Think my head needs a wobble

[SunshineOverStress]

So I went on 4 dates with someone who I met online, had amazing chemistry, really attracted to each other and bounce off each other etc (we’ve slept together every time we met apart from the last time) . to be honest he hasn’t got a lot going for him without being rude - been in prison, waiting to get his license back, think he might Be involved in dodgy stuff, never been on holiday etc at 28

On our fourth date he asked me to send my location when I was on my way which I did - and then over the course of the night he was being really paranoid saying he put it in an app called waze and it showed me already in an area near him (which I wasn’t!) and he started questioning and accusing me of going out before I met him and if I was seeing someone he knows etc. He then didn’t believe me about me being out for a meal the night before and suggested I’d been quiet and maybe I’d met someone else. He then was accusing and questioning me about me not seeing my friend the day after. He also said if he found out a woman had slept with someone else the night before meeting him he would “pin her down and make her eat dog shit”!! Anyway I eventually left his house although it took a little while for him to unlock his door to let me go because he was getting stressed and wanted to talk to me. He was saying someone had made a fake Instagram profile of him and this is why he was suspicious etc. Even when I left he was texting me random stuff suggesting I was going round someone he knows house. Anyway turns out he was coked up to his eyeballs which I didn’t realise at first (I’m not against this but not if it makes someone act paranoid like that!) he sent loads of messages over the next few days and I eventually blocked him... then he started on Instagram I replied to quite a few then eventually blocked on that too... all quiet until Saturday he messages me off an old Instagram to which I weakly end up replying to! I got sucked in again and started talking he called me and explained it was all the drugs he’d never do it again show me he’s not like that usually and would treat me well etc and to give him one more chance to prove himself cos he really liked me (I also really liked him and feel I’m well over Invested after such a short period of time!)

Why am I even talking to him and considering it? He’s showed me who he is hasn’t he? What is wrong with me? I just really enjoyed the chemistry and connection!

Why am I setting the bar so low?!

Have you blocked him everywhere yet?

It would be preferable to returning here months down the line to post about being trapped in your abusive relationship.

I think you already know that this will all end in tears, and nobody here is going to say "yeah, go for it, he sounds like a catch". He's a controlling, drug taking psycho and you know you need to avoid him like the plague.

Ok first block him everywhere, now.

Secondly you need to work out why you were drawn to someone like this. Attraction to abusive situations often results from unaddressed issues - for example an unstable upbringing or manipulative parent. Do you have a counsellor? I've been here myself so please don't interpret this as condescending. But you need to run, fast, and ensure you don't get into another situation like this.

Fuck me that’s a scary bloke. You need to block on every platform. Take care op

Bloody hell. Keep logging all of this stuff and be prepared to report him for harassment if this carries on. What was he in prison for??

Block him, block him, block him. This man is dangerous.

Christ run for your life. He sounds unpredictable and aggressive and that's a dreadful and dangerous combination.

You would need to be fucking insane to have anything to do with the dangerous mess. For God’s sake run.

I'm only saying this because I would equally say it to a friend I care about and I think you need to hear it.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING

You know this is ridiculous. You've been on four dates and he's got a terrible track record, been possessive, taken coke to the extent he claims it's completely changed his personality, threatened violence, not let you leave when you clearly wanted to...

You have total sight of this situation and can easily stop seeing him as you have no ties at all.

STOP IT!

He's off his tits and you're off your for entertaining it.

You know what’s coming, just more of the same and worse.

You really need to find an answer to why you think having anything to do with that psycho is worth your while.

Block him.

I hope he doesn't know where you live.

You are being bat shit crazy. Block him on everything and run as fast as you can.

He’s actually dangerous not just a bit of a loser
Run away!

Why are you setting the bar so low? You haven't told us about yourself but I assume you aren't a drug-raddled psycho with relationship issues from violent abuse, no money or friends?

You'll end up that way quickly if you stay with him. There are plenty of other men out there. Find one and don't sleep with them until you are confident of their MH, it does trigger feelings of ownership and thus control in certain people.

And if you can't find one give yourself a break and build yourself up a bit. Summer's coming.

Run. Fast.

Yes give your head a wobble.

Yes your bar is set too low.

Run for the fucking hills and stay away from this abusive, drug taking arsehole. To knowingly peruse a relationship with someone who after four dates has displayed this kind of behaviour (paranoid, controlling, accusatory, threatening) is just plain dangerous. It doesn't matter how great the chemistry/attraction is as it isn't worth endangering your own personal safety for.

He is clearly NOT a reformed character. Actions speak louder than words. Protect yourself, block and delete forever.

*pursue

if he found out a woman had slept with someone else the night before meeting him he would “pin her down and make her eat dog shit”

The famous MN saying 'when someone tells you who he is, believe him' pretty much covers it.

The question about your own attraction is a really useful one, once you really have blocked him on all platforms. There is no shame in doing some self development work on yourself, to get to the bottom of this. Would you prefer one to one or do you think you could open up in a group ?

I'd be reporting him to the police for false imprisonment and harassment, not thinking about shagging him again!

The dogshit comment alone is psychopathic.

How are you feeling at the minute? How is life going for you now? Do you have friends etc? What are your boundaries? Is he a distraction? Although a negative one.

Block every type of contact. You know you need to stop this but it's seems your self-esteem/confidence is holding you back? Reflect on your own situation right now, look at your surrounding. You may find the answer.

Why am I even talking to him and considering it?

Christ knows. He sounds awful and potentially very scary.

Please a) Block him on everything b) Speak to someone in real life and c) Take a look at The Freedom Programme and/or consider counselling about why your bar is so low.

Thank you - you’ve all told me what I needed to hear!

I’ve recently come out of a relationship where it turned toxic and he started insulting my looks and things I’m insecure about in arguments. I’ve also always been really insecure although have got slightly better but I’m always worrying and over thinking even though I know I’m being irrational at the time. I guess I myself have exhibited emotionally abusive behaviours in relationships through my own insecurities which I realise and want to fix.

I’ve been in and out of abusive relationships from a really young age and don’t know why I keep attracting this sort of man or if it’s me being insecure which pushes them to it eventually?!

No one would realise how insecure I am as from the outside I’m a very confident woman I have great friends, a busy social life, a lovely family who I’m close to, I keep busy etc. Without being big headed I am attractive , I get male attention whatever I go not short of offers from more decent men etc, I like to think I’ve got a lot going for me And a lot to offer yet I end up picking complete wronguns! I need to break the cycle and I think some PP are right and I would definitely benefit from some sort of therapy to get down to the bottom of my crazy issues. In the mean time I’ve deleted my POF account, ordered a few books on self esteem and insecurity and that Lundy Bancroft book and going to block him on every form and work on myself for a bit.

I’d also look into the Freedom Programme. You can do it online for a small fee. It may help you identify why you keep going for this type of man and start to reset your boundaries and expectations.

I was also going to strongly recommend the freedom programme along with some decent therapy. You need to just focus of valuing and loving yourself some more.