Ghosted by fling at work

[Disney4me]

About 6 months ago I started a fling with a guy at work, different team but same office. There has been lots of messaging, kissing, intimate contact but we have only actually had sex once.

He has always been a bit hot and cold with but as time has gone on my feelings for him have intensified but clearly his feelings for me have not.

Just after Christmas he was messaging me lots, kissing me etc and saying we must meet up property again soon. All of a sudden straight after that he just went silent on me. The messages I sent to him about meeting up went ignored. I've been feeling pretty upset by this as have seen him around the office etc but he still hasn't replied. He doesn't acknowledge me at work.

A couple of days ago, after a month of no contact from him I sent him a message asking how he was and saying that I missed him. And still nothing from him.

To be honest i am struggling with how upset and worthless this makes me feel. Not only that I find it so rude and unnecessary to just ghost me, especially as we have to see each other every day!

I'm perceived by him and everyone as nice and quiet and sweet... wouldn't say boo to a goose etc and I think he thinks he can just treat me like this without repercussions.

I will give him a bit of time to see if he does actually respond but if not I want to call him out on his behaviour and tell him I think he is a coward for ghosting me. Is it wrong to do that? It will make me feel so much better and in control of the situation. I think he needs to be told and I think it will help me move on.

His behaviour speaks volumes, do not give him a minute more of your time. Don’t confront him and be civil at work

Go ice cold OP... ignore him before he ignores you... it gets easier

Freeze him out don’t call him out!!

Stop. Just stop.

Before he puts in a complaint at work that you’re sexually harassing him or something.

Don't lower yourself to his games. He's a twat.

I think as much as it will feel satisfying to tell him how he has made you feel, it would be more dignified to just leave it. I think in future you might cringe a bit at laying your heart bare if you send him a heartfelt message.

I've been ghosted a few times in the past and it almost always has been because they've become interested in someone else. It really might be better to just pretend to him and yourself that he means nothing to you, and you are far too busy and important to be concerned with him, even if you don't feel it inside yet. Fake it til you make it!

I'd also avoid leaving the metaphorical door open for him. It's been long enough now, that even if he was having major issues in his life, there's no reason why he couldn't have explained why he had gone silent. Allowing him to pick up where he left off shows him only that you are at his beck and call - and that you will put up with anything to accept his scraps. You know you are better than that!

Why on earth did you message him after a month of no contact?
Have some self respect, woman.

You need to stop messaging him right now. He’s not interested. I know it hurts but just try to move on and forget about him.

He was always 'hot and cold' with you. This means that he's not particularly interested or there may have been someone else on the scene. He sounds like an immature coward.

I wouldn't have some kind of showdown with him. Try and get your hurt and anger out another way. Just ignore him or, even better, be polite and professional. Block his number and ignore him if/when he tries to hoover you back in. These types always do.

In future, don't invest too much until you think your feelings are reciprocated. Don't chase someone who's clearly not interested. Mimic their level of interest. You know when someone is interested in you, it's obvious from their behaviour.

Everyone will say to keep your dignity, OP. They have cooler temperaments than mine. I'd pull him about his behaviour and I wouldn't regret it. What a twat.

This is why you should never mix business with pleasure. It's just not worth it

OP, please don't message him. Ignore him because messaging just makes you look desperate

Delete his number.

This is a classical example of why dating in the same office is such a bad idea.
As to waiting for his response - why on earth would you do that by messages.
I would have walked up to him in the office at a time where no one was too near and said - ‘look, why play silly games? We are adults and if you didn’t want to continue - why be this juvenile and ghost me’

Fuck the dignified silence tactic. You've already blown that anyway by contacting him after a month of silence.

I'd follow him out to the toilet/kitchen/canteen/smoking area, make sure he's alone and ask him "Why the fuck are you ignoring my messages, you rude twat?"

What has he done wrong? Seriously, this was a fling, don't tie yourself in knots about it. He's clearly not interested, lick your wounds and move on. Don't start thinking that 'calling him out' is a solution, you'll just look unhinged.

I've been ghosted when dating in the past and have just deleted and blocked but fuck it's hard when I have to be around him all day everyday! I can't change what has happened... I've been burnt massively and I've learnt from this. I just really want some closure and to feel a bit better about myself and being in that office.

I don't intend to send a message sounding desperate or unhinged or to pour my heart out. I just feel this will help ME to feel a bit better and more confident. At the end of the day I don't really care if he does think it's wrong that I sent one more message as his behaviour has been far worse than mine.

@Disney4me have you seriously gone a month seeing him every day without saying a single word to each other?

No one else in the office knew anything. We have no reason to contact each other professionally and if he walks past me he literally looks away now!

Stop harassing him! He doesn’t want to know. Leave it alone

If he's made it very clear even in person that he's not interested why would you message him

I agree you should stop before he reports you for harassment.

If you haven't tried to ask him face to face it's weird to keep chasing via text.

Please don’t kid yourself that nobody in your office knew - or knows.

He’s being very clever - you have no reason to have any contact at work so he’s completely blanking you.

Honestly, you’re going to end up in trouble at work over this if you continue to message him.

But I've only sent him one message asking how he is... how am I going to get 'done' at work or reported for harassment??

All that matters now is that you protect yourself. Don't communicate with him further. Honestly, nothing good for you will come from it. There won't be any closure. He'll just get defensive. I doubt he'll report you but trust me you don't want the gossips at work discussing your private life, it's not pleasant being the topic of office chat.

He's a knob. You are worth more.

Been there , been ghosted in exact same way.

Made a fool of myself trying to get his attention and find out "why"

Dont. Dont. Dont . Dont.

This was 20 years ago and I still cringe now

Ignore. Ice cold. Dont ask why. Act like he doesnt exist. Seriously.....your self respect will thank you for it xxx

Ps. I know it hurts. Its shit behaviour. But you'll get over him, honestly. And best to look back without cringing

You said The messages I sent to him about meeting up went ignored.
And then A couple of days ago, after a month of no contact from him I sent him a message asking how he was and saying that I missed him.

Then said you want to call him out on his behaviour.
That's not one message.