So sad..

[Littlelamb40]

I posted on here last week so here goes.😢
I can't seem to get over my date a guy who I really liked...I said to him that I didn't think he was interested in me any more and understood.
We met online and he said he wants a relationship. We slept together had some lovely dates and met his friends etc.
Low and behold he said hes not ready to commit.
I'm so upset and miss him a lot.
Why do I feel really low and depressed after dating him for 2 months. In the beginning he was so charming even waited for me to return from Australia on a holiday.
He arranged all our dates, then suddenly as soon as I arrange a future date he does cold and ghosts me. I have cried a lot and don't hate him.
How could a guy who is 47 not want commitment? Bizarre
Xx

I'm 51 and I don't want commitment.
I wouldn't mind a bit of company every now and then and the odd shag.
But commitment!?? No thanks.
You need to block and ignore and delete and move on.
Sorry OP. It does suck.
But.... NEXT >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Felling the same today :( been seeing someone for 3 months and had a great time. He told me last night he doesn’t want a relationship. We both feel the same about each other and he’s not sure why he doesn’t want a relationship. I’m gonna give him some space for a while and see how he feels. God it hurts today.

MissHx it's a horrid feeling. I keep blaming myself, but I know I have done nothing wrong.
Keep your chin up. Xx

Stop blaming yourself, why does it have to be something that you have done? Maybe he just doesn’t feel the spark or doesn’t want to pursue a relationship.
You are putting him on a pedestal when in fact he has done you a favour for not wasting your time.

Hmmm same boat here and it feels awful only in my case he said he wanted a relationship etc. then just suddenly just didn't answer my message last night when we in an ongoing chat. Text today to ask if i've done or said something wrong. Replied all good catch up soon but just know something isn't right no x at the end which is normal for him. Been seeing each other for a while all was going well. Making plans for a future etc. Wish he'd a least be honest enough to say it's not for him anymore at least then i''d know. Just hurts as i know we both feel the samr about each other. Will leave him be for now and see what happens but i'm not sure i will hear from him again. It's just rubbish. Hugs for you both. xx

The thing that really gets to me is he told me im a goergous lady and have lovely heart..yet doesnt want to commit.
I've now lost my confidence on men and feel sad.
He doesn't even want to be friends.
Fed up with the compliments and feeling disheartened.

Why even go on a date with me from the start! What did he want. Xx

After seeing him for 2 months you want him to commit!!???
You sound desperate and needy and that is not an attractive trait.
Did you tell him this early on you wanted commitment?
If so then no wonder he ended things.
This is the phase where you enjoy it.
See each other once a week and see how it goes.
After 2 months, you do not discuss commitment!
Please take things slowly in future.
Do not expect guys to want to 'commit' withing 2 months.
For me, that would take 2 years!
Slow down!
How old are you OP?

I'm afraid that I am guilty of going on dates while not necessarily wanting a relationship. I'm 50, have an adult DD, lots of friends and a nice life. If someone came along and I thought that we could mutually add something wonderful to each others' lives and he felt the same, I would reconsider. Otherwise I'm happy as I am. I'm sure that he meant it when he said that you were lovely - I have met lovely people - but I also make it clear from the outset that I am really looking for companionship. It certainly doesn't mean that he doesn't like you - you just want different things.

@littlelamb40 unfortunately this is common with Online dating, please don’t take this personally! Could he have just been trying to let you down gently and he has met someone else? It is common that people date multiple people at a time

I feel for you OP. I wouldn't take too much notice of people saying 2 months is nothing because I don't agree at all. Yes its a short time and would mean you should get over him quicker, but that doesn't mean you can't develop strong feelings for someone in this time. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying to themselves or has just never felt that strongly about someone.
Its OK to feel sad and confused but try to learn from this and move forward. Maybe try harder to take things a bit slower next time

Lobsterquarille2
His online status said he wants a relationship. Whenever I mentioned that I wanted to slowly get to know him he would back of. Yet happy for me to go round for a cuppa. (I shouldnt of slept with him)
He said he's happy for us to see each other yet ran a mile when I suggested a to Valentine's meal or other dates..never knew where I stood he should of made it clear from the first date and been honest. X

Also i heard from a mutual friend he's known for being commitment phobic! Found this out after it ended!!
So why go online dating looking for a relationship x

If your blaming yourself and not seeming this as his problem you are not ready to date!
Being upset and having a cry is fine, very normal
But blaming yourself is not right.

