Is it acceptable to set up dates with more than one man?

[pilks]

I'm doing the OLD and having done some filtering I've been asked out by 3 men, should I accept them all and see which seems the best or is that just greedy ?

Of course it’s fine. It’s sensible. You’re meeting three strangers who may or may not be anything like their online personas and photographs, to see if you like each other. Until you know they’re a) real and b) people you might actually want to date, it’s all meaningless.

As long as you're open about the fact that you are seeing other people it's fine. Just be aware of what you would be comfortable with in return.

As long as you're open about the fact that you are seeing other people it's fine.

I disagree. I actually think that if, on or before a first date (or even a second), a man asks if you’re going on a date with anyone else or expects that you shouldn’t be - it’s a red flag. See above “meeting a stranger” - no stranger has any right to expect that you invest emotionally in them or cut off all your other options for the privilege of a date with them.

Of course.
It's the sensible thing to do without a doubt.
You may not like any of them.
Do some homework and arrange to meet up.
In public - coffee or soft drinks or a walk etc....
Enjoy it!

Hell yes!

If you're shoe shopping do you only try on one pair and if they dont fit, go home?!

And I agree that its no one's business but yours who you are dating. If you find that you really like one in particular and have the "exclusive" conversation then ok, stop dating other people, but until then you can see who you like, when you like.

Yes. It's acceptable and standard. No need to discuss until you get to the point of wanting to be exclusive.

Yes; it's blind dates, more like an interview to see if you want an actual date.

Make sure you don't fall into the trap of selecting the best one of these three, when you might not have selected any of them if you'd seen them separately.

Saw the first one last night he's lovely and I definitely want to see him again, should I still see the others?

Do you want to ?

It's your decision

Yes, I would still see the others. If you are new to OLD you can sometimes get swept away with the promise of romance but it might not get reciprocated. It won’t do any harm meeting the others, you may find you like someone better or will make you realise your first one was right for you. Don’t ever put all your eggs in one basket with OLD as I guarantee you the man will be multi dating too. Good luck though.

Seems to be the done thing, however if I went on a first date, really liked them and we both decided we'd like further dates I wouldn't go on dates with others exclusive conversation or not. It would feel disrespectful to me.

But then I'm a man, would be unlikely to get multiple offers and I'm not dating anyway.

God I feel old sometimes

Of course. Rotational dating is very important. When I was dating I only had one night a week free so I used to have a drink at 6:30 with one guy and then another at 8ish. Treat them as quick meet and greet (1-2 hours max) and if you like the look of one and he asks you again see him again for the following week and he can have a bit longer. Modern Dating is a numbers game

@Surplus2requirements of course you're a man so the idea of women playing the field in any way is very uncomfortable isn't it?
If a man wants exclusivity he can put a ring on it as far as I'm concerned

@pilks yes you see the others

Yes, I had 50+ dates when single, most went nowhere. I had 5 lined up over 4 days at one point as my DC away with their dad (exH) and it fitted in for quick coffee dates. I went to two places, but wondered if the staff may start to recognise me. They didn't, or didn't say anything. One day I drove from one date straight to another. First dates are like interviews.

My personal rule was that if I felt a connection and things were moving towards intimacy I would focus on one. That generally happened at date 3-4 so not that long. I let the other men know that I was no longer dating as talking with one person. Most appreciated the honesty.

Try to meet as many of the ones you like to chat to as you can, rather than investing in one person. On date 2 with the one you like he may reveal something that's a deal breaker for you.

@justlockthedoor I said I was uncomfortable playing the field. How others date is up to them.

I don't know, if I liked someone enough to want to se them again then in wouldn't be interested in going on other dates either. But then I'm also not dating and I think online dating is awful.

@Surplus2requirements When I was doing OLD, I expected the men to have other dates, too, and found it normal, not disrespectful, as we literally didn't know each other at all. Nice that you want to be polite, obviously, but if you're in the other position, it would be a shame if you felt disrespected by a woman multiple blind dating. Maybe OLD/blind dating is not your thing?

I'd go on the other dates, though in my experience, once one particular one seems interesting, the other dates feel a bit pointless - more like confirmation that the other one is more your type.

My widowed MiL is an active OLD (in her 80s).

She wouldn't dream of just meeting up with one chap. She dates several at the same time until she's established a steady and that becomes a LTR (unless life intervenes and a possible becomes ill/dies).

She's very clear-eyed about what she wants. A lot of people are in that age group, it seems, as they really feel that they want to make the most of whatever time is left to them.

Keep your options open

@ravenmum as I said I was only expressing how I feel not how I think others should feel.

I wouldn't expect a woman I was interested in to be exclusive for a 2nd date but I'd feel uncomfortable seeing other women inbetween. I wouldn't feel disrespected if they did.

It's not because I'm a man it's just because I'm me.

My answer is mostly based on the OP's 2nd post, she definitely wants to see him again.

Thinking about it they don't say whether a 2nd date has been arranged or what's been said since, if anything. That could change things, the 2nd date might not happen at all.

I get that 1st dates on OLD are blind but a 2nd is a 'proper' date, in my head anyway and I'd feel as though I was being disrespectful asking someone on a proper date and then meeting up with a few other 'blinds' inbetween.

Again I'm not judging how others feel or putting my expectations on anyone else.

@Surplus2requirements You wrote that while I was still writing my post. I understand that that's your way of seeing it - just pointing out that if you connect multiple dating to a lack of respect (in your own head), then maybe you'd be better off in a less hectic dating environment where people don't do that anyway. The people I know who don't like that aspect of OLD don't do OLD.

Its not disrespectful. The PP who likened OLD to shoe-shopping is the most right. Just go, meet these men and see how you feel. You might not want to continue with some or all of them, they might not want to continue seeing you. Just go and have fun meeting new people.

I made some nice friends OLD. They didnt turn into long-term relationships, but they are still friends to chat to, and one of them fixed my roof. What have you got to lose?