When did you get back to DTD after birth?

[Comps83]

Baby born New Year's Day, I've had a rough time as my mother died a week later
Dh has been hinting at sex since 2 weeks pp. I was cut and had stitches for that and also minor grazes which could have been stitched but I refused as I couldn't take any more .
I don't feel too bad downstairs, but still sore, nothing more than I'd expect after such a procedure
Just wondering when everyone else got back to DTD with only minor birth injuries ?

Tbh I can't think of anything I'd less like to do and don't think I will for a pretty long time

It took us about 5 months without a stitch, graze or, you know, the death of an immediate family member. It could've been 2, or 2 years, either way my husband isn't fussed if I'm not. Turns him off of his wife isn't into it. Hinton when you were 2 weeks post partum and a week post bereavement doesn't really paint him on his best light, op. Hope you're ok.

Hinting, obvs.

I think we first tried after 6 weeks but didnt actually manage anything. It took me a long time to see down there as anything else other than a baby door! I felt distinctly un-sexy so that didn't help. My boobs also felt more like my daughters property rather than mine.

At least 8 weeks and probably longer, it was a long time ago so I don't remember exactly. The important point is it should be when and only when you are ready and happy to do so. There is no magical timeframe for this, it can be days for some and months and months for others, it is what feels right for you. Sounds like you've been through a lot in a very short time, so sorry to hear of your loss .
No pressure OP and as a loving, supportive partner your DH should respect this absolutely.
If DH had been hinting at sex 2 weeks post partum he would have been given short shrift and told to go and sort himself out!

Congratulations on the birth of your baby and I'm sorry for your loss.

For us it was 9 weeks to the day. However, my husband didn't hint once in that entire time. I had an episiotomy and stitches for a forceps delivery and was sore for weeks, which he knew. If he'd have suggested sex when he knew I was sore from giving birth to our daughter I'd have been very annoyed with him, it's selfish. I didn't even have to deal with the loss of a close relative. Tell him to jog on.

It was about 12 weeks pp and I had epi and stitches. He sounds like an arsehole sorry 🤣

I didn't have stitches, but I did have a small tear and some grazing.

We had sex four weeks after I gave birth. It was my idea but I regretted it. It was painful during and after.

A few weeks later and we started getting back into regular sex, but very gently.

I wasn't even aware it was safe before 4 weeks pp. And he really shouldn't be pressuring you, especially with the grief you're also copying with.

Thanks everyone
I knew I wasn't bu.
He knows what I went through as he saw it all. I feel like shouting 'go have a fcking wank!'

3 weeks.It felt strange and a bit uncomfortable but was fine after a few tries

And the first orgasm I had afterwards hurt a bit

2 weeks and it was perfectly fine. But everyone is different. I wouldn’t have want to wait months personally.

Then that is exactly what I would shout, op. He's being extremely inconsiderate to even hint at this stage. Tell him his inability to see why you might not be interested is incredibly unattractive to you and could kill your libido for years!

After my first I was super horny, but I waited 6 years after my third. Everyone is different and every birth is different.

With DC1 (traumatic forceps delivery) at least 6 months, and then it was irregular, although we still managed to (deliberately) conceive DC2 at 15 months postpartum. With DC2 I'm not sure, but I would say at least 3 months. Delivery was much smoother so physical healing was quicker, but there is also the sleep deprivation, the being 'touched out' and the lack of body confidence that having young children gives you. 3.5 years after DC2 I still don't really like being topless, even though it's 2 years since I stopped feeding. We are just about starting to emerge from the fog of small children, and are making more time for a physical relationship. There's no need to rush, and anyone who wants to rush you doesn't really care about you.

4.5 months. That was after second degree tear and an infection which was cleared by 5 weeks.

Like PP have said, it's entirely down to the individual. One of my friends DTD 3 weeks after giving birth and that was unimaginable to me, but each to their own!

Either way your partner needs to respect the fact that you have physically and emotionally gone through two extremely traumatic experiences, and he needs to give you the mental space to come to terms with recent events without any pressure from his side.

7 months the first time, 3 months the 2nd. There really is no rush. Be sure to sort some contraception first, whatever that is for you.

9 years and counting, lol!

I feel like shouting 'go have a fcking wank

I don't blame you @Comps83

When YOU feel you're ready, that's when you're ready. Tell him to stop pestering you.

I think at about 6 or 7 weeks we tried, at my suggestion, but it was too painful for me so we waited another few weeks after that.

Honestly if he’d have been hinting from 2 weeks, after watching me give birth, being stitched up and needing salt baths every night, I’d have thought he was the most selfish twat on the planet and my vagina would probably have clamped shut for ever more.

You need to spell it out for him - “DH, I’m only 4 weeks since giving birth and I’m dealing with the death of my mother so tbh I can't think of anything I'd less like to do, but I’ll be sure to let you know when I’m ready. Until then, please stop pestering me, as it’s a massive turn off”.

First time round approx 6 weeks

Second time round after being cut/stitched/torn and forceps delivery approx 12 ish weeks... mind after seeing the delivery husband was fine with this !!

I was advised 6 weeks minimum and to wait until bleeding stopped years ago when I had mine, was a bit less with dd2 as no stitches.

Months! Probably about 5-6 months, which was possibly too long as I got more scared than I needed to but there had been a lot of stitches and anything being stretched hurt! It was still sore when we did. I had no hints or pressure from DH at all!

He doesn't sound very nice.

He sounds vile. Very sorry for your loss op.

Oh months the first time but I had a 3rd degree tear and was quite ill after the birth plus had a sleepless baby so honestly sex was the last thing on our minds. Second time 6 weeks after I stopped bleeding (had a c section that time). Also ds2 is a much better sleeper so we actually had the opportunity!

2 or 3 weeks with both but crucially...when I felt I was ready since it was my body which had been through it. Especially after nearly dying both times!