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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

he wont even acknowledge me anymore

43 replies

LilTx · 21/01/2020 12:03

I was seeing this guy for 4 months then he went and got married to another woman behind my back and he blocked me off everything. Then we got back together for a month because he said he’s divorcing her and they don’t even live together or anything so our relationship just resumed to how it was when we first got together.

Then one night I went onto his phone because I didnt trust him as I’ve caught him talking to other girls in the past and I found his wedding pics so I sent them to myself so I could look at them because I was curious and he went on a rage from this.

He says it’s all my fault and I ruined everything and for the past month he has been ignoring all my calls and messages..

I love him so much. I don’t know what to do. He broke my heart then it’s like he came back into my life and gave me false hope and has left again but this time round hasn’t blocked me off anything.

I don’t think I’ll love anyone else, all I’ve wanted was him. I’ve known him for 2 years..

OP posts:
ZaZathecat · 21/01/2020 12:07

All this drama in a matter of months? It doesn't sound like he ever made you happy. Besides the fact that he's a lying cheat to you and his wife. You will love someone else, and hopefully next time they'll be worthy of it.

LilTx · 21/01/2020 12:13

I’m only 21 but I’ve wanted him ever since I laid eyes on him. He was my dream man. I’ve been been sending him messages almost everyday asking for him to at least talk to me but nothing.

OP posts:
Pinkflipflop85 · 21/01/2020 12:14

Do yourself a favour and delete his number from your phone.

Potatobug · 21/01/2020 12:16

Do we have to spell it out that you dodged the bullet?
If I were you I would send those downloaded wedding pictures to all the girls the prick is currently messaging, then sit back and enjoy the show.

Pinkbonbon · 21/01/2020 12:20

He's not your dream man though. He's sexy right? That's about all he has going for him though.

He is a lying, gaslighting narcissist. That's no ones dream man. He is using narcissistic triangulation on you and other women.

A vile leach. That's all he really is.

Block him on everything and read up on npd so you can spot these sorts quicker in future.

PicsInRed · 21/01/2020 12:24

He was my dream man.

What kind of scary dreams do you have?
For Christ sake block him and raise your standards considerably.

What was your family like, growing up?
You have worrying ideas about acceptable treatment of you that I'm willing to bet stem from childhood emotional neglect.

Divebar · 21/01/2020 12:26

This situation is so fucked up I don’t even know where to start. But let’s start with the statement that he’s your dream man. In what way is he your dream man? because you’ve just told us that he was dating you and another woman at the same time - presumably she was a long term partner as he’s married her. Where is she in all of this? Other than that stop messaging him. It looks desperate and desperation Is really really not attractive. Ever. Please get some self respect. I’m going to bet that you will fall in love again and I dare say will have your heart broken again down the line and it’s painful. It’s something we all muddle our way through. If you must go and put on some sad songs and have a cry and then wash your face, meet a friend and go and do something uplifting ( even if you don’t want to). This guy isn’t a dream man he’s a nightmare.

OpheliaBalthasar · 21/01/2020 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilTx · 21/01/2020 12:31

yeah as a kid, I was really just kicked to the side. We was a family of over 10 children. I loved this man unconditionally despite what he done to me and I forgave him but he couldn’t even do the same for me.

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 21/01/2020 12:31

Your dream man cheats on you, runs off to marry someone and ignores you when you find all this out? Pretty shit dream.

LilTx · 21/01/2020 12:35

just everything about him really from his personality down to his looks is what made him perfect for me. It just hurts that he treats me like the way he does. I’m embarrassed that I begged for him back and all he done was ignore me

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 21/01/2020 12:36

I heard it said once that 'we accept the love we think we deserve'. Because you had a tough childhood, you latched on hard to someone you fancied who showed you interest. Perhaps even love bombed you in the the beginning.

Unfortunately he was a predator. His kind are always on the lookout for people who are starved of love and affection. Acting the white knight. But really, they are just monsters in disguise.

It might help to watch youtubers on narcissists. Melanie Tonia Evans is good. The more you learn about how these sorts truly are, and how they operate, the easier it will be to break the spell.

crustycrab · 21/01/2020 12:37

You won't listen to this but block him on everything and then delete his number.

See him for the pathetic piece of shit that he is. He's not a "dream man", he's not even a half decent human being.

LilTx · 21/01/2020 12:39

How do I get over this heartbreak and forget about him?

All I can think about is him.

OP posts:
Divebar · 21/01/2020 12:41

It takes a while OP - it doesn’t happen overnight.

crustycrab · 21/01/2020 12:44

It happens faster once you don't see him on SM and delete every memory of him from your phone

CodenameVillanelle · 21/01/2020 12:45

His personality? He's a liar! What about that do you love?
Have you ever sought therapy? It sounds like you may have some emotional intensity and attachment difficulties due to your childhood that are leading you to overly attach to romantic partners. Please block him on everything and think about therapy.

Pinkbonbon · 21/01/2020 12:46

You find your anger.
YouTube those narcissist videos op. The more you learn, the easier it gets to free yourself from the fantasy.

Pinkbonbon · 21/01/2020 12:47

And when you start to feel the anger - you'll know you are half way to freedom!

cybergran · 21/01/2020 12:48

you don't love this man op, but you have suffered neglect and abuse in the past and the way he treats you is familiar so you are drawn to it... its what you know and its what you expect for yourself.

the only way out is for you decide that you deserve better and then actually do something about it.

LavaLamp5566 · 21/01/2020 12:49

"How do I get over this heartbreak and forget about him?"

Easy: block him and move on, it's all you can do

Glitterb · 21/01/2020 12:55

OP if your friend was telling you this story what would you advise? The situation is utterly ridiculous! You love the idea of him, you do not love him.

yogo · 21/01/2020 12:55

Block him. He's a married twat.

BaolFan · 21/01/2020 12:56

Lovey if this is your dream man then you need waaay better standards.

He's a lying, cheating toerag. Block him from everything and go cold turkey. Distract yourself - go to work, go out with mates, find a new hobby.

ToastandCheese · 21/01/2020 12:57

He is so far from your dream man. Set your bar higher. Much higher.

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