I’ve been with DP for 7 years. Sometimes in the past 7 years I have thought about my ex (not a serious relationship, someone I dated for a few months at uni - but he ended it with me when I was about to say I love you and it really left me in a state), and sometimes I have imagined what my life would have been like with him. I also look him up on social media from time to time. I have never met or spoke to him however. For obvious reasons I didn’t mention any of this to DP, but he has recently found a poem that I wrote a couple of years back about that previous break up, which I deliberately did not show him because I knew he would be angry. He has found the poem and is livid and saying it’s an emotional affair to think about him at all, that I probably think about him in bed (I don’t)... and now I’m really confused! Of course it’s upsetting for someone you’re in a relationship with to be thinking also of someone else, which is WHY I didn’t tell him, but is that really an emotional affair? Can we not have whatever private thoughts and emotions we want?