Will I hear from him after our first date? *AIBU*

[shakiwulub9]

AIBU

Hi everyone!
Needing some advice before I drive myself mad...

I'll try and make the long story as short as possible! I had a crush on a guy at work for about 2 years, he was friendly to me and we would chat but he had a girlfriend so of course I respected that and we were purely friendly colleagues.

In chatting to him more over the course of 2019 he dropped into conversation that he is no longer with his GF (this was back in April/May 2019) and suggested going for a drink together some time. Life got busy, I was unwell and had some time off work, so we reconnected again in December just gone where I suggested to him "going for that drink that we never got round to" ... He said yes, and HE planned the location, the date and the time. (We went for a couple of drinks on Friday evening)

We had a really good time together, there was never an awkward silence, lots of laughter - the bar staff pretty much had to ask us to leave so that they could close! We then went for a walk together before heading back to my car where he told me he'd had fun with me, that he found it really good to be able to get to know me better outside of work, and he came in for a kiss which in all honesty took my breath away. For a first kiss, it was amazing!

However - I haven't heard from him since. It was pretty much early hours of Saturday morning when we left each other, so I know it's barely been 24 hours. I also know he worked yesterday afternoon and is on shift for 12 hours today (he works for the Ambulance Service) so he is busy.

The last thing he said to me was "I'll see you on Monday" with a little goodbye kiss (our shifts will cross over on Monday), but I am now going mad, checking my phone ALL THE TIME, acting like a teenager over this man. (**only in my head, not irl - I know it's important to play it cool!)

In my head, I admit that I am waiting for HIM to make the first contact post-date - I feel like because the "date" was MY suggestion, if he was truly interested in me he would be happy to reach out for Date #2. However, he was the one who did the bulk of the planning for this date, so he may be feeling the same about me ??

I know it is very old fashioned and out-dated for me to be "waiting for the man to make contact", and I appreciate it's only been just over 24 hours since we left each other, but I just wondered what you all make of this??? Does he sound interested? Playing games? Neither of the above??

Thanks all x

Would you normally text each other?

@DearHappy To be honest, no not really... we only really texted to plan the details of the date, and even that was with periods of time passing between each message. Sometimes we will have little conversations here and there, but it has NEVER been a constant of "backwards and forwards" contact

Pretty sure if he snogged your face off he’s interested

Pressed too soon!

Don’t worry too much about the texting, doesn’t mean much really, especially if you haven’t had that tennis contact. Actions speak louder than words and all that.

You'll here from him Monday when you see him. He quite literally said that.

hear not here.

I know it's barely been 24 hours. I also know he worked yesterday afternoon and is on shift for 12 hours today (he works for the Ambulance Service) so he is busy.

Doesn't sound like he's had much opportunity to contact you since your date!

So in that 24 hours he'll have slept after leaving you (8 hours or so), had a shift (work that as another 8 hours minimum, so 16 hours covered so far), slept again, eaten and prepared for a 12 hour shift. And no history of constant texting. Give the guy a break. And give your panicking brain a break.

He's been working and sleeping and probably doing all the other house related life crap we all have to do.

I'd only worry if I was blanked at work. He may be thinking "play it cool, don't want to scare her off" too

“I’ll see you on Monday”

Tomorrow! Hang tight and see what happens x

Thank you all so much! I know, my rational mind tells me I'm overreacting a bit, too!

Last night I put a picture of my puppy on Instagram and he was the first person to "like" it (within a whole 6 seconds of it being uploaded to be exact! Haha) so I'm guessing he wouldn't have done this if he wanted to forget everything about me and distance himself..!?

He definitely seems interested

He's snogged you and liked a cute photo instantly, he's super keen but doesn't want to smoother you either.

Why not send a "had a lovely evening, be fun to meet up another evening out of work?"

It shows interest, but leaves space for him to organise to show his interest?

I think hold tight, wait to see him tomorrow. He already set your expectations on that- he said he would speak to you monday. Maybe he knew he was going to be really busy, hence why he was letting you know. He planned the date, he went in for the kiss, he has arranged to speak to you tomorrow.....he's interested! please come back and update how it goes tomorrow though. Love a bit of romance!

He liked OPs photo though, so a brief text won't hurt?

Thank you all so much! What a lovely thread of encouragement and positivity this is

@chocmallows - a brief text from me, or from him?
I am toying with the idea of sending him a brief message tonight, along the lines of "Hope you've had a good weekend/hope work has gone well", just to break the ice before seeing each other at work tomorrow. I don't want to come across as needy, although it'll be the first contact I've made with him since Friday night, so I haven't exactly been overdoing it!

update I'm thinking of sending him something tonight along the lines of:

"It was really nice to see you the other evening! Let me know if you want to do something together again sometime soon?
Hope you've had a nice weekend and haven't been working too hard 😉 x"

(He always teases me about not working hard enough, because whenever he sees me at work I'm usually chatting away and having a bit of a social So this would be our usual tone of message)

I wouldn't personally. I would hang fire, and see how tomorrow pans out.

Do you know you will definitely see him tomorrow? I think that text sounds good actually. Or you might both be standing there tomorrow not knowing what's happening and presumably you'll have to be a bit professional if you're at work so you dont want him to confuse professional with not interested?

Without sounding harsh, are you going to be able to switch off without sending him a quick text?
Send something super casual as has already been suggested and stop thinking/worrying about it!

He said he’d see you on Monday, so he’s probably just waiting until Monday like he said he would! Nothing to suggest he’s not interested.

@cakeandcustard123 We will at least be in the same room together tomorrow, but it's a pretty big one (being a Control Room!) and he sits at the complete other end of it from where my desk is. We don't work directly with/next to each other, but enough to be in each other's presence.
I just feel like sending this message will give me an idea one way or another about how he's feeling, rather than (as you say) going into work tomorrow and both of us a) not knowing how the other is feeling and b) being limited by Professionalism either way!

Plus - he has at least "liked" my Instagram picture (I know it's a tiny gesture) but on my part I haven't made any form of communication and I'm thinking/hoping he would quite like to see my name pop up with a text?

The joys of dating in this day in age...!!!

Just send him a brief text.

If that scares him off after a lovely date, 2 days and a puppy like - then he's rubbish anyway and best know now. Right? 😉

Don't message him. He's already said he will see you tomorrow.

He is in to you, that is clear. Now don't go all loony and keep your shit together.

I didn't chase DH. I let him do the chasing. It's not old fashioned it's basic psychology to keep them wanting more, at least at this early stage

I think it depends on the person and if you don't mind his way of doing things. Sounds like you need someone who might give you a bit more and be open. I would feel the same after a date and I probably need reassurance.
After my first date with my now husband he messaged me once I got home to ask if I was ok and then messaged at 8am the next day to say good morning and arrange another date. It showed me he was keen and thinking of me. Why would you want to bother with someone who isn't making you priority? I don't think this guy is.
Personally I wouldn't be happy if I really liked someone and the small gestures aren't there, I think it's a reflection of how things will pan out.
I bet he's in to you and likes you BUT it feels like you actually would like more .he might not be open to telling you.sounds hardwork.