Hindu muslim marriage

[sravani0]

Hello. My guy is a muslim and I'm an hindu.
So we are talking about our marriage and he informed me that it is mandatory for me to get converted into islam in order to marry him. Otherwise our marriage can't be acceptable. Now here is the thing.. I am not a religious person. He is very religious. I want to marry him but i don't want to get converted. I said i wanna be like who i am. I asked him to accept me the way i am but he says he can't as it is not allowed in his religion for marriage. Now we both are stuck.
Is there any couple out there with interfaith marriage? Please advise.

@SmellyBeard good find.
He may not be expressive because he knows he's in a haram relationship or he may just be a guy who doesn't express. If you're not happy with how he is, why marry him?
If you wanted to marry a Muslim guy you'd want the guy who is expressive and loving especially if that's how you are. You're probably wasting your time with him. Not sure how it jumped to marriage a month later. Think carefully.

Dont do it, seriously run for the hills. I married a Muslim man, and it was hell. He was a feckless, controlling arsehole and a massive mummy's boy to boot, and even now I'm still dealing with the fallout. And anyone who says Islam empowers women is talking complete and utter shite 🙄

* Dont do it, seriously run for the hills. I married a Muslim man, and it was hell. He was a feckless, controlling arsehole and a massive mummy's boy to boot, and even now I'm still dealing with the fallout. And anyone who says Islam empowers women is talking complete and utter shite 🙄*

My white Irish Catholic ex-boyfriend was the same. As was my Hindu grandfather and my Jewish ex-fiancee. But I wouldn’t be such a fool to say all Catholics / Hindus / Jews were like that. There is no need to be racist - there are many high profile muslims who have role modelled mixed-religion relationships successfully - Shah Rukh Khan, Aamir Khan (the actor not the boxer), Mo Farah, Hasan Minhaj, Sajid Javed to name just a few. I even know Muslim Imams who have married the loves of their lives from other religions and not forced them to convert but they had discussed in advanced like mature people what to do with children because if you have kids their conversion tends to be non-negotiable in most of the Middle Eastern monotheist religions. Some jointly chose not to have kids, others did but jointly agreed they would be raised muslim.

It’s true that by the Qur’an Muslim men can marry women if Abrahamic faiths, so Jewish and Christian women are ‘allowed’. As Hinduism isn’t an abrahamic faith then I think it’s true you would need to convert. However, if you don’t want to do this then don’t! By you- and consider what faith any future children would be and how this might affect your relationship with them as they grow up.

My friend married a Muslim man from the Gulf (super rich), she’s from a Christian family but was never religious. She’s now his fourth wife (so polygamy too!!) and lives in the Gulf with him, but I think the restrictions/freedom sacrifices are more cultural than religious.

Good luck but think of the future and how you might feel in 15 years if you’re still married, a Muslim and have Muslim children. Would you feel like you had been fair to yourself?

How lovely to see that MNHQ is firmly on the side of posters who lie and mislead us about their circumstances to gain some sort of sympathy or advantage and yet I am the one who has my posts deleted for calling them out on it.

If you are still reading, I see you. I see right through you and your ‘husband’s’ little
scam. Shame on you. Shame on him.

WhereShallWeMoveTo
Mine have also been deleted for inconvenient truths

I’m a Muslim woman.

I don’t agree with changing your faith to marry him. Surely he knew what your faith was before getting involved with you.

HOWEVER, from an Islamic perspective, a Muslim man can marry a Christian or a Jewish woman, without her having to change her faith. The marriage will still be recognised and valid.

Why are Muslim men allowed to marry women of the book, but Muslim women are not allowed to marry men of the book?

It doesn’t say in the Quran a Muslim woman can’t marry a man of the book. It doesn’t specify gender actually. But people have merged several verses to come up with their own conclusions that it’s only a man who can have an interfaith marriage. Not a lot of Imams are willing to conduct a marriage where the woman is a Muslim and a man isn’t. There are some, but majority won’t allow it.

Thanks @ims0rrydarlin
I did google before asking, and read a piece that said about multiple verses and interpretations - but it also said that the majority of scholars interpreted it that men could marry non Muslims, but women couldn’t. Which I think is borne out by your comment about the majority of Imams. I asked here, because I wouldn’t rely on one google hit.

I suppose then my question should be - given that the Quran doesn’t specify gender in the verses, why do the majority of Imams supporting a Muslim man marrying a woman of the book, but not a Muslim woman doing the same?

I thought it is because Islam is passed down the paternal line so if a Muslim woman marries a non-Muslim man the kids may not be brought up in the Islamic faith. This may well be incorrect though.

