Fiance changed password on phone...

[worrywart2003]

Hello,

I noticed last week that my OH has changed the passcode on his phone and it's been playing on my mind ever since. We often use each others phones and we were listening to music on his stream when I picked it up to change. The passcode didn't work and I passed it to him for his thumbprint.

I didn't really think much of it at the time but the next day I keyed in the number ( to see if I'd gotten it wrong) and it has been changed.

Now, I know that there is no need to have it and it may all be innocent but I can't figure it.

Any advice? Should I just chill the FO?!

Ask him for the new code and if he says no ask why

Well hang on, do you need to check his phone? My DH and I don't know each others passcodes, personally I think it's a bit weird to feel the need to have complete access to each others' lives. I'm certainly not up to anything but like to keep my passcode to myself!

"my DH is pestering me for access to my phone. I've changed the passcode - he wants to know why and is insisting I tell him. He's even started a thread on Pistonheads with the clear implication I'm cheating"

-the responses would be red flags, controlling, run while you can etc.

Have a good think OP.

Seems like there must be more to this. Why don't you trust him? has he done anything else to make you suspicious?

I don't even know my OH passcode. He's knows mine because I'm lazy as hell and would rather him just read me a message if my phone is by him 😂

But I can see why you would be concerned being as you've known eachothers passcodes with no issues. I would ask him if something happened for him to change it.

I agree this is bollox. Why should you have access to his phone?!?

In MN if the guy locks his phone he's cheating, it's a red flag, run.

If the guy wants the woman's passcode he's controlling, red flag, run.

The double standards on here are staggering. And so many are so confused when their other half checks out of the relationship...

You don't win each other FFS!!

*own

I'm not saying I check his 'phone. Never have and have no plans to. We use each other's phones often and know each other's passwords, I guess just by default.
I wondered why it had changed.

Because he wanted it to I guess. It's good security practice to regularly update / change passwords and the fewer people who know the better.

fair enough, feels like I've got it unecessarily logged in my mind as something to worry about so I'll remove this thought process and move on...

OP iPhones prompt you to change your code every so often. You have to change it when the prompt appears and as far as I know it has to be a new code rather than the same again.

iPhones prompt you to change your code every so often. You have to change it when the prompt appears

I have never had to do this with any of mine.

But, I do change my passcode regularly. It's not a big deal. I wouldn't notice if DH changed his though, is there any reason you are watching him using his phone?

Mine does and it’s more than once a year!

It's not supposed to do that - is your software up to date?

No idea but I know it is a feature as it’s happened with friends iPhones too

My phones never asked me to change the passcode but just ask him for the new one next time you want to use his phone. You'll know if he's hiding anything if he refuses to give it you.

My dp doesn't know mine, no secretive reason, just it's my phone. Don't read too much into it

iPhones don't prompt you to change your password

No idea but I know it is a feature as it’s happened with friends iPhones too

Check your software. It's not a feature.

I don’t need to change my personal iPhone. But I do need to change the work iPhone. Might be added security or different models.

OP just ask him and if you can’t bring yourself to do it, consider why you are trusting him with the rest of your life.

Just ask him

An open honest relationship where you have absolutely nothing to hide includes access to each others phones if needed. Why not ?

Next time you use it just ask him for the code. If he gives it, no problem. If he doesn't (or he changes it again after giving you the code) then he obviously doesn't want you to be able to see what's on his phone, which is rarely good news, especially all of a sudden when it hasn't been a problem previously.

Have u been cheated on before? If so it would be the reason you are feeling a bit nervy about this. I’ve been cheated on and I would be asking myself a thousand questions a minute! My partner recently put a password on his phone and even though he put it in in front of me one time he was using it (clearly nothing to hide) I was thinking he’s up to something! Ridiculous I know. Just shut that annoying voice up and realise it probably your own thoughts attacking you, nothing else. If he hasn’t changed in himself and the way he is towards you don’t overthink it.

I mean shut the annoying voice in your head up! I’m not being rude!!

My iPhones have never asked me to update the passcode.

FWIW OP. I would be suspicious too.
All very well others saying they don’t know their partners code but this is a change from what has been normal for your relationship. Therefore, it’s worth logging in your head