The script...

[NewAcc0unt]

Hi,

Looking for thoughts, opinions and advice if anyone can spare some time please.

DH of 14 years has given me half the 'script', he's not sure if he loves me. He feels like we're friends, not husband and wife etc. Since the chat this weekend, which came from out of nowhere, he won't hug or kiss me, saying he just needs some time.

I know this is classic, straight from the script stuff. I'm preparing myself.

The only confusing thing in this situation is that our conversations and the way we're talking to each other is better than it has been for a long time. Text messages are more brief than they previously were but face to face conversations are much improved since the chat.

Has anyone experienced this? How long should I allow this lack of physical contact to continue for? I don't want to force him into being affectionate if he's checked out, but I also don't want to push him away if there's a chance that he does just need a little time to gather his thoughts.

Go and see a solicitor asap so you understand your options.

You can separate while living in the same house if he does refuse to leave - you'd need to sleep separately, untangle finances and not cook/clean/launder for him etc.

Yeah, one of my examples of unreasonable behaviour was "forming improper relationships with other women".

@DDIJ thank you, you don't know how much I appreciate all of your replies. It's reassuring that so many kind people are out there and so willing to offer advice. Thank you so much.

If you have anymore advice please let me know

I was here with my ex. It started with the whole I don’t think I’m in love with you but you’re my best friend crap. We were living with his parents and saving for a house deposit at the time and it was awful. I stuck it out for a month hoping he’d changed his mum until it all came out there was someone else (but he still loved me, I was his best friend blah blah blah). I bundled up my stuff and left that day and cut off all contact. Thankfully we had no kids and no financial ties. But there was another woman. Surprise, surprise.

I’d ask him to leave. He’s the one opting out the relationship so he needs to go. Sorry you’re going through this.

Firstly stop giving him his cushy life

No cooking except for you and your dc
No washing his clothes
Sort your finances out, or at least know where you stand - go and see a solicitor
Store away important documents
No pick me dance
Grey rock him
You get time off from the dc too. He looks after them Saturday, you do Sunday

Start to make him realise what he's chucking away

@DICarter1 heartbreaking, but sounds like you got out just in time!

Sound advice, thank you @TheReef. I need to be strong and stop the pick me routine. It's a tough habit to break, as I have always been the nurturer, he never wanted for anything.

@newacc0unt on NYE my DH told me he no longer felt same way about me and that we were more like friends than lovers. Said he wanted out, didn’t want to work on it: swears blind there’s nobody else. I’ve been doing serious detective work and apart from him being constantly glued to his phone there’s no other dodgy evidence. But preparing myself for truth that an OW will come out of woodwork. We are living together until I can move into a friends house and it’s fairly amicable but I’ve done the pick me dance a bit and can’t seem to move away from him. He too acted like a weight had been lifted after he told me and immediately acted more pleasant. I’m so suspicious now reading these threads but I can’t express how grateful I am for all the advice I’ve received.

@DDIJ, I have all of our financial documents at my mums house. Passports, certificates, wage slips etc all taken care of.
I have my own bank account. I am most definitely the main carer. I gave up work so that I could be the doting wife. I have part time hours trying to ease back into work now that both girls are in school full time, as of September.
Such a sickening situation

Same @Comefeelthenoise, I feel your pain. It seems like we're all making the same mistakes. Getting the strength to give them their marching orders is so stressful when all you want is for the family to be perfect again

Sounds like you have made a great start.
Book an appointment with a solicitor.
Sit down after that and work out child care. Even if under the same roof. That way DC know which parent is responsible for them when.
Draw it up on a chart so they can refer to it.
‘Dad takes us swimming on Monday but Mum will take us to x party on Saturday ‘
Good luck

Just ask him what his plans are now he has said he isn’t in love with you. You can be honest and say how upset you are hearing this but you can’t continue as if nothing has happened because it is clearly
Different now.

Tell family he has said he isn’t in love with you. That statement alone shows him to be a shite. Proving adultery doesn’t make any difference in the divorce or settlement. I thought it did. But it doesn’t.

It’s hard. Emotionally draining. Heartbreaking. But I agree with drawing up a chart and having some time for yourself.