Ghosted by a friend for no apparent reason

[Phoenixxx]

It's a gay male friend I have known for around 5 year, he's very laid back, easy going and friendly. We used to speak every 2 weeks on average and met every month, sometimes every couple of weeks. He would see other friends a few times a week, he loves going out, but i'm more introverted.
Anyway I was meant to see him about 10 days ago. He had invited me to another friend's house for a meal that night, I asked him to let me know what time etc. And he said he would.
He never got back to me, and the next day I asked if it had gone ahead after all, no reply.
Messaged again 2 days later, no reply.
Sent a final message 3 days ago saying I was a bit confused and was everything ok, had I done something to upset him,no reply.

I think he's blocked my messages on Facebook because he is still appearing as online, messages just arent being read or delivered.

Very confused. I've literally always got on well, don't think i've ever offended him and after 5 years you would think he wouldn't just do this to me if I had.

We weren't even that close so I don't think he decided I was too much or clingy etc. Literally no idea what's happened and hurt.

A female friend did it to me a month ago, she didn't ghost she just started writing very short replies, didn't message unless I did first and just made it clear she wasn't interested anymore, so I deleted her. I didn't 'do' anything to her either, just different personalities and I think she just found me annoying. She also told me she 'didn't know me very well' despite speaking daily and meeting up for a year.

Hmm. Is someone else going round spreading untruths about you?

I can't think of anyone who would or who would want to do that. I also only have 1-2 friends in common with this guy who now live abroad, maybe he's just decided he doesn't care that much anymore, which is sad but people do.

Anyone else please ?

I don't think anyone can tell you except him.

Does the other friend who did it know this friend?

No they have never met ! It's just bizarre and hurtful, but I think maybe hes just decided he doesnt care that much and can't be bothered, sadly.

Similarr happened to me as explained by Phoenixxx. The female friend I had been very close to and was/is the god mother of my daughter, started to back off from our friendship.

I was initially confused and then quite upset for a long time. She would not initiate contact anymore. Would reply with brief messages only. She would say she wasn’t sure about meeting me and then check in somewhere exciting with her other friend on Facebook!

Eventually I got the message loud and clear and stopped contacting her at all. I bumped into her years later and it was awkward. I think she’d simply moved on from our friendship to new ones that were more exciting. I think she’s probably very selfish at heart. Interestingly her husband contacted my husband recently, telling him they’d split up over 3 years ago. So I think she has form for getting bored and moving on. Hopefully she wouldn’t do that to her children though!

I think your friend sounds similar to my one. If I were you I’d invest time & energy with other friends. Cultivate other friendships. And maybe keep yourself busy with a new hobby or interest. Ignore what he has done to you from now on.

I know how you feel. It’s bewildering, so hurtful and takes ages to process.

Similar happened to me. It’s very hurtful and confusing. I’m afraid you just have to move on

This happened to me when my male (gay) best friend disappeared of the face of the earth just as I had my first child. Having got back in touch years later he pretended as if nothing had happened and made it clear by disinterest that I wasn't important, I had been a friend to party with that's all. Have you had a big life.change he doesn't fit with?

People like this are exhausting... literally a drain on your brain OP.. block them and forget about their cringing game playing.. they don't deserve your energy.

Agree, I wasted so many years thinking about my old mate. Don't bother!

Thank you. Just sick of people really. I have a couple of close friends and i'm scared of them doing the same, i've blocked the female friend and started to forget about her, but i'm so shocked about this guy after 5 years.
I feel like many people screw you over at some point, how are you supposed to trust anyone ?

Well you have to take the risk and still trust people.

This happened to me too. I was so shocked and embarrassed that I had not realized before and was still texting, tryk g to arrange meeting up.

You will never get any answers from this chap. Well, not honest ones anyway. Actually I know why my ex friend ghosted me - we weren't wealthy enough for her.

It's so hurtful - you're right there and it's very hard to move on when you have no reason as to what you d done wrong.

However, the people who do this have form for it. So watch out the friend who ghosted me used to slag off another friend of hers who would always have her round for dinner etc. She dumped her too.

So I'm afraid this one is just a matter of chalking it up to experience and knowing that it is their own inadequacies that have led them to behave like this.

Could he have a new chap who is perhaps jealous of you, and has either encouraged him to disconnect or gone in and blocked you himself? It does seem very odd to have binned you off after being such a good friend for so long.

