So I'll try to keep this short as I could go on and on and give more and more details but I'm also going to give each persons point of view (although I don't get his) and I would love a honest opinion as I think I'm going crazy ?!
So 7 years we've been together I met him when I was 6 months pregnant with my eldest we got together a few months after I gave birth and we had a child 2 years ago last year he also adopted my eldest officially. Before I had my 2 year old I worked part time but after I had her I didn't work because she was born early and had a few medical problems for the first 1 year (surgeries, appointments, hospital stays) I didn't feel right going back to work at that time and my partner supported us mainly but I did do a few jobs from home. Anyway, like i said she is now 2 and the past year has been great for her medically she's started to catch up to other kids and the appointments are not as often, she has a great relationship with her nans and aunties and they often take both my kids out for days out etc.. she also gets free hours at a nursery now so she goes to a nursery which can deal with her medical conditions if they needed to during day. She's very happy there and my sister also works there so I'm very comfortable with her being there for a few hours a week.
So in September I decided to go to university part time 2 days a week 9-2 to study for my dream job. It's going to take me about 5/6 years as I'm doing it part time and it can be intense but I wanted to do it for me and my family.
So I've been at university for around 5 months now and today we all had to be up and get ready for university/work/school/nursery. My partner was looking like he was about to leave the house when the kids were still eating breakfast and he was meant to be taking our youngest to nursery as it's directly on his route and I would take our eldest (it wasn't exactly on my route but I left a little earlier so I could be at university for 9am and my eldest goes into a before school club). So I asked him what he was doing because our youngest wasn't ready to leave yet and it wasn't later than he has been usually leaving with her. He looked very angry and agitated and started to shout at me saying how he is doing me a favour by taking our child to nursery because I'm at university he is late for work everyday, taking her in is making him late because I'm at university....
I just kind of ignored him at that point as I don't do confrontation Infront of my kids I'd rather let it slide and discuss this later. I ended up telling him to go to work and not to worry and I took them both in and it made me 45 mins late for university.
So tonight I brought up his rage and what he said. I said how is you taking your daughter to nursery doing me a favour ? She's my responsibility alone ? Do we not share parental rights? And isn't parenting meant to be 50/50 and whatever we do we do it for us and for our family and to help each other out? Did I do you a favour all those times i had the kids? Like what ?! How is me being at university making you late for work? If you feel like that why are you not leaving earlier with her ? I'm not stopping you from leaving till a certain time your free to leave earlier ..?
His response being, yes he sees him taking our daughter to nursery as him helping me out because he could be like my eldest biological dad so I should be appreciative, he said yes the kids are more my responsibility than his, he doesn't see me as doing him a favour when I watch the kids because I'm there mom (which is 100% CORRECT I just wanted to see what he would say), because I have decided to have a career it's messed everything up and quite frankly he couldn't give me an answer to the "why are you not leaving earlier" question but I knew the answer anyway it's because he wants to sleep in for as long as possible.
I'm gobsmacked by what he's said to me tonight .. I know as a mother me and the kids will have a different relationship than their relationship with there dad but I never Thought he would see them as only my responsibility and whenever he watches them he's doing me a favour ! I had to get him to repeat what he said because I was in absolute shock that total bs was coming from his mouth. Like who are you??? In the end I told him I'm completely fine with the only parent responsible for them as they are my children I mean Ofcourse ! But we are going to have to end us because i cannot be with such a old fashioned person who thinks in such an ancient manner !
He's packed his bags and hes left. No look back I didn't see his emotions change and he's now been gone a while without even a word.
I admit I have done everything for the kids but I didn't see it as he won't do anything for the kids and I've got to do it all. I'm just attentive i can hear a pin drop and I don't sleep long and I never have. Night feeds were all me because I breastfed which I loved doing, I cook all main meals because I like to cook fresh food from scratch and he cannot cook but again I enjoy it, I wash our clothes and clean the house because I like the way I do things. I love more than anything being a mother and I love taking care of people I love and my home ! I have never moaned about him not helping because I didn't see it like that I wanted to do it. And don't get me wrong he did sit up with me through night feeds sometimes and he has changed nappies, bathed the kids, got them dressed and etc and he's will always be there for them as a dad.
I'm just a little overwhelmed as you can imagine and I don't want to make a stupid decision but at the same time I cannot and will never be ok with that way of thinking towards me and women in general...
THOUGHTS ???