A bit of an Aibu but Don’t want to post in there!
Back story- when I first met dh I was really worried about the amount of clutter/mess in his house and if I could live with someone that thought that was ok. I then realised that his parents home was just the same. He then moved into my house and tbh was pretty good about tidying up etc
(I am not a neatness freak at all, I have plenty of clutter around the house but normally insist on having all floors at least clear!).
We then got married about bought our house jointly and by and large be has been good about tidying up clutter/mess in all but one of the rooms albeit with a prod here and there.
However. Husband works from home (office type job so not one that makes a mess!). He used to work in the Boxroom but once we were expecting baby no 2 we decided to spend a lot of OUR
Money on a loft conversion. That would be his (now much larger) office, ensuite, and the general agreement is that once kids are at high school one of them will get the loft and husband will probably be back in the boxroom but not for at least 4 years. We might actually move before then anyway but that's another thread.
Because it's so large the loft doubles as an office and also guest room. We've very rarely had overnight guests though partly because of the problem I am about to mention.
The room is a state. Stuff everywhere, bits of computers, Cds, books, goodness knows what. His whole family are terrible hoarders which is part of the problem.
When he first moved up there we sorted it all out together and it was all fine but that was 5 years ago and he's put virtually zero effort into keeping it clean and tidy. I dare not enter the bathroom but pretty sure it's never been cleaned, definitely not properly. I have hassled him and hassled him about tidying it up and he's always had some sort of excuse, no time is the usual one and he doesn't want to spend any more time in there than he does working (?). He otherwise can't explain his totally inability to to sort it out. I can't explain it but it really upsets me that part of OUR house is such a state and although it's mostly used by him it's OUR loft extension. I would love to have guests to stay occasionally but never invite them because I couldn't trust him to tidy it up first. I have made it clear how much it upsets me that he can't sort it out and the fact that he doesn't seem bothered upsets me more than the mess itself. He tries to argue that it's his room and I need not go up there if I don't like it. But I'd like to be able to invite guests as I said and also not be utterly disgusted on the occasion I take him a cup of tea like I did tonight. We've just had another argument about it and I can hear him stomping around doing a bit of tidying now but he won't get it properly sorted and even if it did he would have zero motivation to actually keep it reasonably clean and tidy. We had our last argument about it about 2 months ago and since then he has made an effort to start selling stuff on eBay and I've done a lot of post office trips with stuff he's sold but he's still done ZERO Effort to actually clean/tidy.
I am prepared to have arguments with my sons about keeping their room tidy but not a 42 year old man ffs.
To clarify I don't expect completely clear surfaces etc none of our house is like that. But a clear path from the door to the desk is surely not too much to ask?
Aibu to want him to tidy up his bloody stuff? And if Ianbu what can I do?