Is the most important thing in life personal happiness? Or is it your relationship?

[Fochit]

Following on from a conversation with DH.
I’m just wondering what people’s thoughts are on this.

Thanks

I think it is both, you need to be happy in yourself and ideally in a happy relationship.
I bad relationship would make you unhappy surely?

The question feels like a trap.

The two should be aligned. A relationship should bring value and good things to your life, it should bring happiness.

If one person's happiness comes constantly at the expense of their partner, then it's a bad relationship and needs to change or end.

If your relationship is affecting your happiness you get out, I think.

I'd prioritise personal happiness.

The two go hand in hand for me.I don't think you can have personal happiness without a good relationship if you're in one. (I don't mean that you can't have personal happiness unless you're in a relationship).

As pps have said, you can't have one without the other.
If you're unhappy in yourself, your marriage/relationship would suffer. Equally so, if your marriage/relationship is unhappy, your personal happiness would suffer.

Of course you can have one without the other - you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy.

My children are the most important things in my life. I don't expect to be happy, content is more my goal. Happiness is an illusion and the pursuit of it is what makes such vast numbers of people dissatisfied/stressed/depressed. That's my take on it, as influenced by the great philosopher Eeyore.

Personal happiness is more important. A good relationship is a bonus if you have one but you can be happy without one.

If your relationship is making you unhappy you’d be better off without it.

I agree that contentment is more important than ‘happiness’, but that doesn’t mean you should stick with an unhappy relationship. I say this, though, as a single and fairly content person for whom the idea of being stuck in a bad relationship is up there with the worst nightmare scenarios.

It’s an odd question, surely. A relationship, if you’re in one, is supposed to add to your happiness, otherwise why be in it? Is your DH suggesting something?

Personal happiness wins every time. If a relationship is making you less happy, get the hell out.

Of course one can be happy not in a relationship. But if you are in a relationship, compromise is necessary. If the pursuit of personal happiness is at the expense of the relationship then there's something not right.

Personal happiness.

If you are in a relationship that should bring you both happiness. If it doesn't then change it or leave.

But you don't need a relationship to be happy.

Personal happiness...
Because if you are happy, you can spread hapiness. That includes your relationships with others.

I think as previous posters have said, it depends on what "happiness" means to you. Some people convince them they need all sorts of things, often material or success-based, to be happy. Chasing this kind of happiness could massively impact on a relationship. For example, many men (and some women) have hobbies they want to get good at and will put a lot of time and energy into. You see all the time on here how that doesn't always work well for their partner. Ideally, it would be finding some compromise that works for both partners. A bad relationship will definitely impact on your contentment but equally not being able to pursue other valued aspects of yourself for your relationship is also going to impact on your contentment. But partners in a good relationship should be able to work that balance out.

I’m not sure you can separate the two; I wouldn’t be happy if my DH was unhappy equally or if our relationship was bad. I think part of a relationship is compromise and each doing things you may not necessarily want to do but you can both be happy with that if it’s balanced

Are you asking if I would sacrifice my personal happiness for the sake of a relationship?
Of if I would put the relationship above my personal happiness?

In my experience, the sacrifice should be mutual. Very rarely is though.

If you're not happy in yourself, I don't think you can be happy in a relationship or place it as more important.

Are the two exclusive?

For me the two are inextricably linked. I get a great deal of personal happiness from my relationship. My wife and our children are my universe, everything else is secondary. If they are happy I am happy. They would say the same. If this is about it being ok to do something to make yourself happy at the expense of your partner (or that upsets them) then that is just selfishness that has no place in a healthy relationship. Though note that good partners supoort each other in doing their individual things as well.

When I was in a relationship and realised that my goal for ‘happiness’ was not getting shouted at, I realised that my priorities had definitely gone to fuck.

Personal happiness, as everything else flows from that.

Personal happiness

I read recently that each relationship you have usually teaches you something about yourself and that can lead to self acceptance - and being more content with yourself. I think the self needs to be centre.

If you mean "I need to go cycling every weekend even though it makes you unhappy it's essential for my personal happiness" is supposed to beat "we don't spend time together as a couple at the weekend due to your cycling, and our relationship should be more important to you", the relationship should be the priority.