Cheating partner

[courts1704]

Hi all,

So I found out on Christmas Eve that my partner has been cheating on me. He met someone online and took her on two dates, and kissed her. Also found out he booked a hotel to take her to London for the day however it didn't go ahead because I found out about her. He said he loves me but feels like he wants to see other people, and when I asked him if he liked her and wanted to see her again he said he wasn't sure. So I left and moved back to my mums, and a few days later he rang me begging me to come home. I am totally in love with this guy, and couldn't see my life without him so Stupidly went back. BTW this isn't the first time he has done this, he has cheated before but nothing like this.

Anyway a few days again I found out I'm pregnant with his baby, and he was really happy about it. But I can't stop thinking about what he's done to me, and I am still heart broken about it. Every time I look at him my heart just breaks all over again thinking about how he could do the to me. I love him to bits and thinking about him with another woman kills me, and I don't know if I can ever forgive him.

I feel like such a mug for running back, and giving him yet another chance. In my heart I know he will do it again and I don't think I'll ever forgive him, but now I'm pregnant I don't know what to do!

Any advice?

He’s cheated twice.
You know he’ll do it again.
You already know what to do.
There’s a thread running right now which may give you the confidence to leave:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3805890-Split-up-after-having-a-baby-how-many-of-you-has-it-happened-to

Dump him, go back to your mum, decide if you want to be a single mum or not, and get on with your life.

He will do it again. He can be a father without being your partner. Please don’t complicate your life by staying with him. He WONT change. You don’t need this stress in your pregnancy and you definitely don’t need it with a child.

I don't think there's a happy ever after in this situation. Make a proper break and decide what you want to do about the baby. He'll do this again.

I’m sorry, OP, but he is a serial cheat. He won’t change. If you stay, be prepared for a life of anxiety and regular STI tests.

You need to be strong....very strong...and leave this piece of shit
He will do it again and again .... because he wants to AND you allow him to.

This will get worse when the baby is born trust me
Get rid....go back to your mums if possible and get ready for your baby, who needs a strong mother and good role models in life
This is your child.
Forget this prick

Do you feel a sense of love and connection to the baby, or a sense of gathering dread? How does the thought of a child feel - your child, a real person?

I'm asking that because many women, myself included, have terminations in circumstances like these. My head said terminate, my heart said keep it. I was a mess for a long time afterwards.

The point of mentioning this is to emphasize that the main decision here is about you as an individual and the possible baby. The cheating twat is pretty much irrelevant here. Focus on you, what kind of life you want, and how you can come to terms with either a termination or life as a single mum.

I am not considering abortion at all, I'm deffo keeping the baby.

I know I need to leave him, I know it's the right thing to do, I just can't bring myself to actually do it. I just keep thinking that maybe he will change and we can make it work. I keep saying 'one more chance' in my head but there's only so many I can give.

The problem is that the more chances you give him, the less incentive there is for him to change because he knows what he can get away with. He doesn’t respect you and by giving him more chances you are not respecting yourself. Bring a baby into the mix and it’s just going to be a disaster.

It’s easier for you to create a life, separate from him, for you and your unborn child now than it will be when the baby’s born. I really wish I’d taken this advice myself when I was pregnant. DD’s dad wasn’t cheating, but he wasn’t a good person and started to show his true colours when I was pregnant. I’m a ‘fixer’ and tried to make it work and gave him chances and the relationship was a million times worse with the stress of a new baby. We limped along until she was 1.5 before I finally came to my senses and by that point I was relying on him for help with childcare, we were both tied into a rental contract and it was a shock to go from having someone there to help out with DD to doing it all alone and it was just a mess. If I could go back, I would have made a clean break in my early pregnancy and got myself sorted for a life with just me and DD.

So sorry you're going through this. How can he do this to you if he truly loves you? I agree, he will do it again. The only way he might learn is if you walk away. This might be his wake up call. You might walk away and decide you don't want to go back. Your priorities will change when your baby's here I promise. Mine did. Be strong, walk away (even just for now) and surround yourself with your friends x

The writing was on the wall, but you decided to go back and are now bringing a new life into the world.

The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

Good luck to you.

It is so hard to make the decision to end it. Would you want any relativesa or future children to put up with this type of behaviour? Work on your own self esteem, you are worthy more than this Manchild. A baby is a test of any relationship. Is there any one in real life you can confide in?

I'd this really the best you think you can do for yourself?

Unless your self esteem is at total rock bottom I can't fathom why you would accept this as the best you can get.

The thing is I will have to move to a different city. And I feel guilty (I know I shouldn't) for taking his child so far away.

@courts1704
Move to the different city.
Don’t feel guilty. He should feel guilty.

You need to move. He chose to cheat and must deal with the consequences. You need to provide a stable home for you and your child, and you cannot do this while living with a man who repeatedly cheats.

Speaking from experience if he's done it twice he will do it again. How many chances do you give someone?

Cheaters are a bit like a dog that bites. Once may be due to completely unique circumstances that won’t likely happen again. But if it’s already happened twice - you’re being irresponsible to let him anywhere near anyone precious to you - including yourself!

Fast forward to a few months /years. Baby is here and taking up your time. You can't go out as much as you used to, so he goes out. Will you trust him ?
Also what happens when you find out he has been with someone ( and sounds like he will ) You will have to be upset in front of your child and he will be disrespect ing both of you. Do you want your child to see / experience this ?

People who do this don't stop doing it. My sisters husband cheated on her throughout her whole relationship, 3 children and 15yrs. She thought he had stopped after the initialy taking him back (before kids and marriage) he never did.
He's turned her whole world upside down 😔

The thing is I will have to move to a different city. And I feel guilty (I know I shouldn't) for taking his child so far away

Been there done that. Best decision I ever made!

You aren't responsible for the concequences if other peoples piss poor behaviour op so get that shite out of your head.

If you don't leave this thing he will mug you off for the rest of your life. He's far more interested in whatever random hole he can find than his offspring for starters!