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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Embarrassed after messaging two-timing guy

29 replies

Werkinggirl · 22/01/2020 19:56

I was dating someone who I thought was so lovely, but stupidly got attached pretty quickly. He was so sweet compared to other guys i've dated and just really adorable.
Except he wasn't, he was a lying two-timer who wanted 1 thing.
When I found out what he had been doing, I messaged him just basically saying to get the hell out of my life and that if he thought he would see me again he'd be very mistaken.
Then, the next day I was so upset I sent 2 long further messages berating him for what he had done. He had told me some ridiculous lies and led me on for weeks.

Now when I look back I just cringe. I think silence speaks volumes, he didn't even reply to the last messages which made me look even worse. I wish I had just blocked him straightaway and not said a word.

Would you have messaged in this situation ? I was just coming out with all the witty comments I could think of. It would have been so much better to let him wonder and just not say a word.

OP posts:

Original poster

Werkinggirl · 22/01/2020 19:58

I thought he was attached too because he was telling me, "I can't believe i've met you" and telling me how "special and amazing" I was, putting love hearts on messages. I didn't know I was effectively the OW.

OP posts:

bobstersmum · 22/01/2020 20:04

How did you find out? He's really not worth your head space, but it is maddening!

Original poster

Werkinggirl · 22/01/2020 20:07

I found out because he was tagged in a video on Facebook kissing her and dancing with her, haha.
He's definitely not worth it I agree, I wish I hadn't sent those messages. I didn't say anything abusive but I wish I had been more dignified and composed.

OP posts:

sadatchristmas1 · 22/01/2020 20:10

You haven't messaged again since that's the main thing! You are allowed to be pissed off the day after finding out the guy was a cheat. Hope you've blocked and moved on now!

user1481840227 · 22/01/2020 20:14

I can't understand this new trend that people seem to have of not reacting AT ALL to bad behaviour like ghosting or things like this.
It just means that those people normally don't even need to suffer a small bit of fallout from their behaviour such as having to listening to or read a few some harsh words!

Why would you care what he thinks of you sending the messages anyway? He sounds like a waste of space.

More than likely he'll try to get back in touch in the future anyway. You can stay silent then. or if he's blocked you won't receive the messages but he probably won't know that and will think you're reading and not replying!

Original poster

Werkinggirl · 22/01/2020 20:16

Thank you,yeah, I need to stop being so hard on myself, of course i'm going to be angry after what he did and how he acted about it all.
Now blocked yet, struggling but i'll get over it in time.

OP posts:

sleepyhorse · 22/01/2020 20:17

Your reaction and response to him is completely normal. Do not beat yourself up about this. Most people would have done exactly the same. You needed to release your anger and actually I think you were more than entitled to after being led to believe you had something special going on. Some guys are just such a waste of space, please do not spend anymore time thinking about him. You are much better than him and life is too short! ❤️

Original poster

Werkinggirl · 22/01/2020 20:18

You're right. I thought if I don't say anything he'll think im cool with it. I wanted him to see that he hasn't gotten away with it and that I won't accept that sort of behaviour.
Now because i'm not fully over him I worry that he will think i'm a bit crazy and not want to contact me in the future. But why should I even want this waste of space to contact me, it's so messed up !

OP posts:

Original poster

Werkinggirl · 22/01/2020 20:19

Thanks, yes I really did think we had something. He's the one who should feel ashamed, not me. I didn't insult him personally like his looks or anything, just tore his behaviour to shreds and made it clear he was gone for good.

OP posts:

user3575796673 · 22/01/2020 20:21

Walking away shows you won't accept that behaviour.

Original poster

Werkinggirl · 22/01/2020 20:22

That is true ! Thank you

OP posts:

mamato3lads · 22/01/2020 20:27

Dont give it another thought ! Some people just dont react and some people do. You had every right to be angry and message him...it was short lived though...a few angry messages fired off in the aftermath. But you left it there so it's fine. You haven't bombarded him with loads of messages since. So it's all good. Dont send any more messages though...

mamato3lads · 22/01/2020 20:28

And you're worrying what he thinks of you because you are still seeing him with rose tinted glasses. Take them off. See he is a prick and that it doesnt matter one bit what a prick thinks of you.

Original poster

Werkinggirl · 22/01/2020 20:29

Thank you, that makes me feel better !

OP posts:

Original poster

Werkinggirl · 22/01/2020 20:30

I am sadly. Part of me is wanting him to come back one day, it's so pathetic ! He's a compulsive liar and a cheat, I don't miss him but only what I thought he was.

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 22/01/2020 21:24

Prior to the days of text and email, I wrote a letter to a bloke who'd been two timing me, and put it in the post. The choice was between that or pouring a tin of gloss paint over his car. Luckily good sense prevailed!

MyuMe · 22/01/2020 21:29

I can't understand this new trend that people seem to have of not reacting AT ALL to bad behaviour like ghosting or things like this.

Neither can I. All the modern dating advice says to play it cool.

However playing it cool and not reacting surely just confirms your acceptance of what they've done and they won't hesitate to do it again?!

Idk

MyuMe · 22/01/2020 21:30

I am sadly. Part of me is wanting him to come back one day, it's so pathetic!

No it isn't. We all want them to regret it

Did he reply when you went ape shit?

onemorerose · 22/01/2020 21:34

I would definitely have given him a piece of my mind as well. Just don’t message him again now.

user3575796673 · 22/01/2020 21:34

I don't miss him but only what I thought he was

It's ok to let yourself grieve a little bit for the person you'd thought you'd met and where you thought it was heading. Telling yourself that's what's happening can help. Focus on working through those feelings and taking care of yourself so you can move forward.

Eckhart · 22/01/2020 21:43

Put simply: He was in the wrong, and you were not.

Silence does speak volumes, but so does saying what you really mean, and then walking away. For good. And being inwardly satisfied with yourself for doing so.

ScarJo · 22/01/2020 21:55

Op you've posted about this alot haven't you? You were dating two months then he went to Australia?

Please let this go. Live and learn. You're not helping yourself by dwelling constantly

Original poster

Werkinggirl · 22/01/2020 22:00

Thank you, he sent some short reply but then didn't say anything else after. Don't know if it was because he was ashamed or didn't care.
He was 'busy with work' now I know he was just busy seeing his girlfriend on those days he couldn't see me.
The tin of paint thing made me laugh !
He doesn't live that far from me and I'm praying I don't bump into him, but if I do i'll just hold my head high and keep walking.
No I haven't posted about this before ! But wouldn't surprise me that there are loads of men like this :(

OP posts:

Original poster

Werkinggirl · 22/01/2020 22:03

Thank you everyone, I do feel better about the messages. He deserved a piece of my mind and to be put in his place ! It wasn't that long ago only a month, i've no intention of messaging him again.

OP posts:

onemorerose · 23/01/2020 00:31

Good on you, onwards and upwards, he doesn’t deserve any more headspace (and remember that any time you catch yourself thinking of him).

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