So sad..

[Littlelamb40]

I posted on here last week so here goes.😢
I can't seem to get over my date a guy who I really liked...I said to him that I didn't think he was interested in me any more and understood.
We met online and he said he wants a relationship. We slept together had some lovely dates and met his friends etc.
Low and behold he said hes not ready to commit.
I'm so upset and miss him a lot.
Why do I feel really low and depressed after dating him for 2 months. In the beginning he was so charming even waited for me to return from Australia on a holiday.
He arranged all our dates, then suddenly as soon as I arrange a future date he does cold and ghosts me. I have cried a lot and don't hate him.
How could a guy who is 47 not want commitment? Bizarre
Xx

Bluerussian
He wanted me to meet his friends etc..which I was happy with seemed like a nice thing to do.
They are nice people..
If anything he came onto me very strong..in hind sight I should of seen it as a reg flag. These things happen x
Nevermind

Even if he wanted to end up in a committed relationship, to get to that stage you have to date different people, so as to find out which person you eventually want to be committed to.
How else would it work?

And yes, at 47 he is likely to know better than a younger person that "forever" is relative. At 51 I definitely do not expect to live happily ever with my current bf.

I think he felt the relationship was missing something.
When a man wants to commit he will. Personally I dated lots of women post divorce over a period of 2yrs.

I've met someone now.
I knew attraction wise when I first saw her and within a month I'd heard enough to know this is the one to make a life with.
You just need to find your own person that stops your heart. This person wasn't the one.

I would say don't put all your eggs in one basket so soon. Men lie to get sex. They say what you want to hear. Assume they're lying until they prove otherwise.

Keep dating several at a time. The right one will be consistent and won't be wishy washy.

Why is it lying if he says he would like to be in a committed relationship with someone?
I want to be in a committed relationship with someone. But that doesn't mean I have to stay with the first person I go on a few dates with.

He may well want to be in a relationship, just not with you. I don't say that to be mean, and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. You're just not the one for him, and that's ok. It doesn't mean he has been deceitful etc.

Yet he was still happy enough to sleep with me. I guess I fell for it, my own fault.
All the gifts and nice things he did meant nothing to him them.

When you slept with him, were you planning on staying with him forever?

Ravenmum
I would of given it a go with him but slowly. X

And if you had decided that he wasn't for you, you would have ended it.

He was love bombing you at the beginning. Beware of love bombing.

You are treating going on a date as akin to an unspoken marriage proposal. Likewise having sex. You really need to chill out. One of the points of dating is to get to know someone, see how the relationship develops, decide if there is enough there for a long-term, more committed relationship. Maybe he genuinely is interested in a serious relationship...with someone. Maybe he decided that someone wasn't you after all and did his best to let you down gently (it's not you, it's me blah blah blah). It doesn't need to mean there is anything wrong with you, just that you ultimately weren't for him. Not everyone buys the first car they take for a test drive.

One more thing. You seem to think he deceived you into having sex. Have sex because at that moment you want to have sex, not because you see it as part of some wider negotiations. That just smacks of sex being something that women trade with men for other benefits. it's 2020 not 1920.

In the old days, people often had to spend the rest of their lives with someone they didn't like much. Obviously it feels shit to be dumped, but it is just the other side of coin - the shinier side being that today we have the great luxury of being able to change our minds.

*Best will in the world OP, you'd had EIGHT dates with this guy and yet met his friends and even been to his work!

Way, way, way, too full on way, way, way, too quickly. You sound more like a teenager with a first crush than a 41-year old woman.*

That's cruel. I met my partner online, we clicked instantly and wanted to spend loads of time together - and so we did. It's often like that when you really fall for someone. Why limit to one date a week or something if you both want to be together more?

In my case he eaid I love you at around three months and I was over the moon as I was feeling it as well.

What's childish is thinking you have to follow a particular script for relationship success. There isn't one!

Life hay, I do feel a little sorry for him. He got divorced 14 years ago, then dated then had a long term relationship for with someone for 8 years. So I really hope he finds the right lady.. best of luck to to him.
Appreciate your advice on here.