Affair

[Gigicols]

So three weeks ago I discovered my husbands affair.

We have both decided we want to try and make things work.

Has anyone got any advice on how to stop torturing yourself with the details. It’s like I want to know every detail, I wish I could see their text messages, emails etc etc. It’s like an obsession and it’s completely pointless as I have agreed to try again so need to start working on putting it behind me.

They also work together so everyday I know he’s in an office with her and possibly it’s still going on! How would i know?

I want to take
This leap of faith but at the moment I feel stuck. And very low. I’m talking to family for support, and have a counselling session booked for tomorrow. Has anyone been through this or have any advice?

OP my original post was a ltb, why would you stay. I feel I need to be more gentle since your subsequent posts. You are worried if he moves out that he will want to leave.

I think you need to think about why you want to stay with him. Do you want to stay for the right reasons? Love, a great partnership, trust (will you ever have that?) Or are you scared of being alone or starting over again? If it is the latter then you need to find the strength to move on. Even if it's the former, you need to be prepared for the fact that your relationship may not survive this. I do think his reasons for having the affair also play a part in whether or not this is salvageable.

Yes, he’s been very supportive in the past, could always talk to him.

I also told him that -
It’s not going to magically mean all is fine in a couple of weeks - there
Will still be questions and crying, and he seemed to fully agree, and restated that seeing him around the house, watching tv or eating dinner, at
The moment was making me feel he wasn’t really facing the reality of how he had treated me. And he thought this may help that, but I feel that all that time he isn’t here I’ll just be worrying anyway because I’m so insecure at the moment

I want to stay with him because I love him. He is (usually) kind, supportive and makes
Me very happy.

I want to stay with him because I lost
My way a little bit after my mum passed away 2 years ago and with the value of hindsight I made some mistakes, I became very selfish and I undervalued him and over relied on him. I would like the opportunity to show him I understand that and would like things to be different (they had already started to become different)

I’m not scared of being alone, but I am scared of losing him.

My gut tells me he is being genuine and really thinks this will help me/us but my head is so fried with all the affair/does he want to leave me part that I don’t know what to do

How are you doing @Gigicols ?