Ellisandra - unfortunately, the religion is mixed up with culture. So if an individual is raised in a culture where men have the upper hand etc and the same individual becomes an Imam, he will still somewhat be a product of his environment. Also, people will rather support the majority and not the minority for numerous reasons. That’s why I always believe and state religion is open to interpretation. I practice the religion based on my interpretation of the Quran. Not what my community believes. It’s a shame many others don’t.

Muslim women can't marry non-Muslim men due to lineage. Lineage is passed down through the father.
There is also some Ulama (scholars) who say it is because men are the emirs (leaders of the family). They are the maintainers and protectors.

OP if you do not want to be a Muslim do not convert. You wouldn't actually be considered a Muslim in the eyes of Islam, as the belief is not from the heart. And no man is worth a lifetime of misery. Only convert if you truly believe and it will make you happy.

And if he was practising man he wouldn't have so much as spoken to you let alone go on to be in relationship with you.

In terms of you both marrying, it wouldn't work. You are not on the same page as each other.

End it now before you cause yourself further heartache.

Islam like Judaism and Hinduism is actually passed down the female line - that is why the burden of the religion is on men.

My guess is that women often didn’t marry out of faith during quranic times because as independent holders of wealth (Islam is the only Middle Eastern religion where women can hold / inherit property) their wealth would then be lost.

Why are you good enough to be his girlfriend as a Hindu but not good enough for anything longer term. I would translate "so religious" to " so controlling"

Hi OP. Not getting into the rights and wrongs of Islam but I believe there is lots ilof compromise in a marriage. Compromise in terms of big decisions - where you live, whether it have children as well as small decisions like how to decorate the living room etc and compromises in behaviours and habits. I don't think an entire belief system is something you can compromise on or fake to get him onside. There is no point converting to stay with him as it will become obvious you don't believe and I think its disrespectful to people who do believe. It's a shit situation - in my opinion, of his making as if he really wanted to live by his religion I dont think he should have got involved with you - I doubt there is an 'it's fine to have a sexual relationship with a non believer as long as you dont marry them' section in the Qur'an (I may be wrong though!)

I used to be married to a Muslim, it almost destroyed me. At first it didn't matter, but after children the pressure was on. The more I refused and dug in my heels the more abusive he became. I realised the red flags were there from the beginning.

I have a work colleague who is Muslim and she married a Hindu guy but no conversion took place.

I doubt there is an 'it's fine to have a sexual relationship with a non believer as long as you dont marry them' section in the Qur'an (I may be wrong though!)

This.

I guess one way to find out his true intentions is to suddenly express a great interest in either Christianity or Judaism. (If you live in the U.K. then Christianity would probably be easier.)

* Why are you good enough to be his girlfriend as a Hindu but not good enough for anything longer term. I would translate "so religious" to " so controlling"*

As a Hindu I can tell you, categorically, that her family would be as disapproving of her with a Muslim if not more so. Both of them knew what kind of shit storm they stepped into with this relationship.

I'm from a Sikh background and I know the situation. I suppose me and my siblings all had mixed marriages and relationships and my parents eventually accepted. I suppose I find it difficult to understand that this still goes on. I wouldn't interfere in my children's choices. Their happiness is paramount, and surely I have no right to interfere.
I know it goes back to the Indu-Pak war, and these ideas are based on tribalism and racism, which South Asian society is steeped in. But haven't our generation moved on from this?

Of course he can marry you without religion involved, people do so every day. You marry in a registry office or be married by a marriage celebrant in a beautiful location. But it seems his offer is conditional on you making a massive change. I would not do this & anyone who expected me to would not be right for me.

I would say it goes back to indo-pak history but like someone said, he should know Islam forbids these relationships but so many Muslim men are not practising and then slam the marriage thing on the girl. Many girls accept it but are not that inclined to practise, same as the guy really.
I've seen the opposite happen too but it's harder if one only marries for marriage.

Anywhere where is the OP?

I'm afraid I don't think marriage is going to work with an attitude like his.

such "conversions" obviously will never be sincere and can become a poison at the heart of the marriage. the marriage could certainly work if you both accept your right to pursue (or not) the faith of your culture to whatever extent you wish and to show an interest in each other's faith (or non-faith) without feeling pressure to agree with each other, and to bring up any children with a mishmash of both and a freedom to choose.

what he is demanding is total capitulation and surrender of any right to maintain a cultural distinction for yourself or any children. you need to say no now, or the only result will be misery.