He tells me he loves me still.. but something is telling him to end it.

[caitbarker]

My partner and i have been together for roughly a year, i moved my whole life 100 miles away to live with him (and his family) after madly falling in love after meeting randomly at work. He has a daughter and i have been in her life for approx. 8 months now- she is the best thing thats happened to me.. as well as him. We've always had bickers or disagreed on some things but we have always overcome these problems, by laughing it off etc.

The past week or so we have bickered every day, whether thats me moaning at him because he's not bothered communicating with me or him getting jealous of something i have done. Then on Tuesday, we met after work after a weekend of nearly breaking up. We met at the spot we had our first kiss.

He gave me a massive hug and said he was making it very clear he wasn't ending the relationship but he felt like he needed to end it because he was pushed slightly over the line. This literally ripped my heart out of my chest. We spoke for an hour and a half and he said he does not want to end us, he loves me with all his heart and i am the best thing thats happened to him.. however, he just needs time to get over how he is feeling. Everyone wants us to stay together, even his parents and baby mum (who i get on really well with).

He told me in order for it to improve he needs me to be positive and happy, but im finding it really difficult not to cry or be hurt because of what he said. I feel like i need to give him space but in the same breathe i want him to just come home one evening, grab me and kiss me and tell me we are ok. He told me today he is really trying and we just need to be patient.

i feel so alone, how should i be?

Let me change that to blocking him from contacting you full stop not just on social media. Enough with the head games and manipulation.

I have some stuff to collect from the house next week so unfortunately i have to get some more bits and contact however i am not contacting him until the day. (really hard considering we spoke every day via message).

i feel stronger already but i know i am heartbroken inside.

but i can do this and have a good support network. he has messed with me an awful lot and eventually i will be ok

Can you take someone with you for moral support when you collect your stuff or could someone collect it for you? If not, then not contacting him until the day sounds wise. The less opportunity you give him to play the game of 'I'm such a nice guy how could you possibly be angry with me? Isn't it wonderful we're such good friends that I can continue to torment you. This is hurting me far more than it's hurting you etc etc' the better.

Stay strong

I had one of these OP. He would provoke my unhappiness and then say that he couldn’t stay with someone so miserable. Was miserable because he was a bastard! Spent five years trying to be perfect; perfect temper, perfect at sex (I.e. doing only what he liked) perfect opinions, perfect social choices- I didn’t want to see too much of my friends in case that made him break up with me, didn’t want to suggest we eat in a Pizza Express because he hated it there etc. In the end I wouldn’t even express an opinion on what film I wanted to watch- it was too much of a risk he would leave me because he just hated Spielberg!

Bottom line is that it doesn’t work and makes you mental. This man doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

i think i am going to be indpendent and show my strength by going alone. but he is very manipulative and very clever at making people feel like they are in the wrong.

i'm starting to understand that now, he is even liking girls photos on social media and messaging them already.. then telling me he isnt and doesnt want to upset me and im always going to be his first love.

i am going to stop contact and then when he realises he messed up.. i wont be going back!

he has made me lose my whole independance and who i am.. i was the same as you in the fact if i said anything wrong or what he didnt like he would kick off and be moody. why did i go to work every day worrying if he messaged me or not and if we was going to argue

So sorry this has happened to you, but honestly him breaking up with you will be the best thing that has happened to you since u met him. You already realising how toxic the relationship was x

Going forward just work on yourself and your self esteem so you don't get reeled in by controlling twats x

@Azadewow @AllTheWhoresOfMalta @Washedoutlady @User56781234

just to keep you updated, what a bloody relief that was!!! i think its true what they say you have massively clouded judgement when you are 'in love' with someone. i look back now and think wtf was i doing. i was soooooooooo upset and broken over this 'boy'. since feb he has asked for £'s thousands!! and started threatening me and being nasty. I also got taken on a date by my friends brother and apparently i am a slag for this. i feel so much more content in myself and feel my independence has come back. you really helped with that x

If his nasty, threatening behaviour continues, you should report him to the police. You might also want to think about getting a non-molestation order.

