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Original poster

Did you go to other people’s weddings during your divorce?

28 replies

Nogoodwithgoodbyes · 29/01/2020 19:23

I have been to one wedding since separating & it took me quite a while to recover from it. Faked it all day and night. I’m supposed to be going to another friend’s wedding in April but I have made other plans. We don’t see each other much anymore but used to be close.

What do you think?

She doesn’t even know I’m separated for the past 6 months but I still feel guilty that I won’t be going as she’d care who is there.

OP posts:
category12 · 29/01/2020 19:35

It really wouldn't have occurred to me not to go. Confused

Why aren't you telling people you're separated and getting divorced?

doritosdip · 29/01/2020 19:39

Yes
Is the problem that your ex also attended the same wedding?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 29/01/2020 19:39

I went to a few. I love a good wedding. How come your friend doesn't know your separated?

category12 · 29/01/2020 19:42

I mean, April's a good couple of months away - don't you anticipate being in a different place emotionally by then?

misspiggy19 · 29/01/2020 19:47

Why wouldn’t you go to a wedding? Just because you are getting divorced?

That’s a bit shitty really

thetigerthatcamefortea · 29/01/2020 19:57

I went to one 6 months after we separated.
It was really tough. I faked it all day and drank far far too much

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/01/2020 19:59

What are you faking? Happiness to be there? Belief in love?

I'd hope you'd be feeling better by April, but I'd also hope that you'd talk to your friend... keeping it a secret might be compounding your feelings that it's something awful. Sadly, divorces are commonplace. Let people support you so that you can heal.

EvilHoor · 29/01/2020 20:02

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

category12 · 29/01/2020 20:09

What? Confused

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/01/2020 20:22

Wasn’t invited to any during my divorce but went to several after and had a blast. Love a wedding! Leaving my ex improved my life greatly but I didn’t regret having got married and wouldn’t begrudge anyone else their happiness.

Original poster
Nogoodwithgoodbyes · 29/01/2020 20:26

We are hardly ever in contact, which is why she doesn't know I'm separated and I find it hard to talk about with people I'm not close to as there is no easy 'one-liner' to explain the whole story. I saw her at the last wedding I went to but hadn't seen her for about a year before then. We lost a lot of contact once she met her fiancé.

Maybe it's different for everyone but I found the wedding I went to really 'triggering.' I got home that night and bawled and felt down and lousy for weeks afterwards.

I think it's perfectly valid not to go, to be honest. It's the first time in my life I've ever not gone to a wedding I was invited to. If it was a close friend, there would be no question but that I'd go, no matter how hard it was but I don't want to put myself through emotional hell for someone who I have very little to do with anymore.

OP posts:
Hadjab · 29/01/2020 20:26

@EvilHoor obviously you feel how you feel, but that seems a bit weird! I was widowed 2 years ago, but I’ve been to loads of weddings since then, and have enjoyed them all. I don’t begrudge others getting to enjoy what I no longer can.

Original poster
Nogoodwithgoodbyes · 29/01/2020 20:28

Leaving my ex improved my life greatly but I didn’t regret having got married and wouldn’t begrudge anyone else their happiness.

I certainly wouldn't begrudge anyone else their happiness either! My gosh, that's certainly not the way I'm looking at it. It's just that I find it so unbelievably upsetting in light of how recent my own wedding was and how fresh it is in my mind... and how quickly it crumbled.

OP posts:
EvilHoor · 29/01/2020 20:28

This reply has been withdrawn

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category12 · 29/01/2020 20:31

@Evilhoor could you explain why you don't go to weddings because you're divorced? I read the words, but I can't make sense of it.

Original poster
Nogoodwithgoodbyes · 29/01/2020 20:31

@Hadjab
I guess everyone is different. A close friend of mine was sadly widowed two years ago too and she hasn't gone to any wedding since as she finds it too tough. Everyone grieves differently for divorce and death, I suppose. Condolences to you. x

OP posts:
TheReef · 29/01/2020 20:38

Yes I did. My db got married two weeks after I separated. It wouldn't even occur to me not to go

TheStuffedPenguin · 29/01/2020 20:40

Why would you even go to the wedding of someone who doesn't know your circumstances and who you are hardly ever in contact with ? That's just crazy .

audweb · 29/01/2020 20:41

Yes I think I did, and I would again. Just because I got divorced doesn’t mean I would want to miss out on celebrating with those close to me. I can understand how it might trigger some emotions, but I would hate to miss out on important days for friends or family because my marriage didn’t work out.

Original poster
Nogoodwithgoodbyes · 29/01/2020 20:43

Why would you even go to the wedding of someone who doesn't know your circumstances and who you are hardly ever in contact with ? That's just crazy

Yeah true.

It's not that I'm not happy for others; it's just that we have drifted more and more as the years have gone by and given how recently my own wedding was, it'd be extremely tough. As I said before, if it was a family member or a close friend, I'd go no matter what!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 29/01/2020 20:45

I don’t mean you think that OP! Smile

And I’m sorry about what you’re going through, it sounds really tough.

If it’ll upset you turn of course don’t go.

Wishing you happier times ahead if that doesn’t sound trite Flowers

DarrellMakepeace · 29/01/2020 20:46

I understand you OP. My long term relationship failed 18 months ago and I absolutely dread being invited to weddings.
A good friend recently was having difficulty keeping their wedding within budget and capacity so I told her I'd be very happy not to go, she thought it was a win-win.

But I am avoiding other weddings like the plague, I just can't face a love fest. I feel like a failure in relationship terms. It's better for my mental health not to go.

DarrellMakepeace · 29/01/2020 20:48

I understand you OP. My long term relationship failed 18 months ago and I absolutely dread being invited to weddings.
A good friend recently was having difficulty keeping their wedding within budget and capacity so I told her I'd be very happy not to go, she thought it was a win-win.

But I am avoiding other weddings like the plague, I just can't face a love fest. I feel like a failure in relationship terms. It's better for my mental health not to go.

Cath2907 · 29/01/2020 20:50

Yeah, my sisters! My DD was a bridesmaid. It was beautiful. I was so happy for her. It was such a relief not to have to drag my almost ex husband along. I sat on top table next to my sisters FIL who’d recently lost his wife and kept him entertained. I danced, drank a few glasses of bubbly and had a great time with extended family I hadn’t seen in ages. It was a brilliant party. I’d happily go to more weddings but no one else I know is getting hitched!

ForestYeti · 29/01/2020 20:52

Currently going through a very slow divorce (not me) and am going to be bridesmaid for a friend this year and can’t wait, even though mine didn’t work out I still loved my wedding day and love the happiness it’s bringing my friend planning hers