Try for another child?

[Amah1]

I really dont think my relationship is going to work and most days I just bite my tongue and try not to kick him out. I dont feel like we are in love anymore, he is becoming lazier everyday, he is always angry and shouting. I have a child from a previous relationship and I have 2 with my current partner. I had planned on having another with my partner but our relationship is getting worse and he constantly tells me hes leaving when kids turn 18 ( they are toddlers just now) should I secretly get pregnant before I break up with him so my youngest 3 children are full siblings, I would plan on him being there until conceived child turn 1 or just get him out now and not try for a baby. I really wanted to have one more and I have kept all baby equipment in preparation for another baby? Please give me advice? I should also say he wasn't like this when we met and we have been together 8 years

God almighty
Do not bring another child into your shitty relationship.

Don’t bring another child into this just because you thing your wants come first.

Not many can afford four children as a couple let alone as a single adult.

It would be ridiculous to have another child and I do not know why you do not kick the man out now, his attitude is terrible.

Incredibly selfish to bring another child into this shitstorm. You have enough children already! Why on Earth do you need yet another one? How selfish to use a person you don't even like anymore to satisfy your own wants, creating an entire human being who will have a horrid parent because of your ridiculous wants. Grow up! You have 3 healthy kids now. Get them away from a shouty, nasty piece of work.

you’re attitude is actually really gross.
don’t bring a child into a shitty relationship.
don’t trick someone into having a child with you.
don’t assume he’ll stay for another- the way you describe your relationship as being, I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t leave you pregnant and alll.

Literally what every one else says!
My brother and sil did this. And are still together 'for the children'
It's a toxic relationship, & I feel sorry for everyone involved

You want to use your husband as a sperm donor without his knowledge so that he will be financially responsible for your third child with him?
And deliberately give your youngest child a dad you never liked from before his or her birth, and an entire life split between two parents, purely out of your selfish wish to have a fourth child?
And at the same time you're criticising your husband? 😂
Is this for real?

Woman, you're insane.

You should NEVER have a baby on the sly.

Leave your relationship if you're unhappy and don't dream of bringing another child into it.

I can afford and finance is not an issue. I have a lot of family support and we had planned to have another together but he has recently developed depression and he has a lot of issues in his employment. I raised my eldest who is almost 12 for 4 years and being a single parent is fine for me and maybe preferable. My eldest child had a lonely childhood and living in a city she didnt have many local playmates I love seeing how my 2 year old and 4 month old are together and I can see how much fun they will have over the years. I had wanted my 2 year old to have 2 younger siblings and my eldest wants nothing more than to have a little sister. Should the rest of us make do just because hes changed plans and changed his whole attitude and personality

Tis a windup innit

You've already got 3 kids. You don't need any more. Plus, it's shitty to trick someone like that.

Depends how much you're prepared to damage your children.

Deliberately bringing an additional child into such a toxic and dysfunctional situation seems extremely cruel.

Utterly deplorable to even consider creating a human being by stealth with a mentally unwell parent. Unbelievably stupid and selfish. Don't try to justify it, particularly by using your own 11-year-old (Oh, I'm doing it for her!), and you have no idea if you'd get a female child, either. Make do? You sound like you're entitled to yet another kid and it's a penalty for the 3 you already have not to have another sibling. Give over.

Are you joking? You have 3 kids including a small baby. You clearly hate him. But you’ll have sex with him, presumably lie about contraception and try to get pregnant? How long do you plan to keep having sex with an angry shouty man with poor mental health till you conceive? And why would you stay till the mythical new baby is a year?

Whether or not you can afford it, he would very obviously still be financially responsible for his own child.

Of course he's changed plans. He doesn't want to bring another child into a crap relationship.

Must be a wind-up, though, surely?

I never want to have sex with him but if I dont he would be angrier and he won't leave me alone until I do. He is a good dad and he does a lot but he is a lazy dad and will do the minimum he needs to then go back to lying on the sofa. I do just about everything for the kids and I dont mind being busy. He goes to work in a job he doesn't like so he can pay bills. But he does have a lot of debt through his own stupidity. I am a university graduate and I will be going back to work in a few months. I also know there is only a 50% chance that I would have a girl but my daughter wouldn't be too bothered if it were a boy or girl. Also the relationship could get better in time and go back to how it was. My partner knows he won't find anyone like me who is willing to be patient and give him time to sort himself out, he wouldn't find anyone as supportive as me and I help him how ever I can. Hes just lost his patience and can get angry over very very small things but if you leave him alone to do his thing he can be quite calm

Are you serious??

It is disgraceful to actively and knowingly bring another child into this situation. You contradict yourself. He is a good dad and does a lot but is a lazy dad who is angry, shouts and plans to leave anyway. And for someone who is so well educated you sound incredibly stupid and selfish to boot. Give the children you have now the best future by not allowing them to grow up thinking such a dysfunctional relationship is acceptable rather than worrying about producing another sibling to play with in this toxic environment.

Very few posts have made me so angry.

He is a good dad and he does a lot but he is a lazy dad and will do the minimum

Whut. Which one izzit.

Are you on crack?
Your youngest two have each other, no need for more ffs

Also you say he’s depressed and has a bad work environment, you think lying and getting pregnant will help? How about offering him some support you know like you do in a relationship?

That would be a really stupid decision OP.

Enjoy the children you have and address your relationship problems.

I have no idea why you would intentionally want to make yourself a single mother of four?

Never read anything so selfish and bizarre in my life! Your poor kids. Please don't have anymore.

His work and life outside his family are bad through his own fault. He thinks hes above everyone else and better than everyone else. I'm the only person he has literally. His family have abandoned him, my family have abandoned him, he has no friends here all because he is arrogant to everyone and as I said he does the minimum with everyone. I said he does a lot with the kids but he doesn't like going outside with them so I take them out places. I think I'm a good mum and I do everything for my kids and should I have another I would do so for them too. He will always be in the kids lives whether we are together or not. If I do want a fourth, i dont want to wait for Mr Right and have a baby in years time when I could have another within the next year