Am I being a big high maintenance here?

[Louise000000]

I'm in a new relationship. It's been a few months now. He is quite shy and he has said that before. However 2 things are bothering me and I don't know if I'm just being a bit high maintenance here or not.
The first thing is he never asks me any questions about myself beyond 'how are you, how was your week' it's like he's not interested in getting to know me. I'm always asking him stuff about his life, family, etc etc as I'm really interested in getting to know all about him. I will just tell him stuff and he does listen.
The other thing is he only says he likes me, he misses me, he's had a nice time with me if I say it first and he agrees or if I ask. He's never just said 'ive missed you' and he never gives any compliments in person.

Please tell me if I'm just being a princess here!

No, I don't care how shy he is, it's not normal in the early stages of a relationship not to ask things about someone's life or family. How do you work out if you're compatible beyond the initial physical attraction?

Friend used to live with a guy who was very very shy

We went out with them regularly as a foursome.

In 10 years I never heard him utter a word.

In the end friend left him because he had no conversation.

She got to the point where they would not speak if she didn’t try to prise an answer to s question out of him.

She stopped talking to him to see if he would eventually speak to her.

He didn’t

So is this worth me saying something to give him a heads up that I'm feeling like I'm giving more here?

Sounds like he's not that into you

I thought maybe he's not that into me actually but he texts every day and he said a week ago that he didn't want to see anyone else as he wouldn't want to jeopardise what we had?

The not showing any interest would be a no for me. I'd think he saw it as more casual.

What do you talk about when you’re together? Does conversation flow? Do you chatter away over dinner or drinks and share jokes? Presumably you don’t spend time in silence when you’re together so you must talk about something. Rather than the rather forced and artificial method of asking and answering questions about each other, perhaps what you when you’re just talking naturally is how he prefers to get to know you. If you do just sit in silence then I’ll agree with previous posters, he’s probably not that into you!

I don’t think boyfriend (of three and and a bit years) have ever really asked each other direct questions about each other’s lives and histories per se. We just talk, and do stuff together, and learn that way. And actually there’s an aspect of it that’s quite nice: I realised only very recently that I’ve never known if he had any pets as a child and I realised this because we were on a beach in Thailand and saw a hermit crab wander its way in front of us and it turns out he kept hermit crabs when he was younger and told me all about them.

@Louise000000, run away. I send this as someone who made the mistake over 20 years ago and did not run away. I made excuses, allowances, described myself with pride as ‘low maintenance’. When he was dumping me after our long marriage (for a high maintenance ex) I said to him that my mistake was never having expected enough of him, and he didn’t deny it. I ignored many red flags, and I too said he was shy - that was one of the excuses. Read up on avoidant attachment styles (dismissive and fearful) and anxious preoccupied style. If he has any characteristics of the former run like the wind, especially if you fit the latter definition. If you are an empathic person you will get hurt, so don’t waste any more time worrying about him. Your needs will never be met. Take care.

You are in a relationship aren’t you and it’s not seen as casual by him ? I am now in a relationship but before It was casual and i didn’t ask him anything then or say I missed him etc. The talk was more about music, news , funny stories and not ourselves and feelings then

So do you think he's holding back a bit then?
I said relationship in op I think but we are seeing each other however he said a weeks or so ago that he doesn't want to see anyone else as he's happy with what we have together.
It's not so much deep feelings he needs to talk to me about but for example he knows my best friend is going through cancer treatment and he knows how affected I've been about it all but he's never once asked how she is, he knows I've been majorly stressed about things with my stbexh but he's never asked how I'm doing with everything. Even a friend would ask these type things.
I just can't even think of any type of question that he's asked because he wants to know a bit more about me really.
Where as I've asked about his family, his previous jobs, his travelling, studying etc etc cos I'm genuinely interested!

He's been single for years and was only seeing women before that so is he maybe just out of practice on how this works?

What do you actually get out of the relationship? How does he show affection for you, what nice things does he do for you?

The not asking about you could be just that he's expecting you to volunteer the information so he doesn't see that he's coming across as not showing an interest. It's worth bringing up imo.

With regards to the only saying he likes or misses you if you say it first, my dp was just like this when we first got together (in fact he's still very much like it now). For ages he'd only say I love you too, it just doesn't come naturally to him to say how he feels. He's better at it now but it took ages!

That would not be enough for me. Being shy is different to not being interested. How old is he? If he's young maybe he's just not mature enough to ask or be curious about things outside of 'his world'. I must say though, you're in danger of this all being on your terms - you're quoting what he's said about seeing other people. How do you feel? I might express my feelings, if I were you, and tell him you find it strange range that he doesn't ask about your past, how your friend and consequently you are. But it sounds like this might be all he's got to give - in which case I would wait to find someone who wants to know all about you.

Surprisingly at new year he did text saying he loves me when he was pissed but they next day when I was teasing him and said was he catching feels he didn't answer, which makes me think he's got some kind of guard up
He's 38

I don’t know if he is holding back but when I was seeing my bf casually I kept my distance a little in terms of what I said

My Husband He NEVER ask anything if I don't ask him, he never said anything if I don't say but that doesn't mean that he doesn't love me or the kids
You need to see his good stuff, what he is doing or not doing for you. My husband just bought me a brand new car without telling me... Shall I get upset that he didn't talk or shall I be happy that I m driving a lovely brand new car???
Some guys are very shy... You just need to see the good side of him
Good luck 🤞

I get the question thing up to a certain extent. But I really need someone who says 'I've missed you' or 'you look lovely today' etc or after seeing me says 'uveitis had a great weekend with you' some might not think that's a big deal but I've just realised how much I do need that whether I'm in a relationship or seeing someone or dating someone

• I've

He’s keeping it casual.

He isn’t interested in finding out much else other than sex.

How boring!

What do you two do together and talk about?

I think you should tell him how you feel to a certain extent (it's still early days but you sort of have to set your expectations) so if you say I've missed you and he said I've missed you too I'd say "have you? You never say you have, so that's good to know!" Or something similar.

As I said, dp was only reciprocal for ages, part of it was down to him putting up some barriers and part of it is just that he's not very good at expressing his feelings verbally. He doesn't have to say them even, he makes me feel loved and very much cared for in the things he doesn't say.

I think because he doesn't appear to take an interest in you generally and then doesn't say the things that would make you feel a bit more secure in the relationship (like that he's missed you) it just makes you feel like he's just not that interested. In which case, I'd have the conversation anyway as if he's not that interested you're better off knowing sooner rather than later!

See if he's only interested in sex too, I'd still need the 'the other night was so good, I love your body' or something like that too. Even if that's all he's interested in!

I think it showing an interest in you and what you're up to is a bit rude. You wouldn't expect a good friend to do this would you?

Re the lack of affection I suspect that's who he is. For some people that is about confidence and it can change as they become more relaxed but I think it's more likely that they are not an expressive person. My XH was like that and in the end it does your head in to be starved of affection. I think I was keen not to be too needy but in the end I felt like I was just a piece of furniture.

Your last two posts I think suggest you just have entirely different expectations and ways to show each other you like each other. He probably thinks that the fact he’s eager to keep seeing you is way enough of expressing that he enjoys your company. Honestly, I’d feel like a numpty telling someone how good it was and how wonderful I thought they were after every time we had sex! I briefly dated a man several years ago who used to gush about how wonderful spending time with me was and what an extraordinary evening we’d had, even if we’d taken the crowded train to his suburb and had a drink in a fairly bogstandard pub. We just weren’t compatible.