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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He is cheating

31 replies

freerunner · 01/09/2007 01:52

And he doesn't know that I know. Yet.

I met a 'lovely' guy a few months ago and we were having a wonderful time. Until yesterday. We went out the night before and stayed at his apartment while he was at work. That's when I found the evidence.

I noticed that someone wearing pink lipstick had kissed his bathroom mirror, in a way that you can only see at a certain angle, he obviously hadn't wiped it off properly.

The purple envelope he collected from the mailbox (he thought I didn't notice and hid it under a newspaper) was a card from his ex saying 'I miss you'.

There are long blonde hairs in the carpet/on the sofa that I maybe wouldn't have otherwise noticed.

There is a toddler's bottle in his dishwasher (my kids are older, his 'ex' has 3 young kids).

On the back of a shopping list he has written '(his initials) loves (her initials) forever' -he's 29 FFS!! I know this is recent cos he has written her his new mobile number and signed it 'chickenpie', her nickname for him!!!!

There was a receipt in the kitchen drawer indicating he was in the city where she lives last weekend (he said he was working).

And now for the best one..... I went into the local shop with him and the checkout girl who obviously knows him glared at me, then asked him where the kids were! My kids have never been to that shop.

This man, I am now sure, is with her tonight. He says he is staying with 'a friend' I kept very calm, I haven't said a word to him. Yet. I have no idea how I have managed it. I want to rip his head off. My 10 year old DD sent him an email earlier inviting him to her birthday party .

So, how should I play this? I feel terrible for the other woman too, as I think she is completely oblivious to his deceit. Oh, and her poor kids too. I thought maybe I was falling in love with him and then this happens

OP posts:

LadySnotAlot · 01/09/2007 01:56

Walk away!

Well, have it out with him. He'll either accept or deny (it's a two horse race) and then walk away.

Original poster

freerunner · 01/09/2007 01:59

Oh, he is well and truly dumped. Unfortunately he is in the process of moving and I have all his stuff in boxes in my garage, so I have to face him! I wish I could go and dump it all on her doorstep but she lives a 2hr drive away. I am so angry and upset! I hate him!

OP posts:

LadySnotAlot · 01/09/2007 02:00

Tell him to come and collect or it's going to be chucked on the lawn come rain or shine!!

Original poster

freerunner · 01/09/2007 02:04

I'm going to have to, aren't I?! Just received my usual 'I love you' text as he is leaving the bar. He is in for a shock in the morning...

OP posts:

LadySnotAlot · 01/09/2007 02:05

Tell him to stick his 'I love you' where the sun doesn't shine!

Actually, no. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Drag those boxes out first thing and then call him

Satisfaction guaranteed. You don't need someone like that in your life!

Original poster

freerunner · 01/09/2007 02:12

Hehe! I shall sleep on it. I would love to hear him explain to her why he has to leave her tomorrow! He is such a good liar though. I suppose I am lucky to have seen through him so early on. She can have him, good luck to her.

OP posts:

JustBreathexoxo · 01/09/2007 03:24

Speaking of revenge this boy is not only decieving you but also his ex.You have played it cool so far why not just a lil longer... well long enough to get his ex's phone number obviously she is unaware of his exploits so we dont wanna hurt her but does she not deserve to know what scum her ex is? Get the number call speak with her remember shes in the same position you are give her your number if she ever wants to find out more(im guessing she might not want to believe it at first without confronting her ex and he will do his best to convince her your crazy but in time she might just call)And at least you can rest easy knowing you did your best to help her and you showed him your not to be played a fool.Oh almost forgot immediately after calling him drag all his crap outta your garage and leave it on the front lawn for him to collect it will be fun to see how long it takes him to contact you after your phone call and the only thing you need say to him is your stuffs on my front lawn go get it, you wont be there you'll be off with friends having a fabulous time out meeting new and interesting people

estobi1 · 01/09/2007 06:35

Sorry to hear your news - what a s**t men can be . He probably thinks he is really clever.

