file your return.
The first £500 is tax free if yo7 pay tax at 40%, You will pay extra tax on amounts received above £500 per year.
If you pay tax at a standard rate tax the first £1000 is tax free and then taxable above this threshold.
You can put 20k per year into a cash isa and I don't think you have to declare cash ISAs on your tax return. I would make sure yo7 move £20k every per year into a cash isa.
What sort of amounts are we looking at?

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 01/02/2020 18:31

if you were a man there would be uproar that you were hiding money that his wife was legally entitled to

FFS! I notice you conveniently skipped right over the bits where the OP has said he’s abusive and reckless with her money, as well as her own. A man would get the same advice if he was married to an abusive wanker. Why the fuck do some posters constantly feel the need to whine “if it was a man” or NAMALT. Is it female socialisation making you feel you have to defend the ‘poor men’ or do you just not like women? 🙄

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 01/02/2020 18:31

*as well as his own.

Afrigginggoat · 01/02/2020 21:36

Re jewellery, buy vintage and some loss in value is better than the annoyance Of losing fifty percent to a tosser

percheron67 · 01/02/2020 21:59

I don't know about the legal position. I would say, the opposite of what a less experienced me would have said twenty years ago. That is, please look after yourself and your future. To my eternal regret I did not. I wish you Good Luck.

Cheeseandwin5 · 05/02/2020 10:39

How interesting to see that Billie's DH and the OP are treated differently despite doing basically the same thing.
Just to say that in Spain if you have a bank account of 50k euros (anywhere in the world) and over this has to be declared on a 720 Form.
I think a few ppl asked but I don't seem to have seen the answer but how have you manage to save a substantial amount? You complain about your DH but I see little signs that you are planning to actually leave him, rather using as an excuse to keep the money.
So basically you are cheating your family of money that could make all your lives better.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 05/02/2020 10:51

So basically you are cheating your family of money that could make all your lives better.

And how exactly is the money, which he will spend all in his usual reckless and entitled fashion, going to help the OP, prevent him from abusing her. The only member of the family that will benefit from the money is her abusive husband, while she remains trapped with the prick because she has no money to escape.

ChuckleBuckles · 05/02/2020 11:01

Jewellery seems to loose at least 60 per cent of it's value as soon as it leaves the shop

Exactly this, however something like a Chanel handbag or a Hermes even increase in value year or year in the second hand market. Something to think about OP.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/02/2020 11:04

I don't intend to leave

Why not? Sounds miserable.

Cheeseandwin5 · 05/02/2020 12:34

@totallyFuckedup

Read the post- she doesn't intend to leave him. The money is being kept for her own best interests only.

I assume you would be happy if a man had written and said he had a secret account with substantial funds cause he didn't think his wife was good with money, cause I would be furious if that was the case.
I may understand that no one would be able to move the funds without both signatures, or maybe his alone if I was really bad with money, but I would want to know about it and what transactions took place. Also if the money was being taken out of family or business funds then it would be a deal breaker.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 05/02/2020 12:47

Read the post- she doesn't intend to leave him. The money is being kept for her own best interests only.

Many, many women come on here asking for advice and say they’ve no intention of leaving their abusive husband/partner, but with support and advice they often wake up and wise up. What you’re trying to do, by insisting she hands her money over to him, is removing that option from her. That’s what she will be doing, handing the money over to HIM, which he will then spend. Do you think he’s going to split it 50/50 with her or give her any say in how it’s spent? This isn’t an equal relationship, but you’re acting as if all the fault lies with her!

I absolutely would be giving the man the same advice, if he was being abused. I would also be telling him to leave. As for you being furious, are you abusing your partner and spending the family money on whatever you want? If you aren’t, then you don’t need to worry about him/her hiding money and you don’t need to worry about them leaving. The OP is in a completely different situation.

I may understand that no one would be able to move the funds without both signatures, or maybe his alone if I was really bad with money, but I would want to know about it and what transactions took place. Also if the money was being taken out of family or business funds then it would be a deal breaker.

Good for you, but I doubt that the OP would have any if those rights you would demand for yourself.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/02/2020 14:55

The fact of the matter is that any person in an abusive relationship is well advised to have a 'fuck off fund' somewhere their abusive partner can't get to it.

OP may not be planning on leaving him yet, but who knows what the future may bring? She may wise up, he may cross some as yet unknown 'line' with her, or he may ruin them financially. It's a safety net.

I think she's a fool for staying, but that 'call' is up to her.

EL0ISE · 05/02/2020 15:41

None of you have the FAINTEST IDEA whether or not the OP would have to hand over a substantial chuck of her saving to her DH in a divorce !

Because you have no idea about:

The value of her savings
The value of his business, pension and any other assets
The proportion of these assets that has been acquired during the marriage
Which country they live In, therefore what law applies.

For all you know, the Op inherited It and they live in Scotland . So she wouldn’t have to give him any of it. Even if it’s £10M.

Or her savings are £20k and his assets are several million. So she wouldn’t have to give him any of it.

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