My weight and name calling

[Isthisnormalorisitme]

I've posted before. I've come close to leaving but didn't quite manage, I now have some support but just need someone to tell me how wrong this is.
So I am a little over my healthy weight, and would be much more comfortable half a stone lighter.
Partner is constantly on at me about it, asking if I have looked in the mirror at myself, don't I realise I am fat. He has been sending our son texts to tell him to get me fitter and to lose weight.

Lose half a stone.
Then lose the baggage.

LTB

I couldn’t live with someone who taught my children to be aggressive through role modelling.
Is he some sort of Adonis? Tell him to FRO permanently. Nobody needs to live with constant criticism.
Follow the solicitors advice.

He's abusing you and your son. You need to end this abusive marriage before your son turns into his father.

This is so heartbreaking for you and your sone, please find a way to get out

That is very scary, I would imagine there is a lot more abusive things happening in your relationship and household, perhaps some of it is subtle and you think it's normal because it has wore you down so much.

Your son needs to see a therapist immediately to try to undo some of the damage that his been caused.

You don't really have an option but to split up, so it would make far more sense to get your son to therapy now before the split so he can keep seeing one during the aftermath of the split.

Nasty bastard 😡

This is awful OP, truly awful. That man is destroying you and your son. For both your sake's throw him out.

This is horrible. You and your son are being abused and you need to leave asap. My mother was, and still is, incredibly overweight. (Not just half a stone like you.) My parents divorced when I was very young, but my DF is very judgemental and can be quite cruel. He used to make horrible comments about our DM growing up. "Your mother wouldn't be able to sit on that chair. She'd break it". Etc. Etc. My siblings and I only ever felt defensive of our DM, because we were not cowed and abused by our DF. We could see that it was simply bullying which, whilst cruel, didn't affect us, and so we had the courage to ignore or defend as we saw fit. Your son doesn't feel that way, as he is a victim of abuse just like you. Your most important job in the world is protecting your son. You can do that by leaving. Money doesn't matter. You can get benefits or emergency housing etc. You can go without luxuries and your son will still be fine. He won't be if you and he stay with his toxic father.

I have enough in savings to pay for 6 months rent. I am tempted to just pack and go. I mentioned to first solicitor and she said I had to be careful as he might drag his feet over the sale. I am away for a couple of days and DS will be with his dad, they get on better without me there (though no doubt there will be a couple of conversations criticising me)
I also have taped conversations, as I can always tell when it is about to kick off, not that this will really help.

Thank you everyone for your comments, it makes me see how awful it looks from the outside

Don't leave the house! It won't do you any favours in divorce/splitting house proceeds. It's good you have some savings, ensure he can't access them. See a counsellor or something with your son, you'll need professional advice anyway as I bed his dad will say it's you splittng up the family as you can't be bothered to lose weight or some other bullshit.

The damage is already being done to your son. You need to leave, now.

Can you speak to a solicitor? You know you need to leave him

Please for your sake and your sons ....get rid of the partner. It's not healthy and it's not good. My son used to take his temper out on me, because of how my ExH used to treat me. It got worse before it got better. We now have the best freindship, mum/son relationship ever.
Use your couple of days away to speak to WA and IDAS . They will help and support you.
I know it's easy for people to tell you what to do, even harder to do it. But your life a year on will be totally different.
No more arguments,shouting, dreading going home, treading on egg shells, dreading saying or doing something to cause a row. Just imagine life without all that.
Good luck.

Half a stone? Get to fuck. I bet he's got a double chin and a hairy back.

He really is manipulating your DS and if he continues DS will think thats how you treat women when he is older. It must be devastating for you . I have a DS12 and would be heartbroken if he treated me that way. Have you any family who can offer support?

I'd advise you to contact a domestic abuse organisation who will support you with leaving and facilitate you in the best way to do this for both you and your son. I wish you the best of luck x

😳

@23WaterOffADucksCrack
This is precisely what he is already saying to DS

You are raising a young man who will raise his hand to a woman. You must be gutted. Get yourself and your son in therapy immediately.

Your partner's abuse of you has nothing to do with your weight. He will always find something to use to control and degrade and humiliate you. What a disgusting POS he is, getting your son to join in the abuse. Horrifying.

Get some support from trustworthy and sensible friends and family. Do not be embarrassed or let false pride keep you from protecting yourself and your child from further abuse.

Contact Women's Aid.

Seek legal advice. Make a plan with your legal advisor and stick to it.

You need to make it clear to your DS that this is abuse.
That if his dad really loved you he would not abuse you in this way and he would not encourage him to be abusive to you.
He needs to know that his dad doing this to him, is abuse of DS as well.
Half a stone is nothing.
Hell I'm probably about 2 stone overweight but people still fancy me and I look in the mirror and I'm OK with it!
Even if you lost weight it would be something else.
He will continue to move the goal posts.
It's what abusers do.
But get an exit plan in place asap before this impacts your DS any further!!!!!
If you fuckwit partner can't love you for who you are then he can fuck off!!!

I agree with hellsbells I think you should explain to your son people should love people for who they are not how much they weigh...
Then loose losts of weight that idiot husband who should love and respect you.

Jesus Christ what vile fucking thugs. Unpopular opinion but I’d leave them to it.

• @FrivolousPancake*

My DS has listened to so much shouting. He thinks that if I lose weight it will make everything happy. Not his fault.

Well he needs intensive therapy because if he’s doing that at 12 imagine what sort of violent abuser he’ll be by his twenties. Scary stuff, regardless of whose fault it is.