In temrs of what to do - do whatever preserves your sanity the best. You are right you have had a lucky escape and like you say, thank goodness it was sooner rather than later.

If you feel like screaming at him - let rip! If you feel like being devious throw his stuff out get this woman's number but it may make you feel worse by dragging things out and having somebody else upset. Whatever you do though, don't listen or be pursuaded by his lies - move on and sooner rather than later.

Good luck x

Original poster

freerunner · 01/09/2007 09:16

My head hurts! I had far too much wine last night and had a good old sob. Gotta pull myself together now and get this over with.

I am liking the idea of getting her number. You are so right, she deserves to know.

The kids are going out with their gran later so will just have DS1 with me, I shall wait til then...

I still can't quite believe this is happening! Got to think, how do I extract her number from his phone?!

OP posts:

fawkeoff · 01/09/2007 09:21

what a complete todge bag!!!!!!phone her, beat the shit out of him,ring some mates and get glammed up and have a girly night out.bollox to him, he didnt and never will deserve you

BandofMothers · 01/09/2007 09:27

Sell his stuff, but agree, maybe best to warn the other woman.

Just a thought, but are you sure he ever dumped her in the first place???? He may well not have done. He may just have told you that he did.

Original poster

freerunner · 01/09/2007 09:31

I am pretty sure they split up. I was with him when she was constantly calling him, texting him - that is supposedly why he changed his mobile number. Then I found that note. I wonder if there are others? Maybe it's not just me and her?!!!

OP posts:

cluelessnchaos · 01/09/2007 09:37

Make sure there is no charge/credit on your phone and say you need to send a text, check the call log to see who has called/been called most and then use number and text it to your OFF phone.

BandofMothers · 01/09/2007 09:39

clueless have you done that before. That is crafty.

Also watch him when you ask, if he seems reluctant and nervous, or has to make a call in private first, you can bet he is getting rid of stuff on there he doesn't want you to see.

cluelessnchaos · 01/09/2007 11:40

No never have, but my DH is so stupid about phones we wouldnt have a clue. Do you think this could be a new calling for me?

Original poster

freerunner · 01/09/2007 12:36

Well, I have tried calling him but he isn't answering his phone. I don't know when he will be back. I'm gonna get glammed up later on and call round to his place. I might even pop into the shop and say hello to that friendly shop assistant!

OP posts:

turquoisenights · 01/09/2007 12:53

i am so sorry for you freerunner.
i know the feeling.
where are good men?
why are they usually like this?

turquoisenights · 01/09/2007 12:57

maybe its best giving up trying to find out more and face him.
just text him that you ending the relationship and want to give his bags asap, if he asks tell him you are suspicious of him.
dont deal with him anymore, he is a cheat it is obvious isnt it?
dont waste your time and brain for him, doesnt worth it.

Original poster

freerunner · 01/09/2007 19:31

I've decided not to go round there. It isn't worth the effort. Plus I am likely to flip if she is there. I'm just going to wait and see how long it takes him to get in touch.

OP posts:

lovefool · 02/09/2007 13:32

Anything???

turquoisenights · 02/09/2007 16:35

anything?

Original poster

freerunner · 02/09/2007 18:49

Still heard nothing from him. He isn't answering his phone, it is switched off. BUT I had a chat with that woman in the shop - she was stunned cos she thought that the ex was his wife and that her kids were his! They were in the shop 2 weeks ago, the kids were in their pyjamas so they must have stayed over.
I am going to be at his place when he gets in from work tomorrow. I am going to swipe his phone and call her.

OP posts:

sleepfinder · 02/09/2007 20:44

It sounds like he's having the affair with you and carrying on his relationship with her.

I think you should walk away.

wannaBe · 03/09/2007 17:49

any news?

lou33 · 03/09/2007 17:53

sadly i agree with sleepfinder

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