Maybe he's just going through something and is flying under the radar generally

Sometimes there seems to be no reason why this happens ,but it does seem to happen a lot! Agree with PP has he got a new BF who may not be happy about you do you think?

Have you tried speaking to him rather than messaging?

This happened to me years ago . She was a good friend we worked together she's even my dd godmother. Anyway she started going distant on me as the company we worked for was making redundancy's which I took she didn't . So when I left she came for leaving drinks and I've never seen or heard from her since .
It was like now I'm no longer convenient to her . In hindsight she had other friends that she'd drop after a while . It's like some people think they only need so many friends or they get bored of people . There are probably many reasons I'd just let it go it's their problem.

Could something have happened to him that day?

I can be very poor at replying to messages when I'm anxious or overwhelmed, e.g. if I'd had extremely bad news I wouldn't know where to start explaining it, I'd feel guilty for letting friends down by not meeting up, I'd then feel guilty about not texting, and the whole thing would cause me heart pounding anxiety which would lead to decision making paralysis.

I might still be online though.

I've been in both positions, the person ghosted (ex boyfriend) and the person doing the ghosting. I do think ghosting is very cowardly and was ashamed I'd done it myself but at the time I was going through a lot, mildly depressed and didn't want contact with anyone. As for the ex..... he just wanted to end things but easy worried to say anything (idiot!!! Lol)
Hopefully whatever is on your friends mind will clear soon and he'll get back to you, be easy on him until he proves he was just being an idiot.

Thank you, I know I do need to just get on with it and try to move on. As far as I know he's single, but I can't imagine any bf being jealous of me as I don't even see him that often, he has other friends who he goes out with several times per week.
It's possible something happened to him and maybe he will get in touch to explain, but for now i'm going to say it's his problem as I've done nothing.

This is currently happening to me. Friend for 20+ years, she moved 10 years ago, but we hosted her and DH at our holiday house and home.
Her only contact now is a card at Christmas.
It’s taken a while for me to realise, as I’ve sent presents for Christmas and birthday, she ignores my birthday. So I’m done.
On reflection I realise that over the years of our close friendship it was me that supported her and gave the most.
I’m now quite wary of friendship.

I can’t believe you would block and delete a friend just because her messages started to become brief! Maybe she was going through something in her personal life or work etc. It sounds like you’re not someone willing to put in the effort when it comes to friendships or accept that sometimes there will be times where communication levels dip or where people take a step back for various reasons but that shouldn’t be a reason to throw the friendship away completely. I would be upset and offended if a friend just blocked and deleted me without even checking whether things were okay but if you’re the sort of person to do that I don’t have sympathy that you’ve now been ghosted by somebody else. It sounds like you’re very high maintenance and have very high expectations when it comes to your friends and also that you’re quite self-centred and not able to consider that something could be happening in a friend’s personal life. It also shows you don’t have very good views of your friends if you just assume they’ve ghosted you, do you even respect your friend or think he’s a good person? Any good and empathetic friend would look to check in that their friend and offer them a listening ear if a friend suddenly seemed to be acting quieter/ more distant than usual before blocking them or assuming they’d been ghosted etc. Have you actually asked your friend if everything’s okay with him or just gone in all ‘me me me’ asking for attention and why he’s ignoring you and wanting reassurance you haven’t done anything rather than offering him help and support in case he’s going through a bad time?

Honestly, it sounds like you need to try and consider what could be happening from your friends points of view and instead of immediately thinking the worst of your friends (Eg: they’ve ghosted you) or coming at it from a self-centred point of view (why are you ignoring ME!?) try and consider that something might be happening with them and that maybe you could offer kindness and support instead of inundating then with stressful messages.

Well thanks for your essay about how i'm high maintenance and all the other crap you've accused me of. I have asked my friend if he's ok more than once and no reply, nothing else I can do now.

I blocked my friend because she's done it before and she made a few harsh comments to me about other stuff.

But nice to know i'm self-centered, high maintenance, me me me, lacking empathy, think my friends are bad people, don't respect them. Who are you to throw all that at me ?

To the other PP i don't have his phone number sadly, I really hope he's alright but he seems to have blocked me on messenger, maybe he will get back in touch but got to forget him for now.