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Original poster

Falling for a friend

30 replies

Pink17 · 30/01/2020 08:15

I met this guy in November 2019 through work and we hit it off instantly we both have similar lifestyles whereby we travel alot and we also have alot in common and can chat for hours, he's married with 2 kids and I'm in a 6 year relationship no kids. I wasn't initially attracted to him but I just really liked him as a person because we got on well as friends so we decided to start hanging out more often and go for a coffee or food after work. We would email occasionally to see how each other is but nothing major, then things started to get confusing as we did start kissing each other after meeting up which happened on afew occasions so it did start to feel more like a date than just meeting as mates. We decided to have a chat about it face-to-face so he came round my house as we both didn't want any mixed signals, he told me he'd fallen for me early on but made it clear he didn't want it to go anywhere and that he just sees me as a good friend, I admitted I liked him more than a friend too but I think it was because we'd be spending too much time together. I told him we shouldnt see each other again, not even as friends because we don't want to lead each other on which he was really sad about, he said he didnt want to loose me as a friend. Basically we stopped contact but guess what.. It didnt last.. Somehow we started emailing again but he'd always initiate the conversation by asking how I'm doing. Anyway, One month later, and it's back to before, but we are seeing each other more, at least 2 times a week, but it's not just for a coffee.. we've started doing stuff together like cinema, bowling, spending a day at a hotel using the spa (we have not slept together at all) and he even invited me round his house to hang out. Ive tried to cut down the emailing again but if I don't reply within a day or two he gets suspicious and worried and will email again as we usually speak everyday. I'm not sure what to do? I can't make out if we ARE just close friends or he has deeper feelings but just doesn't want to admit it. We kissed again the other day after our day out but afew days later when I went round his to chill nothing happened so I'm not sure what he's after... I do have feelings for him still but I don't want to cut him off completely but I also don't want to ask him and get shut down and it'll make it awkward.

OP posts:
Ohnoherewego62 · 30/01/2020 08:17

Stop this.
Immediately.

It's an affair whether there's sex or not.

Kelsoooo · 30/01/2020 08:18

Well aren't you two both perfectly lovely people.

Fucks sake. It's all about you. Poor little you.

Fuck your partner's hey? And the kids? Who gives a fuck about them?

TeddyIsaHe · 30/01/2020 08:19

Stop being so bloody selfish for once and put other people first. You and him are going to ruin a family. I don’t know how you sleep at night.

Original poster
Pink17 · 30/01/2020 08:30

I wouldn't say we are having an affair at all. Male and female can be friends that do stuff together.
Which is why I'm asking advice on if I should cut the friendship off because we'd shared afew kisses.

OP posts:
Kelsoooo · 30/01/2020 08:34

I have plenty of male friends.

None of them would I fucking kiss.
Or discuss the fact we had feelings.

Stop minimising. You're behaving appallingly. Both of you.

You are having an affair. And you know it. You think it's fun and exciting. But it's destructive, abysmal behaviour.

Who's looking after his children whilst you two are cozying up?
Where are they whilst you're at his house? In their home?

Where's his poor wife?

What are you telling your partner about this?

Have you told your partner the full truth?

Original poster
Pink17 · 30/01/2020 08:34

Also, I'm not selfish at all and do think of others. Why do you think I stopped contact when it first happened. I was hoping we'd move on from it.
FYI, I sleep great at night.
People have no right to slam nasty comments on these threads when your just asking for other people's opinions.

OP posts:
Kelsoooo · 30/01/2020 08:34

And you have no fucking right to go after a married man with kids.

You didn't cut contact. You just didn't speak for a couple of weeks. Big whoop.

TeddyIsaHe · 30/01/2020 08:38

It IS an affair, you ARE very selfish and both horrible people. HTH.

Original poster
Pink17 · 30/01/2020 08:38

Wow... where in my post did I say I was going after him.. Confused here

OP posts:
DearHappy · 30/01/2020 08:39

Your title says, Falling for a friend.

DearHappy · 30/01/2020 08:40

And you say you are meeting up and going to his house. Where are his wife and children?

Kelsoooo · 30/01/2020 08:41

The fact you're even querying having the conversation about it, shows you are.

Listen to us. You're in denial.

marmiteandmarmalade · 30/01/2020 08:42

I think you need to face up to the fact that you are having an affair. You know that this is not just a friendship which is why by our had a conversation with him about it and cut contact.

Would you be happy for your husband to be doing all the things you have, behind your back with a female "friend"?

The best think you can do is end this properly before you cause more damage and hurt people. It won't be easy because you are emotionally invested but think about your family and prioritise them.

I really hope you can sort this quickly.

Surplus2requirements · 30/01/2020 08:43

@Pink17 all you're doing is asking people's opinions.

All they're doing is giving them.

You're having an affair with a married man with kids, end of story.

Original poster
Pink17 · 30/01/2020 08:44

Yeah.. Falling for a friend... Doesn't say I'm going after him and trying to get him to leave his family.

Ive been round his once and his wife and kids was at school/work. I don't see the harm in going round if we're just hanging out as friends.

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 30/01/2020 08:45

It is an affair.

I don’t kiss my friends, male or female.

Unless you’ve been 100% honest with your partner and him with his wife as to everything that’s been going on then it 100% is an affair.

End it.

Ohnoherewego62 · 30/01/2020 08:45

I hope you're a troll as if not then theres something not right.

Male and female friends com absolutely do sexual things together providing they are BOTH single or they have an open relationship with their partners.

Are either of your partners aware of this?

TeddyIsaHe · 30/01/2020 08:46

But you’re not just friends! Take your head out of the sand and think about how much pain those children will feel when their dad moves out.

If he has marriage issues that’s fine, he needs to work on it. Not have a cliche work affair.

Kelsoooo · 30/01/2020 10:58

His poor wife. That's her home. Her sofa you sat on. Her TV you watched. Her drinks you drank. The cups she chose.

In her home. That's such a level of violation.

purpleberry11 · 30/01/2020 11:14

I would ask myself in your situation, would I behave like we do when we are together, in front of our partners.
If the answer is no. Then it's definitely an emotional affair of some kind.
Which from personal experience, they are devastating .just tone it down and walk away

Livandme · 30/01/2020 11:21

I got lots of male friends.
I only ever kissed one, he was my fwb

Definitely break it off or get together.

opticaldelusion · 30/01/2020 12:00

Wow. It's like these other four people (his wife and children and your partner) literally don't exist. Can you not see how unacceptable your relationship is?

NurseButtercup · 30/01/2020 12:08

Does his wife know that you kissed, how often you email each other, how often you spend time together???

No?

How do you think his wife would react if she found out the details of your "friendship" and overheard your conversations?

You know your "friendship" is wrong.

So just stop it and leave this man alone.

Poorolddaddypig · 30/01/2020 12:11

You’re definitely having an affair - you kissed! Even if you hadn’t kissed you would still be having an emotional affair. You need to either leave your partners or stop seeing each other. He’s not your friend and you know it. He’s pretty much a boyfriend that you haven’t slept with yet. Really awful for your partners and his poor kids. So disrespectful.

Poorolddaddypig · 30/01/2020 12:12

You’re literally going on dates and kissing this man and emailing him every day. I would end it with my husband in a second if he behaved like this with another woman.

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