What do men want?

[Claire926]

I have no idea what is going on in the dating world now. I had a nosy to see what the competition is like on dating sites and am finding that obese women put themselves as average body type and I am quite slim but would say I am average body type so if a man was to do a search he might exclude 'average' body type in his search. Other women try to make out they have the perfect lives by travelling, going to festivals with their friends, body dysmorphia and snapchat filters on their pictures. I have deleted my dating profile because I feel that online daters are extremely shallow with the grass is greener syndrome. I would say I am slim but not athletic but have a pretty face.

My question is do men prefer a woman who is very toned with a not so nice face or would they prefer a woman with an average body and pretty face?

I know looks are not everything and I am a kind person with a good heart but I feel pressured by looks. This shallow world is knocking my confidence. In real life I have lots of men who are interested in me but they lack confidence in asking me out.

They don’t. I have spoken to men online who say they have never got as far as going on a date.

My question is do men prefer a woman who is very toned with a not so nice face or would they prefer a woman with an average body and pretty face?

I would imagine that if they are into toned women, they would prefer toned and a pretty face. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

This thread is comedy gold

My dh likes women who can solve difficult equations, know what a foot-lambert is and can parallel park in tight spaces.

Maybe start there?

My dh likes women who can solve difficult equations, know what a foot-lambert is and can parallel park in tight spaces

So does mine but that isn't what first attracted him. It was my looks.

You have an odd way of looking at this and tbh have come across quite rude and bitchy towards other women!

Different men want different things from a woman, there is no exact science? Comparing yourself to other people is just energy wasting and self sabotage! There is a lot more to someone than a number of a scale or clothes label. Don’t worry yourself on what other women describe them-self as, it really isn’t a concern for you!

I have done online dating and it is hard enough at the best of times.

Trying to BE what "men" like is ridiculous. You are you
"Men" are not all lumped together under one heading

Lots of different men out there....all liking DIFFERENT things

Find one that likes YOU. But first, like yourself and BE yourself. You cant find someone meaningful until you learn to do that.

The main thing is to be yourself. If you're not at some point the act will drop & things will go belly up.
From my experience of OLD I found going on personality (obviously limited given the amount you can write) rather than looks, physique. I'm sure most men are tbe same, admittedly there must be some attraction as in what you see im the profile pic.
If they don't make the effort, or just want sex say Goodbye & think of them as a practice run for when a good one comes long.
My current partner isn't someone I'd have picked at first, but his personality is amazing & the more I get to.know him the more attractive he gets. I don't notice his imperfections ( ones he points out, not me)I just enjoy being with him , & the right person for you will be the same

I am dating a guy who showed me his Tinder inbox on a date and it was literally only me in there, and no circle matches either. I have over 150 matches and about 30 chats and we didn’t believe each other until we showed each other! He can’t get a chat and I can’t keep up with them

This is not even me bragging, I’m no Victoria Secret model it just seems to be how it is

A study showed that women (on OK Cupid) rated 80% of men on the site as ‘below average’ ... though I do think it gets more balanced the older the age group.
Trouble is, older single woman are often the best and older single men, er perhaps not. After all, if women tend to marry men who are a bit older and higher earning, that leaves the highest earning women and the lowest earning men as those still seeking!

The Impossible.

What do we want ? A woman who respects herself, and not looking at the young woman on love Island etc,doubting yourself ...so if you have his children, he'll love and respect the fact{or he should do} you have gained some weight , which is a major debate on its own, but you have to look after yourself for your own well being and self esteem, the rest should fall into place for a happy marriage.
I do wish you the best

All of them wanting what ??? Careful now...careful

In general I find the younger (20s) ones (and immature older ones) just want a slim, hot young body with convenient hole to.cum in. Nice face a bonus. Helps if they pick up after him as well.

The Impossible

Ha. So true.

If I knew what men wanted I wouldn't be divorced twice and now I just don't care what they want.

I asked DH and he said a nice smile, intelligence and compassion. I then asked his real answer was!

Sex

Well, that's a fair few of 'em.

I found that Tinder made me feel more insecure. I felt a bit more comfortable on PoF. If and when you fancy another go, t's worth looking at a few different ones and seeing which one you prefer. Best wishes xxx

Brilliant answer madcatladyforever. Really made me chuckle

(for transparency I’m a bloke)

I last used OLD (Match and POF) 6 years ago and my DP and I found each other through it, which is the highlight obviously!

I had some very mixed results before meeting her though. If I had to give any tips I’d say read the profile guidance that most of the sites provide. Honestly, they’re pretty good.

Fill the profile in and use decent clear shots, including a full length recent one which just shows you. Don’t try and make out you’re massively into hiking or extreme sports or golf (or whatever) if you’ve never done more than walk to the shops or ride your brother’s BMX when you were 10!

Be honest with what you’re looking for and what type of person you’re looking for. If you’re not high maintenance, don’t feel that all your pics need to be of you with a ton of slap on, or photoshopped to the point we wouldn’t recognise you if we met you.

So “honesty” might lose you a few potential dates but, in the longer run, the dates that you do end up getting will be with men that value what you can really offer them, not some fictional “ideal”

@PaterPower I 100% agree with not putting ‘hiking’ etc in your profile if you actually don’t. Everyone online dating apparently hikes and absolutely no one stays in eating pringles and watching eastenders 🤣 Also if you lie about stuff like that, you might meet someone lovely who actually hikes and expects you to go with him and then you’re fucked!

I was honest on my profile and was inundated with messages still and ended up meeting someone lovely who knew the ‘real me’, liked me, had things in common with me and we’ve been together years.

I think people are maybe being a bit harsh here.

My question is do men prefer a woman who is very toned with a not so nice face or would they prefer a woman with an average body and pretty face?

Either. Either's fine. Most men wouldn't care very much. And it doesn't matter anyhow, cause there's really little you can do to change your face and becoming very toned is probably beyond most people. If you think you're slim, just put slim in your profile. Or average. Very few men are going to exclude you based on that. These terms are completely subjective anyhow.

I’m sure the starting point for many men is they want a pretty slim woman with a good body. They then look in the mirror and realise that perhaps they need to be more realistic!

Actually men are just as picky as women for a life partner. Yes for a short term thrill they may want the pretty face and nice figure but that's not gonna keep them happy when trying to have a conversation at the end of the night.
I have been skinny. I have been fat. At skinny I attracted nob heads that just wanted something pretty on their arm. They didn't care for my opinions or views. I got engaged a few times but never married.
At fat, I met my 'soul mate' and someone I consider absolutely gorgeous, but also someone I can talk to, relax with and enjoy the time spent together. Could I lose weight, sure. I'd be doing it for health benefits rather than any other. I'm still the same person no matter the dress size and I'm the happiest and self secure I've ever been. Perhaps work on your inner attitude rather than other people's outward exterior

As a guy, I want to meet someone who I find attractive (which does not cohere with a societal definition of attractiveness;I actually find conventionally attractive women boring to look at), but more than anything else I just want to meet someone whose values and sensibilities I share, and with whom I can develop a connection.

However, this is almost impossible with online dating because rather than interacting with a multi-faceted person you are looking at a photo in a profile which functions as a sales pitch. The result is a shallow competition in which men are all trying to bag attractive women twenty years younger than them and women are hunting for Ryan Gosling. Furthermore, with that swipe there is always the prospect of something better so, on you go, as though you are trying to find the right pair of shoes.

Really you can't blame people for being shallow because internet dating is designed to make people shallow. It wouldn't make any money if it didn't.

Next to anthropogenic climate change, nuclear weaponry and insider trading, online dating is about the worst thing to befall civilisation in recent history.