Great to hear how well you are doing
Block him
Having a good relationship is something that you have to learn. Some people are lucky and have great role models, others learn through experience and other resources.
Mumsnet is a great resource! Keep reading this board to help you recognise those red flags and what a healthy relationship looks like. The freedom programme is also good.

Stop all contact with your ex.

Dating isn’t sensible until you’ve reflected on your choices as regards your ex and worked to “raise your bar” - prioritise other aspects of your life.

I’m so relieved at how clearly you see things now! Bloody well done that woman!!

Agree too that don’t put up with a second of hassle from him and see if you can get someone else to go with you? Do you REALLY need whatever you left there?

How has he justified asking for thousands of pounds?
I really hope you learn a lot of lessons from this OP.
Sounds like you already have but you need to really reflect and take time to get back to 'you'.

Don't jump straight into another relationship.
Take your time.
Learn about yourself.
Look at your self-esteem.
You now know this was an abusive relationship.
It would do you no harm at all to get in contact with Womens Aid and do their Freedom programne.
Learn about boundaries and red flags and how to spot them far far sooner than you did.

And please block him and anyone associated with him on everything.
Social media, messengers, phone - everything!!!!

And take someone with you when you go to collect your things.
Do NOT do it alone!
You may think it looks 'strong' but it will not be good for you.

Well done on getting out, now work on YOU!

honestly can not thank you all enough for your support and words of wisdom.

he's trying to justify things in his head to get money out of me. my mum said he is trying to manipulate me and hurt me to make me feel guilty although it was his actions and choices that broke the relationship up. it's his way of making himself feel better for being emotionally abusive (i think anyway).

i feel like i have a new found confidence already, i've been seeing my friends so much and doing things i want to do. for example, i went to cafe nero on sunday and just had a coffee and did my finances.. if i did that with my ex he would be questioning me for it and call me names for doing it. the new man (definitely a man) instead texts me and says 'have a great time and a positive day today'.

people don't realise how much of a difference that makes. although i dont want to jump into anything it's VERY refreshing to have my mind focus on good things and be shown what i actually deserve.

What is he saying you owe him money for? Make sure you stay strong he sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Well done. I'm sure you'll take this as a life lesson. Now you know the sort of thing to avoid!

Block him on everything, the manipulative toe rag.

OP I’ve only just seen this thread, read the whole thing and just wanted to say how impressed I am with how you are dealing with what’s happened. You are awesome. Please learn from this debacle, and don’t ever place somebody else’s needs or slowness at ‘processing’ things (utter bollocks) over your own rights and needs. There’s no such thing as being good enough for someone, there’s just two people being right for each other. Run a mile in future from jealousy, poor communication and bickering.

@caitbarker if you blocked him on everything, you would no longer need to see/hear him calling you a slag or asking you for money. Please block him now and save your sanity.

You have done so well, please just put up that last piece of protection and move on with a lovely life without him!

I’ve just rtft and your final posts tell the truth after saying how “in love” you were at the start of this thread. You cleared his debts, he called you names, questioned you and made you miserable. Then instructed you to be happy and cheerful at all times!

Please block him! 🌸

i've blocked him on EVERYTHING now. what a relief!!

isnt it crazy how at the time you get so obsessed and over think about one person.. when actually they probably weren't right for you in the first place!

i really appreciate allll the support

(From my husband) men are simple hunter/gather-type creatures, when they see something they want they find a way to get it, and then they take care of it (or walk away when it’s obvious they’re not getting anywhere... my OH doesn’t want you to think he’s a stalker). I sense that you’re not ready to hear this, but honey, he’s just not that into you. BUT, he’s keeping you on the hook in case there’s nothing out there he prefers. Awful, but true. Best advice (from husband and me), walk away. If you’re what he wants you’ll find that out pretty damn quickly, when he comes running... my money’s on he won’t, and you will have done the hard work for him. Or, to put it another way, you took control of your own destiny.

Good luck sister! X