Why the hell would any man really want a relationship, especially when they DONT need to. If he comes back and apologise and says I really like you can we take it slow, you will say yes!

Men like this can get what they want and need without the bother of the relationship title plus if you do get in a relationship that will not make him a better committed man.
Check out the relationship board.

It's this sort of thing that is a Huge red flag.
He is only thinking of him and he will be back which is why you should block and let him deal with his choice.

You had a good time but from now on if you follow this path it will be full of mistakes and all about him.

@Littlelamb40 if this is Plenty of Fish, my profile also says "looking for a relationship", mainly because "wants to date but nothing serious" says "one night stand" to me. However I make it very clear that my life is pretty full and that once a week is more than enough for me to see someone. To be fair, the people I see are very similar and tend to have the same view.

A male friend of mine was seeing someone towards the end of last year, and after a couple of dates, she suggested spending Christmas together and asking about his holiday plans for this year. His comment was that she was lovely but that he was on the first chapter while she appeared to be finishing the book.

Lobsterquadrille2 your right but he he should of been honest on the first date as to what he wants. Of course I wouldn't of continued if sex was all he wanted! I would of politely declined x

I only asked him for more dates and enjoyed them. I didn't ask for commitment but I guess he's assumed that's what I wanted. Would of been nice to get to know him a bit better. I do think he may of met someone else though. X

I don't feel I should block him as I know he won't ever contact me again. Although he hasn't blocked me still have each other's number. I'm surprised he hasn't blocked me though. X

OP I saw this with all love but When you say “I don’t feel I should block him as I know he won’t ever contact me again”
What you mean is - I’m not going to block him in case he does contact me again

This is the oldest story in the book lovely - you wanted a relationship, he wanted sex and pretended he wanted a relationship until you had sex a few times and now he’s gone

It’s horrible to be treated like this and you’ve every right to be sad and angry but it’s not your fault!! Block him, have a good cry and then move on

Kit19
I just don't have it in me to block people I don't and cant hate anyone. Just the sort of person I am.
Why doesn't he block me if he wants nothing to do with me..I can still see him on my WhatsApp.

I'm too nice I know x

Best will in the world OP, you'd had EIGHT dates with this guy and yet met his friends and even been to his work!

Way, way, way, too full on way, way, way, too quickly. You sound more like a teenager with a first crush than a 41-year old woman.

You said it yourself - he only wanted dates that he arranged. He wanted things on his terms. He wanted to be in control.

Lucky escape.

Please move on. for your own sake. He's not up for it so don't waste your time. I had this after nearly 3 years from my ex. We were in our mid-40s. Age has nothing to do with it. Some people come on strong but when feelings change, they can't face being truthful so they ghost/ cut you off. Ghosting is immature behaviour, so you may have dodged a bullet. He lacked the strength to talk to you about things.
Also with men - believe what they say. Never try to analyse it.
Be selfish and find yourself a good guy who knows what he wants and doesn't string women along.

I'm sorry LittleLamb. I expect he thought you were the one but as time went on, he was less sure that the pair of you would work long term. It's just like sometimes - it could have you who cooled off for the same reason but it isn't disrespectful, you don't 'hate eachother'.

When someone is older they are even more cautious because they've probably experienced relationships that have gone wrong.

Dry your eyes and go out with friends; you'll meet other men and next time, don't be so invested so early. Have fun, being single can be great.

@Littlelamb40 sometimes blocking someone doesn't indicate that you dislike them or say anything about your niceness or otherwise as a person. It's for self preservation, to maintain your dignity and to allow you to move on without tracking their online activity (which in my view can be very unhealthy).

So I would block him, put it down to experience, move on to the next one and take it really slowly next time. As above, I find once a week to meet up with someone just about the most I can fit in with anyone. Happy to talk and text in between. And it's fine to make it more on your terms. It sounds as if you need to value yourself more, and I mean that nicely.