Mum stole things from my room under the guise of 'tidying up'

[CloudsCanLookLikeSheep]

I'm a 43 year old woman, title makes me sound like a teenager. My mum still treats me like one I think.

I was away this weekend and my husband was home with my kids. My mum came round to see the kids and when husband's back was turned she 'tidied up' my study. She has been told numerous times not to go in my study. Hubby says he did not realise until it was too late, but she must have been there a while.

Came back and everything was rearranged, even things that had no cause to be, eg pen pot full of pens/cards had been rearranged into different containers. I totally felt like my privacy had been violated.

This morning I was looking for my ebay stock which I keep in a flexitub under my desk. Nothing was there not even the flexitub. Turns out she though it was rubbish (!) and took some stock (high end moisturisers I'd sold) for herself as she thought I didn't want it. This is stuff I've already sold, buyer is awaiting. No way did it even look like rubbish!

I've gone beserk and banned her from my house as I've asked her multiple times not to do this. She has apologised but I don't believe she won't do it again. What else can I do?

Wow-that really is overstepping the mark-what the hell does she think she was doing?

Get her to replace it for starters.

That's awful. And yes, she needs to be replacing it all.

I agree, she needs to replace it, an apology is not good enough. She's been told before and still continues to do it. And no, she wouldn't be welcome to visit anytime soon.

Bill her. Including the flexi tub.

Show her exactly how expensive her 'slip up' was. And tell her she can pay in installments, but she WILL pay.

Maybe that will concentrate her mind. As would not letting her back in your home

Oh goodness that's very serious. A bad bad violation of your privacy and interference with your career.

Now call me a cynical old bitch but I think the tidying is a ruse to cover her tracks. The excse being that age 'happened across them'. Tegardless decent person would check first.

But in doing that, she has created another problem in that she had already been banned from that area.

She must have wanted those items badly.

So not very smart but cunning and conniving. Astonishing level of entitlement. My M displayed lack of respect for my boundaries through repeated questioning of my sex life, including DEMANDING what I do in the bedroom. Calling me a slut, wicked, evil when I didnt comply.

You have to get the money back although I'd be tempted to write it off, NC and change locks plus all your passwords.

Luckily she hadn't opened it yet so has now repackaged and sent it from her local post office to the buyer. She is bonkers. Said the room was messy, she was helping etc etc. Heard it all before!

Going further, if she is prepared to do this then SHE WILL have been into every area of the house.

Why was she banned from study in first place?

I wouldn’t have her over unless you are there.

In fact I wouldn’t have her over at all.

I cannot stand people who overstep boundaries like that.

If you've banned her from the house and the stuff has been rescued, you don't really need to do anything else, do you?

Why was she banned from study in first place?Because she has on numerous occasions in the past tidied up and reorganised the place. Not taken things before though. It makes me feel like my privacy has been invaded, and i can't find anything afterwards. She does this in other areas of the house too, kitchen, kids room but my study is MY space and so it feels the most violation of privacy.

Argh I got carried away with outrage and missed your last paragraph.

I wouldn’t back down on that ban, ever.

Phew on stock!

Not trying to cause additional alarm, but do you believe she will send it your buyers?

OP, ever keep a diary now or as a child?

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants I do, she is not generally malicious and she seemed remorseful. I will ask for the receipt / proof of posting from the PO too.

God I’d be furious. It’s such a weird thing to do.

I would only have her over when you are there and follow her around when she goes to “the toilet” for example.

When I was a teenager living at home my mother used to help herself to my things. She once cut up a pair of my leggings to make shorts for herself. Stole a pair of my trainers as she needed them. Helped herself to my decent shampoo and conditioner after refusing to buy any. I loved out as soon as I could.

@75Renarde no, but she has always been 'boundary blind' eg opening my first payslip to read it. When I told her it said private and confidential her reponse was 'oh they all say that' (!)

Next time you go over to her house, barge in and start rearranging things in her kitchen?

That's what finally got Mum to stop damned well rearranging my cutlery drawer every time she came to visit. 'See dear, I've fixed it for you, isn't this much better?!'

Next time you go over to her house, barge in and start rearranging things in her kitchen?

I already did that one time in her bedroom, she just pretended it hadn't happened!

For a starter I'd get a lock for the study door and keep it locked when you're not in there.

Second I'd make sure that any time she visits she is monitored so that she doesn't wander off and start tidying nosing through things. Seems odd she found enough time to sort through your study and remove a tub of products without your DH noticing.

Yes, keep her right out of your house, for good. You cannot trust her enough to turn your back on her for 10 seconds.

And if you meet up elsewhere, take your handbag with you when you go to the loo!

Can you be certain she hasn't got hold of any of your logins or passwords etc? I would double check any info which was in the study which wasn't actually under lock and key.

Can you get a proper lock fixed onto your door OP - a chubb style lock. Make a big deal of it.

Please don’t tell me she has a key?

Yes, I agree with other posters, complete ban or only have her over while you are present.